


Holding On To You

by BlueRvn



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots, You Me At Six
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Asexual Character, Bottom Josh, Bottom Tyler, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Ryden, Teen Angst, Top Josh, Top Tyler, joshler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-08-10 00:07:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 39
Words: 45,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7822558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueRvn/pseuds/BlueRvn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh is the new boy, he's vulnerable in his own way. Tyler is the boy who's never experienced change, he's never experienced anything. They're both as needy as each other. ((( Ryden subplot ;) ))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter I

Tyler was lost in his own little world as he effortlessly scribbled down the words onto his notebook. The busy classroom somehow brought him a strange sense of isolation, he was alone with only his thoughts to keep him company. But he didn't mind, in fact he quite liked solitude, it was when the words made sense to him most. The occurrence of his day dreams had never caused any bother, that was up until now.

Quickly he snapped out of his dream when the abrupt noise of laughter began to smother him. He closed his book and quickly scanned the room, to his dismay he saw that all of the twenty students were trying their hardest not to stare at him whilst they were laughing wildly. 

"Mr.Joseph I'm waiting!" the teachers sharp tone sent shivers down Tyler's spine, he hardly got into trouble and he didn't have the confidence to ask what he had done wrong.

"I-I-I..." he stumbled the letter repeatedly and could only stop when Mr. Brewerton shot him a look of disappointment. The biology turned child development teacher seemed to have no anger left within him, but his pitying eyes brought more pain than Tyler could handle. Disappointment was a shot in the heart in comparison to angers soft touch.

Shaking his head Brewerton knelt down, "Come see me after class, right now I don't have time to deal with this," he snatched the book from the desk and brought it with him to the front of the class. "As for the rest of you be quiet and read pages 7 through to 9. You may think this class is a joke but you're the parents of the next generation and believe it or not you're responsible for your body and actions so if I were you I'd listen up"

He's going to read it. He's going to think I'm weird. He's going to mock me. He's going to show everyone. The negative thoughts flooded his mind but he didn't have room for distractions, he couldn't risk zoning out again, Mr Brewerton was one of those friendly teachers who could snap at any moment, his character was hard to judge and that scared the hell out of Tyler. 

//

The sound of the school bell froze Tyler's rapidly beating heart, he slowly edged his way to the front desk with his eyes glued firmly to the floor. To his surprise the room wasn't as empty as he wanted it to be. Leaning on one of the tables was a small boy with wild red hair that was spurting out in every direction, he was the type of face you would definitely recognize, Tyler was certain he'd never seen this boy in his whole life. Looking down at his own outfit Tyler realized how plain he looked next to the rainbow of a boy. His own shirt was a dull shade of faded white and his jeans were made from a bright black fabric. However, the boy was a different story, sure he was wearing black jeans but he was also wearing a coloured striped dress shirt which was accompanied by a red bow tie. His outfit alone wasn't so wild but compared to the monochromatic unspoken dress code the rest of the students seemed to blindly follow he stuck out like a sore thumb. Silently Tyler saluted the boys unique look but he'd never admit it. As selfish as it sounded he didn't have time to make new friends, he'd lasted 17 years without needing anyone so why start now. It was shallow to think this but the boy seemed very extravagant and he didn't know if he could handle such a wild personality. He didn't need the added attention he'd bring.

"Introduce yourself to Josh here" the teacher seemed oddly cheery as he politely smiled at a confused Tyler, bearing in mind Tyler was staying behind due to his ignorant behavior so this air of positivity was uncalled for. In all truth he just wanted his book back, he didn't really want to make small talk but he couldn't cross Brewerton, if he did he knew he'd regret it.

"Um well welcome I guess? I'm Tyler and I'm really not up for this"

"Tyler!" the teacher shot him a look of rage, Tyler knew he shouldn't have stated his discomfort.

"No no it's fine I get it" Josh began to awkwardly began to rub the back of his neck with his hand, his cheek colour was now matching that of his hair, "If I were you I wouldn't want to speak to me either" Josh nervously chuckled and glanced at Tyler with his sad puppy eyes. Tyler immediately regretted judging him and deciding he was an extroverted character who would only attract attention. It was becoming apparent that Josh was as lost and clueless as he was.

"I didn't mean it like that" Tyler's lips curled at the sides to try and prove he wasn't arrogant, but the tension could still be cut with a knife. "It's just if you want someone to show Josh around I'm not the best guy, I'm really not good at small talk or any talk at that sir"

"I'm fully aware of this Tyler. Think of this as payback for all the times I let you write things whilst in my class, it'll be a good experience ,you know if you're going to be a writer you're going to have to interact with people and get to know how other minds work."

"I don't want to be an author sir, did you read anything?"

"I'm insulted, I'd never disrespect someones privacy even if they weren't focusing in lesson. If you write all day and you don't want to be a writer what on earth do you want to do? If you don't mind me asking that is"

"Sir do you plan on embarrassing me in front of the new kid?"

"Now that you've said it I suppose so yes, call it extra justice"

"They're songs OK, i write songs! Now, can I have it back please?" Tyler was panicking, he'd never shown anyone any of his work and he certainly wasn't ready to show his biology teacher and a random new kid."Here, I was just breaking the ice anyway" Tyler snatched the book from the teachers grasp immediately and quickly packed it away in his backpack."So kid where you from anyway?"

"Columbus" Josh replied, "Adventurous I know"


	2. Chapter II

✾Josh✾

"So here's the underfunded music block," Tyler muttered, the boredom in his voice was the only thing that I could hear, but I couldn't blame the guy I wouldn't want to show the weird,excessively gay, new kid around anyway. Maybe I shouldn't have worn a bow-tie and a pride shirt on the first day, come to think of it , it did seem a little over the top. Whilst Tyler was looking the other way I quickly lifted up my collar and whipped of the tie and placed it into my back jean pocket.

"Hey Josh, what was that for?" Tyler stared intently at me clinging onto his bag straps in a sort of adolescent wide eyed kid kind of way. 

"What was what?" I muttered. 

"Why did you take it off?" 

"Just did I guess" I sort of snapped to hide the fact that I didn't want him knowing I was feeling self conscious. I wanted a normal friend who liked me for me and not because they had to. 

"Well, I liked it" Tyler forced a small smile then continued waddling down the corridor.

"You don't have to show me around I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow"

"You sure?" Tyler shrugged trying to seem interested but he was as drained as me, "Do you know the way back home?" 

"Hm not really but it cant be that hard!" I beamed trying to express my confidence in my navigation skills, but my acting skills were as good as my natural orientation and photographic memory.

"Hmph," Tyler sighed deeply," I'll walk you I guess, what part of town are you from?" Tyler said in a nonchalant tone, I couldn't tell if I was annoying or he just genuinely didn't like speaking. 

"Near the library but I could always just wait half an hour for my dad to finish work" I carried on walking down the corridor with a faster pace so that Ty wouldn't catch me, this way I didn't feel like a bother. 

"You are allowed to ask for help you know" Tyler's tone started to seem a little colder, I guess I was being a little whiny and childish with trying to ignore him but none the less I decided to continue, I'd make up for it tomorrow. 

Out of the blue Tyler yanked my hand and to my discomfort he started to practically drag me down the hallway, I guess he wasn't going to take no for an answer. His sudden touch made me feel something I just wasn't sure what. I'd never had a guy friend before, in my previous school my whole friendship group consisted of girls- they were just so much more open minded than the balls for brains jocks that used to pollute the hallways with the closed minded opinions that they all seemed to share. But I think in the moment I was just glad to not feel alone in such a new environment , I'd been so worried about leaving my life long friends to make new ones. I don't think Tyler felt the rush I was feeling, to me it seemed like he didn't care much for friends. 

"So um where do you live then?" I piped in, my voice cracking in several places due to my mind being elsewhere.

"And so he freely speaks!" Tyler's dull monotone didn't match the liveliness of the words themselves, "I live on the block near the subway station, the traffic gets kind of hectic round there but I guess that's a good place to live seeing as it's like five minutes away from your place" 

I nodded for a short time and then, without my consent, my lips started to spread into a grin I felt like a loser for being happy but Tyler lived so close! Befriending him would be like trying to tame a lion but I've always liked cats no matter the size. My heart went out to him, he seemed to be content with being lonely but no one can every be truly happy alone. 

He nudged me a little harder than I liked "Hey!" I retorted, "I'm fragile!"

"Sorry but you're grinning like the Cheshire cat himself, whats going on in that head of yours?"

"Nothing much" But my smile widened, behind his emotionless tone I could see the lonely boy trying to escape.

"It's not like I care anyway I just wanna get home now ,can we walk faster I don't want my dad thinking I had a detention" Tyler let go of my hand and paced ahead. 

My heart stung a little but then again I couldn't expect him to open up straight away. My small legs couldn't keep up with him, I felt the sweat accumulating on my forehead. The sun was shining bright and my legs were moving faster than they ever had so of course I was drenched in sweat, not a good look I can tell you that.

"Are you struggling back there?" Tyler stayed emotionless as he took out an earphone and glanced me. 

"A little but you have to get home fast so,"

"So what Josh?"

"So I'll have to continue walking fast so that I don't get lost"

"I thought you had the ability to speak freely" he tutted and put his earphone back in to block out my possible whining, but I wouldn't give in to the quiet character that I had created for myself. Using the last drop of energy I had within me I ran ahead so that I was stood next to Tyler, I gently pulled on the earbud and placed it into my own ear. I looked up and saw Tyler smile ever so slightly.

"I suppose I can slow down a little"


	3. Chapter III

♪Tyler♪

 

Sharing music with someone surely seems like such a simple thing to anyone else, but it was new to me. The concept of sharing had always been unknown to me, I obviously share a house with my family and things along those lines but they don't really reveal anything about me as a person. But I've always felt like someones music taste defined them in ways, my mind was racing I was just hoping Josh wasn't judging my taste. I could lie to myself and say I didn't care what he thought but music plays a large part in my life, and if someone as naive and people pleasing as Josh didn't like my taste who would. 

"I pegged you for having trash music taste!" Josh exclaimed as he looked away from me, I could tell that he was scared of my reaction.

"I can skip it if you'd like" I felt a little blood run to my cheeks, this was embarrassing for the both of us. I knew he wasn't expecting me to reply like this, he expected a cold nod of the head or nothing at all but it's not like I wanted to be the mean guy in any situation I just wasn't particularly good at conveying my emotions.

"I meant trash as in band trash, like I knew you were such a fanboy for punk music, Take Off Your Colours, an early album hm good choice though. Personally I prefer Sinners Never Sleep it's much more rocky so" Fuck. I wasn't even looking at him and I could feel that stupid grin of his. He was so easy to read and it worried me, not everyone in school was as tolerant as me. I knew what would happen if I let him go it alone, they would all manipulate him, change him, tease him. I couldn't have that weight on my shoulders.

After walking for another half hour in silence my heart sunk a little when I saw the library in the near distance, I know it seemed like I hated the guy and we hardly spoke but it felt good having someone I hardly knew so close. The idea of learning about someone else fascinated me, like I was contempt with cruising by my life alone but I didn't have the confidence. I needed a friend, someone to help me out from time to time, one would be enough. Josh would be enough. But I have no idea how to approach him, how do you maintain a friendship? Sure you get to know each other but what then? We would just end up recycling old conversations and he'd get tired of that I'm sure. 

But I don't think that choice was mine to make, Josh had pretty much glued himself to me, I don't think he understands that earphone wires are long for a reason.

"I think I can remember the way from here Ty" he flashed me a little smile before taking out the ear bud and placing it firmly back into my palm , "Thanks for tolerating me!"

"Josh, I've been with you for like an hour don't sweat it," Think Tyler, be friendly . He waved a little and started to head down the street that lead away from the crossroad. I instinctively grabbed his arm again to stop him. Note to self: I needed to stop being so aggressive. 

"I was just wondering what your urm time table was?" I grabbed onto my bag straps once again so that I'd release the poor Josh from my tight grip, why did things have to be so awkward for me?Josh's smile intensified once again, he needed to stop being so excitable and open. I mean I could take it but I just   
didn't want anyone to laugh at him. 

"I could just show you tomorrow morning before school right? I don't want you to be late home!"

People pleaser I thought, I knew how easily nice people were taken advantage of.

"Before school hm?" I tried my best to seem a little distant so that Josh, well actually I don't know why I played coy I wanted to walk together too.

"I-I thought we could walk together? B-but if you don't want to its fine, really" his stutter returned when he realized the music had stopped and we were talking about him again.

"So let's say 8am and meet here then. Josh this sounds harsh ,but you have to be confident when you speak to me, I'm not the one you should be nervous around. It's literally everyone else OK."

"Yeah I know I'll try. I just don't want to mess this up, like you said everyone else isn't as tolerant as you I get it." Josh rubbed his hands together in effort to cool them down, he was sweating, I made him nervous. I really didn't know how not to sound mean to him but I knew the fault lied within me and not him.

"You're gonna be OK you know I didn't intend to scare you" 

"It's fine, you didn't. See you at eight then I guess"

"Eight it is" my lips formed the unfamiliar shape that was a smile. It felt so unnatural but Josh seemed to like it on me.


	4. Chapter IV

✾Josh✾

I tapped the the lock screen button gently in fear that the time had passed eight. To my dismay the numbers displayed were 8:15. I'd been stood at the crossroads for twenty minutes now and I wanted to wait longer, I wanted to believe that Tyler cared enough to come. I worked out roughly that last night it took a good half hour to get to here from school. But that had been at Tyler's excessively fast pace, and I didn't have the energy to run like that. So that was it, I physically couldn't wait any longer if I didn't want to be late. Maybe he overslept, yeah that was probably it, I found waking up at the crack of dawn hard too. 

//

I scanned the British History classroom to find Tyler sitting in the back on his own. I would've been angry at him for skipping me but I couldn't help melting when I saw his outfit. He was wearing the same plain jeans as yesterday but today they were accompanied by a black floral kimono and a white dress shirt. I didn't know if my eyes were fooling me but he was wearing a dark bow tie. I hope I wasn't being selfish but I was pretty sure he did this so that I wouldn't stick out so much. But I guess his efforts were sort of in vain, I'd resorted to wearing khaki pants and a denim collared shirt. Dull I know, but its what everyone else seemed to be wearing.

"So, you dressed up for me hm?" I said as I slid onto the chair next to him.

"And you dressed down" he dragged his chair away from mine, his slouched body posture showed me that he wasn't very interested in talking. 

I did feel sort of bad, he was the one dressed in alternative clothing now. I reached into my back pocket to turn my phone off, but I found the tie instead. Maybe this would soften the blow. Instead of sticking out like a sore thumb Tyler would now match me, we looked like a street dance duo. I presumed he'd force a little smile or something but Ty didn't even look up to notice anything. Instead he slung his jacket on the back of his chair and resumed effortlessly scribbling notes in his book.

After five minutes of painstakingly loud conversation from the rest of the people who seemed to be alive ,the teacher bounced into the room and everyone turned mute. He carried an obvious air of confidence with him. I nudged Tyler and received a quiet grunt,

"What is it now?" he whispered in a somewhat harsh tone as he quickly closed his pad and placed it back under the table. It was obvious that he didn't want another teacher to find his lyrics, and this teacher didn't seem very tolerant.

"Whats the teacher called? I don't want to seem rude if he talks to me"

"He will if you carry on talking," he threw me a look of disappointment, "But anyway that's Mr. Franceschi and I'd be quiet in this lesson if i were y-"

"Sorry what was that Joseph? Is there a need to be talking here?" Tyler was cut off but the infuriated teacher who was looking at Tyler very sternly.

"N-n-no sir," Tyler fumbled his way through the sentence, he was the mirror image of me when he spoke, "I was just introducing you to the new kid"

Mr. Franceschi made his way to the back immediately and looked us both in the eyes, 

"I suppose that's valid, but from now on you will only speak when told to do so, yes?"

"Yes," he replied.

"Yes what?"

"Yes sir"

"Better," he said sharply making the students jump, "You kids seem to have no manners these days" he mumbled as he threw his stack of paper down onto the desk.

Tyler kicked me under the desk but I held back the urge to wince seeing as Franceschi scared the living shit out of me.

"What was that for?!" I retorted sharply trying to whisper.

"For drawing attention to us!" 

I kicked back playfully but Tyler didn't bat an eyelash, so I gave up trying. He was obviously pissed at something. I also came to the conclusion that this lesson wasn't the one in which I could get Ty to calm down and listen to reason. 

♪Tyler♪

 

I swiftly tiptoed into the dinner queue as I did every day. Eating in the canteen would be like social suicide, but I didn't have the effort to make a lunch at home. It's not like I was afraid of everyone else, I didn't care much for peoples opinions of me. It's just the thought of someone approaching me scares me, I wouldn't know how to react. I don't hate people, I just like people from a distance. 

Subconsciously I looked around the tightly packed room for Josh, he wasn't so hard to spot in the sea of brunettes and the odd blond. I immediately dropped my tray back onto the rack and haphazardly began to run for his table. 

"Tyler!" Josh beamed when he saw me, "I haven't seen you all day, have you missed me?"

"It was quiet without you I guess" my lips cracked into a faint smile.

"So do you wanna sit with us then? It'd do you good come on!" Josh patted the bench beside him, he was fucking grinning his stupid grin again. I knew the boys he was sat with weren't any good for him.

Brendon, the boy who was sat way too close to him piped in."Us?"He had a sarcastic expression plastering his smug face The rest of Bren's friends shot me dirty looks.

"Yeah Ty can sit with me right? You were nice enough to let me sit here and he clearly doesn't have anywhere else to sit"

"Ty?" Brendon chortled "I didn't realize you were on nickname terms all ready. Listen here Josh why are you sticking up for that freak? You've known him for what, a day? Have you not thought that there's a reason why has has no fucking friends?"

Josh's little cheeks had become flushed with either embarrassment or anger, I hated the fact that I didn't know how he was feeling right now. I didn't want to wait for him to explain himself. So I grabbed him by the wrist and yanked him from the table,

"Tyler what are you doing?" 

"Getting us the fuck out of here"

"You can let go of me now you know" he winced a little at how harshly I was gripping him.

"I don't like those people and I don't want you getting caught up with them." I paused for a moment to take in what I'd just done, "I'm sorry I should just go, you should be able to choose who you like I shouldn't decide that." 

"It's not that Tyler"

"Hm," I perked up, "What was it then?"

"You didn't have to drag me because I was coming anyway. They seemed like jerks , they only came and sat with me when they saw you looking for me. I cant name any of them."

"Oh OK then, but you know you can leave me at any time I'd be fine with it"

"I wouldn't be fine, and was I noticing a hint of jealousy in your tone back there."

"Get over yourself Dun, I just feel responsible for your well being and it wouldn't look very good to Mr. Brewerton if you got bullied, would it?"

"I suppose not"

"I left you hanging this morning and I just told you I'm being friendly for my own sake why do you seem so happy?"

"It's because I am Ty"


	5. Chapter V

✾Josh✾ 

Tyler walked me to some quaint hideout where he spent his lunch hour. His safe haven was none other than Brewerton's classroom.

 

"So this is where you run off to then?" I chimed playfully as I smiled politely at the teacher who was leaned back in his office chair and eating Doritos whilst watching game play videos on his computer. 

Tyler shrugged once again, "I suppose, it's just quieter in here" 

The teacher joined in on our conversation without consent, "Look at him, he's a lost puppy. I couldn't exactly let him get devoured out there"

"I suppose that's very kind of you sir, little Ty here wouldn't be able to cope with anyone but me"

"Please, don't address me like that in here" Brewerton unglued his eyes from the screen, "You can just call me Eddy, I'm not teaching you so I don't see the point of it"

"Eddy it is then!" I beamed but I knew Tyler would not let my conversation trail on for long. He dragged his chair closer to mine and looked me dead in the eye,

"Able to cope with anyone but you? Where do you think I've been for the past 17 years?" he snapped ever so lightly so that Eddy would not hear and mock him. I could see him slyly listening into our conversation, it was clear to see that the teacher pitied Ty.

"I think you've been lost by yourself but you just wont admit it!" Eddy nodded to himself as he placed another crisp into his mouth.

"I'm the one looking out for you here, you don't get to look out for me, I'm OK"

I slid my lunchbox over to him, "I feel bad for making you leave the dinner queue"

"I'm not hungry, you can have it" Tyler's stomach growled angrily and his cheeks blushed pink.

"Are you sure about that?" I smirked knowing he'd give into letting me help.

"I suppose we can share" he muttered as he scoffed down half of the sandwich. 

"I know he's a little weird Josh" Eddy said , "I asked him to guide you because he needed company and I didn't know how else to get him a friend,lets call this divine intervention"

//

Music didn't exactly go as planned, I expected there to be lavish drum kits, guitars, pianos and modern speaker systems. But instead we spent the last hour of school watching Jaws, the justified reasoning behind the movie was that John Williams, the greatest composer of our generation, would inspire us to be better musicians. I wasn't going to complain seeing as I got to sit with Tyler for the third time today, I knew Tyler was into his music too so I couldn't wait until we were given projects. I'd be able to help him with my drums. 

Half way through the film my phone buzzed loudly in my pocket, coincidentally at this exact moment I felt Tyler rest his head on my shoulder. My heart fluttered a little when I realized this was the first time he'd touched me non-aggressively. I suppose his ice like nature had started to thaw. 

♪Tyler♪

 

I know invading someones privacy is really bad but something triggered me and caused me to peek at Josh's notification. I'd never had a text of anyone before, well anyone except from my parents. So I suppose I just wanted to know what it looked like. I was careful about how I was going to check it so I rested my head on Dun's shoulder, I'd seen people do this everywhere so I presumed Josh would think nothing of it.

"Are you bored too?" he whispered softly in my ear, his warm breath was making the hairs on the back of my neck stand.

"You have no idea, we watch this every term"

Whilst Josh was all caught up in my first public display of warmth I gazed at the phone screen on his lap. I could just make out the text:

xBabex: Missing you already JoJo, this school sucks without you here :(((

Josh was too busy to text back to this mysterious figure, I figured that right now I was more important to him. I didn't know why this bothered me so much but I wish I hadn't read it, maybe this was the worlds way of teaching me to mind my own business.

"Are you still gonna walk home with me Ty?" he cooed.

"I wouldn't leave you, you'd get lost"

"I walked here this morning,I know the way"

"Oh", my reply wasn't as confident as I'd liked. Even though Josh slows me down when I walk I was hoping that he would need me again. I guess it felt nice to be needed by someone.

"I can still walk if you want me to"

"I guess"

"Why are you so disheartened? We're still walking" I felt Josh softly trace his name on my thigh with his finger, my body flinched at his touch. "I'm sorry if that was going too far"

"N-n-n-o," I stammered quietly, "I liked it"

"I'm still bored" he groaned, "Wanna play a game?"

Anything was better than fucking Jaws, so I lifted my head from his shoulder and nodded.

"I'm gonna trace something OK, and you can guess it"

His touch was so delicate as he wrote out the words "Are you busy tonight?"

I brought my hand to reach his thigh even though every part of me was screaming that this was wrong, I traced a short "No" onto his leg.


	6. Chapter VI

✾Josh✾ 

I could feel my little heart beating out of my chest, I was so transfixed in Tyler's new found sense of happiness that I completely forgot to check my phone. Shit, I had a missed call from Helen, one of my best friends from my previous school.

"Hey Ty I gotta take this call OK?" I whispered as I gently removed him from my shoulder. It was clear that Miss.Wright had fallen asleep at her desk so nipping outside wasn't exactly going to be hard. She seemed to be in a deep sleep so I could've answered the call in the room but I didn't want to be a bother to everyone else, Tyler was being unusually friendly and I didn't want to piss him off.

"Just take it in here Josh, no one cares we've all seen Jaws a million times, I'm pretty sure nothing changes"

"It wont take long, I promise"

He smiled weakly and I could see how flustered he was becoming, it was quite adorable to see how transparent his jealousy was. It was becoming apparent that he was protective , I suppose Tyler wasn't familiar with how people work so he just didn't know how to convey his emotions without seeming rude. 

I tiptoed all the way to the door but the posters on the walls noticed my movement more than the zombies that littered the room so my effort was wasted.

"Helen whats up? I miss you so much!" I beamed down the phone.

"Jojo! I have a surprise for you, what time do you get off school?"

"Like 15 minutes I think, can you wait that long? With your new job and all"

"I'd wait forever for you Jo, anyway I kinda got sacked from that store"

"Sacked!" I shouted under my breath, "You've been at the hardware store for, what, a week?"

"They caught me shouting at another customer. But Jo he was like being a total bitch about the price of nails or whatever."

I sighed, "I guess I'll help you find another one then"

"Thanks b! I'll see you in 15 then"

"See you soon!" I smiled and hung up first, Helen was always getting fired for being confrontational and loud mouthed, she was basically the more upfront version of Ty. She was so sassy and I loved it. 

I practically strode back into the room when I saw that Tyler was intently staring at the open door. I couldn't wait until the end of class, I loved being in Helen's company she had such a vibrant character that could light up the darkest of rooms. As I was bouncing back to Tyler I felt a hand grab my arm, funnily enough it wasn't him for a change. Brendon pulled me onto the empty chair next to his and I squealed.

"What do you want?" I spat, he was ruining my good mood. Bren leaned over so that he was practically touching me, I could feel his lips millimeters away from skin and it grossed me out.

"So who's your girlfriend?"

"I don't have a girlfriend!" I retorted as I tried to remove myself from his grip, unlike Ty he was very aggressive with the way he held me down so my skin was screaming when I tried to get away. Brendon had his claws dug into me.

"Well then how do you explain this Helen character?"

I tutted, he'd listened to my private phone call, "She's none of your business, so leave her out of this"

Brendon dragged out a fake deep breath and sent shivers down my spine, his breath was warm yet it made him seem so cold.

"Does Tyler know about her?"

"No," I snapped, "And I don't see why we're any of your business!"

Brendon let go of me and bit his lip as he tried to be seductively menacing, but it wasn't doing anything for anyone.

"Oh you'll see" his lips cracked into a massive fucking grin, it was so disgusting to see him so deviously happy. Just because he was attractive he presumed that he was allowed to intervene in peoples lives, but looks mean nothing when you're a class A douche.

I ran back to my seat as I saw how pissed Tyler looked,

"What did that fucker want? Did he hurt you?"

"He listened into my phone call, he's such a dick! I was in a good mood too"

"But you're OK right?" Ty's eyes were glistening as he looked at me.

"I'm fine now, he just needs to leave me alone"

"I could sort him out you know"

"That'd be giving him the attention he wanted, anyway ssh now I wanna see the ending of the film" I rested my head on Tyler's shoulder in effort to calm him down. I could see that he had clenched his hands into fists. 

"You still on for tonight?" he asked. Shit, I'd totally forgot about Tyler coming over. 

"About that, well-"

Tyler interrupted me, "It's fine if you don't want me to. I can wait I guess"

Tyler awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck with his sweaty hands. I gently pulled them from his neck and laced them with my own.

"Ty you're allowed to speak freely, you said so yourself"

"I don't care if you're going out with someone else, just don't get into trouble"

"I'm only going out with my friend from my old school, she'd love to meet you"

"I'll think about it OK"

"Good" I smiled a little and resumed watching Jaws.

//

♪Tyler♪

 

The excuse for an old pickup truck pulled into the lay-by. I suppose meeting Josh's friend wouldn't be too bad but the thought of having to get to know another person seemed exhausting. 

"Have you decided if you're coming yet?" I couldn't refuse Josh when he was smiling, he was like a child on Christmas morning.

"If that's OK, I wouldn't want to intrude or anything"

"You wouldn't be!" Josh politely yanked open the rusty door and held out his hand signalling that I could sit in the middle. Sitting in a three seated vehicle with people I barely knew wasn't exactly on the top of my bucket list.

Helen was effortlessly resting on the steering wheel as she dramatically chewed a stick of gum. When she saw me slide in next to her she lowered her sunglasses and smiled wickedly.

"Josh, you never mentioned this cutie!" she turned from Josh to look at me, she winked playfully and then slid her glasses back up from her nose. I gulped when I felt the awkwardness stick in the humid air.

Josh nervously giggled, 

"Were you planning on keeping him all to yourself?" I felt the blood in my cheeks burn. She slapped my thigh,

"I'm only kidding with ya both, jeez didn't mean to ruin the romance!"

"Helen be nice!" Josh snapped as he closed the door, I'd never seen him angry like this, "Tyler's nervous and you're not helping"

The girl cackled and turned the key, the engine made a few disturbing noises and then the truck started.


	7. Chapter VII

♪Tyler♪

 

I regretted entering the truck from the very moment my trainer came into contact with the bumper. I thought Josh's positiveness was unbearable, but combined with Helen's loud and vibrant personality it felt like I had died and gone to social hell. I suppose they were acting normally though, this is how friends interacted and I was going to have to adjust to that. Sorry I meant, unwillingly going to have to adjust. The half hour car ride felt like Josh and Helen had taken all the conversations I had been avoiding and compressed them into one. Honestly, it made me feel physically sick. The whole time I just felt like an extra component; like when you buy a new coat that has a spare button in the pocket, its always there if you need it but face it no one ever does. I was always going to be someones spare button, that's why I've never bothered to waste my time and adapt my personality so that I can participate in basic human interaction. I don't like people and people don't like me, its quite simple actually.

"Ty you feeling OK?" Josh said quietly making me slip out of my self depreciating mood.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I retorted looking him dead in the eye, he was grinning as per usual but to me it felt faked, he wanted this conversation as much as I did.

"You look a little pale, are you uncomfortable? You can leave if you'd like, I'm sure Helen would turn back around" He reached out and rubbed my shoulder.

"Are we turning around? I'm about to hop on the freeway so you gotta be quick" Helen pulled the car into the conveniently placed service station.

"I'm fine" I snapped. Josh wanted me to leave but he didn't have the guts to tell me. He's such a fucking people pleaser.

"You don't really sound it"

"Can we leave it I said I'm fine, I don't see the point in lying to you about it"

"OK OK" Josh said as he childishly held up his hands in front of his torso.

Helen scoffed as she took the keys from the ignition, 

"Nice lovers tiff I'll leave you two alone. Be quick though I'll be back in about 5!" She slammed the door and waddled off into the distance 

"I feel like I forced you into this, you're going to be OK right?" Josh said in a sweet tone, I felt his hand caress mine but I flinched away, I wasn't going to give in that easily.

"I've run out of water," I mumbled quickly, "I wont be too long"

Josh looked down into my open backpack, "You've got plenty Ty!"

"Oh," I sighed, "Seems I have, I just don't want to talk about me OK"

"We'll leave it there then OK?"

"You do know Helen is hovering below your window listening in right?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to make sure you were OK before I called her out" Josh tapped the side of the truck and a very flustered Helen emerged in front of the glass pane.

 

///

✾Josh✾

"You really brought me and Tyler all this was so that you could find a new job?" I sighed as I took the 'people wanted' poster from the pet stores' window. "You don't even like the animals in here!"

"They don't need to know that do they!" Helen snatched the paper from my hand and strode into the pet shop. "Wait here" she mouthed as her lips morphed into a wide smile for the boy who was sat at the counter.

"She wont be too long, don't worry. She's had a million jobs, they sorta come and go like her boyfriends, wouldn't be surprised if she came out with a job and a boy trailing after her. Most guys find her irresistible, but apparently not me, what do you think of her?"

"W-what, romantically you mean?"

"Aw romance bless you Ty, no I meant physically"

"She's pretty I guess" he shrugged. Tyler had leant his body on the glass window, with one leg on the window itself. 

"Is she your type then?" I smirked, trying to wiggle information out of him.

"Not really, no" something must have been on the ground because his eyes were intently focused there.

"So what is your type?" 

"I enjoy my own company more than the company of others, what part of that says I have a type?"

"You're gay and wont admit it aren't you!" I smirked as I punched him In the side.

"No" he mumbled, keeping his eyes glued on the floor.

"Look at me Tyler," "You're blushing!"

"I'm not!" he grunted.

"You don't have to be ashamed I wont tell anyone"

Tyler grabbed my hand and pulled me into the store, "They have puppies inside, come on I'm bored"

In denial more like.


	8. Chapter VIII

♪Tyler♪ 

"I love dogs more than humans!" I cried as a herd of puppies made their way to my feet, I gave each dog an individual love and hug before remembering to acknowledge Josh.

"Do you have any pets then?" Josh cooed lightly, trying to desperately grab my attention. 

 

"No," I replied bluntly before picking up the smallest puppy that was being squished by other bigger dogs. "But I'd like to take this dog home, he's so vulnerable and doe eyed. He's like you Josh!

"I would be offended but that is one cute sausage dog, I'm glad you think I'm cute"

I snorted," Don't call him a sausage, its offensive he can hear you. He's a dachshund!"

Josh leaned over to pet him, "I'm so sorry Mr.Dachshund!"

"His name is Josh, I've decided this"

"Are you going to buy him?"

"I guess not, no"

"He's not yours so I can call him whatever I like!"

I gently placed Josh on the ground, he stayed at my feet for a while but then he noticed a couple offering treats to all the dogs in the puppy pen. It made me sad to see our relationship end so suddenly.

"You look like you're gonna cry dude!" Josh giggled as he poked me in the chest, "You should've brought some treats, he woulda loved you then"

"It's not the same!" I said as I dramatically grunted and peeled away from the pen, "He would have loved me for my food and not me!"

The real Josh patted my back empathetically as he guided me towards the shop door. Truth be told I completely forgot I was angry at him, in fact I don't even know why I was. Dogs seemingly have a calming effect on me. 

"I hope Helen gets this job" Josh said calmly as he waved bye to the dogs. He didn't have food so they obviously didn't bat an eye, even little Josh ignored him. It was sad really.

"How so? Doesn't she get fired from them all anyway?" I opened the door and waited awkwardly for Josh to leave first. I knew that this was a sign of respect, I wasn't completely oblivious to the formalities of daily life.

"If she works here we can have an excuse to visit"

"We?" I coughed.

"I saw how excited you got in there you can't hide now. I knew you had a soft side."

"But if she gets fired surely it means we cant return. We'd be seen as accomplices to the offending party!"

"Ok I thought you were seeming a little more human, but I guess you're still a robot in disguise" Josh childishly and loudly repeated the phrase "Beep, Boop" as he performed a robot dance for the whole mall to see. I grabbed him by the wrist, I felt humiliated.

"Don't draw attention to us, you know I don't like it!"

"I-I-I didn't know you'd take it that way Ty, I'm really sorry" Josh stuttered, he looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. I let go of Josh and grunted faintly.

"Well I guess you know now, I'm hungry lets go eat"

"I'm sorry if I was offensive, I don't see you as anything other than a human," Josh sighed and bit his lip," What I'm trying to say is you're not so cold you know. You think you are but you're not so bad, I guess you're learning and I don't want you to feel like you're a bad friend."

I brushed him off, "Like I said I'm hungry. That's all that's bothering me right now" It saddened me even more than little Josh ignoring me, big Josh looked really disappointed in himself and I caused that. Maybe if I buy him dinner he'll understand its my apology.

I'd never eaten in public before, I didn't want to seem like the sad guy sat by himself. As I looked around the food court I recognised popular restaurant chains and was amazed at how full they seemed. I envied how normal this seemed to them all. But I didn't want Josh to know that this was a big deal for me, I didn't want him to think I was more of a freak.

"So where do you wanna eat?" Josh asked, his stomach growled lowly.

"I don't know but I'm guessing we're gonna have to choose quickly!" I stifled a laugh, I guess Josh had been glad when I suggested the idea of food. I knew he wouldn't suggest eating he's too scared to be direct with me so I guess I'd done him a favour.

"You wanted to eat, so we can eat what you want ?" he smiled, he thought he was being kind but he was just making things awkward.

"I feel bad for shouting at you ok," I awkwardly rubbed the back of my neck whilst avoiding any eye contact, "It's a treat on me"

"It's honestly really ok Ty you didn't mean it I'm sure. I would normally insist on you picking but I am really craving a pizza right now, you don't mind if we go to a restaurant right?"

"Why, are you too snobbish to eat greasy fast food?"

Josh blushed once again,"I-I-It's not that, I just thought we could sit down properly, I still feel bad for making you come with me and Helen when I said it would just be us"

"When are we going to get over this whole 'I'm sorry' deal, its tiring can we just cut it out from now on?"

"I suppose I'd like that because right now I'm so fucking hungry."

"I'd say I'm sorry for eating half of your lunch but like I said we're over that now right?"

"Of course," Josh grabbed my wrist gently, "Come on I know a little place we can go to" 

It felt weird Josh touching me, normally I was the one lashing out aggressively but he was the one doing the grabbing for once. Maybe this was a normal thing that friends did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this story uploaded on wattpad for around 6 months now and I'd only gotten one reader who wasn't my fren. I'm very thankful for that one reader!!! But overnight I got 8 kudos and maybe that doesn't seem like a big deal but it is to me I guess, I don't like my writing too much and you guys liking and commenting really helps me to continue. Ok blabbler over :))) thank you all


	9. Chapter IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter moved so slow??? I find it harder to write as Josh because idk Ty is kinda based on my personality a little so :))

✾Josh✾

Ty was looking extremely nervous as he trailed behind me. It felt weird being the one in charge, I wasn't co-operating with the idea that Tyler had to protect me against the people he knew.

"I like being the boss of you!" I said turning back to see Tyler moping behind.

"Well I hate it, can we just hurry up I feel like everyone is staring at me" 

"You're only sulking because you cant drag me off!" I chuckled but then I noticed the hurt in his expression, "Ty its ok, no one is looking at us, they're all busy eating" feeling like a massive jerk I tried to rub his shoulder sympathetically but he brushed me off.

"Can we just hurry?"

I nodded politely and allowed Tyler to walk beside me so that he didn't look so much like a lost puppy. Tyler must think that he comes off as the broody mysterious type who has a dangerous air about himself, but frankly to me he was just a lonely boy who hadn't experienced the world around him. But I'd never tell him that, I suppose he must like feeling responsible for someone else, it sort of adds meaning to a friendship he'd otherwise ignore. 

"Do you want me to ask for a table, or would you like to?" 

Tyler softly shook his head, "I don't mind, you can do it" his voice was still blunt but I could see the excitement in his eyes as he took in his surroundings. The restaurant was decorated in a traditional Italian style, each table with its own candle and small flower arrangement. I could see the reflections of the flames flicker in Ty's brown eyes, he seemed so amazed.

"Do you like it here?" I said, trying to break the ice.

"It's nice enough" Tyler shrugged and turned away from the restaurant. 

Nice enough? I saw the way he was looking at the place, he loved it and he couldn't hide how he was feeling.

"There's not usually much of a wait but I guess its two people Tuesday"

"Two people Tuesday?" he said mockingly, "They couldn't find a better name for it?"

"Apparently not no, why what would you call it hm?"

"Not two people Tuesday that's for sure!"

"You cant mock it without making an alternative" I nudged Ty playfully and he smiled a little.

"I suppose you have a point, anyway what is two people Tuesday anyway?"

I grinned, "You honestly cant tell from the OBVIOUS name?" he shrugged, "Basically its like a couples meal deal, if you order a large pizza to share you get half of the price knocked off!"

"Couples meal deal?" a reddish hue had started to spread across his face.

"Yea, any two people can order you don't have to be a couple"

"Oh ok good" he murmured.

After a painstakingly awkward five minutes a waitress finally escorted us to a table secluded away at the back of the restaurant.

"I didn't know you had a boyfriend Josh" Kimya said teasingly as she gave us both our menus.

I punched Kimya in the arm gently and shook my head, "Tyler doesn't like when people tease him watch out"

"He doesn't look very scary" Kimya glanced at Tyler but he didn't look up, "So, I guess I made it awkward, well done Kimya!" she took the pen from behind her ear and whipped out her notepad, "Are you ready to order drinks?"

"Are you ready Ty?" I nudged him under the table which forced him to look up. "I'll just have a coke please" Tyler stared intently at me, it was really unnerving. "Do you want a coke too?" He kicked me back from under the table. "He's also having a coke" I smiled nervously.

"OK two cokes that is!" Kimya chimed, "I'll bring them to you and you can just call me over later when you're ready to order your meal"

"Thank you" Tyler grumbled and forced a weak smile as the waitress walked away. "How do you know her?" he asked a little harsher than he probably intended to. 

"I worked here last summer as a dishwasher, nowhere else was hiring. My wages were the same as the bus ride here but my dad said it was good to get some work experience in"

"I totally pegged you as the domestic type!" 

I would have usually shouted back at that but it was nice to see Ty becoming more relaxed within the conversation.

"Are you not gonna disagree or are you going to be my housewife?" he snorted, proud at the power he thought he had. I was beaming on the inside out to see him a little happy. "Hey, why are you ignoring me!" Ty shouted as he started to grow impatient. "I know that look, what are you thinking about?"

"Nothing, its just-"

"Just what?"

"If you'd let me finish I'd say it's nice to see you having fun again"

"Who says this is fun?" he said bluntly, but I could see the excitement in his tone leaking through.

"So do you think Kimya is pretty?"

"Why do you ask this about every female we encounter?" I guess because I was a little jealous of every girl to ever exist, the idea that heterosexuality was the norm frightened me, there was no way of knowing if Ty was into guys because he wasn't into anyone.

"Don't avoid the question! What girls are you into? You didn't like Helen so I'm guessing preppy and outgoing isn't your type"

"It's not that I don't like her, I don't know her, I don't believe in love at first sight"

 

"Kimya, is alternative I guess if you count pastel as alternative. You not into that style?"

"Josh you're forgetting one thing"

"What's that?" I bit my lip, maybe he was going to come out ,but who was I kidding he probably wasn't comfortable enough to say something 

And on that note Kimya decided to turn up with the tray of drinks,

"You had time to look at the menu yet guys?" she chirped happily, "Or have you been too busy soaking up the romantic atmosphere?" she winked, Tyler gruffly snatched a menu from the holder.


	10. Chapter X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments omg my spooky jims ily! Also quick question, do you mind me replying to them ALL or is it awkward?? Warning, not a lot of time is covered in this chapter either but its not a filler??? My pace is really slow to make their first few encounters more intimate idk?? I'd appreciate it If you comment what you think about the pace because I'm worried its starting to bore you :)) I'm not rooting for compliments btw I just want to make sure I get this story right :))))))))) (me saying I'm not rooting for compliments totally made it sound like I am FUQ)

♪Tyler♪

I'd never shared a pizza before, I didn't know what topping was safe to suggest but I didn't want to just sit back and say nothing like I had been doing. Margherita was the safe but boring option and meat feast might have been overkill. Come to think about it I was probably overthinking this all, it was only a pizza topping after all.

"Do you want to go half and half?" Josh suggested, saving me from even more embarrassment.

"Yeah OK" I said coolly, I pretended to browse through the options but I only ever ordered pepperoni.

"OK I'll have the pepperoni! You're not vegetarian right I can order something else if you don't want the meat to touch your half?"Josh looked at me in a wide eyed considerate fashion, he was pulling the people pleasing card again but it wasn't particularly annoying. 

"No I'm not" it came out harsh but I was a little panicky. I couldn't just order pepperoni Josh would think I was weird for copying him, "I think I'll have the um," my mind was racing and my eyes were darting up and down the menu, I knew both Kimya and Josh were waiting,"the mushrooms!" I fumbled out a laugh, "Yeah I'll just have the mushrooms!"

"You seem a little excited about mushrooms hm?"

"Yeah I love them!" I gritted my teeth as I realised my face would soon match the redness of the pizzerias' walls. I hated mushrooms, but I'd rather eat something disgusting than have to correct myself.

Kimya glared at the pair of us, her eyes were swarming with judgement, "OK I'm guessing you want the large pizza for the discount?"

Me and Josh nodded in sync, "OK so that's half mushroom, half pepperoni?"

I gulped harshly and forced myself to nod again, "Right, your pizza should be about 15 minutes, if you need a refill shout me over I'll be floating around" she smiled graciously and then seeminglessly disappeared into the kitchens.

"Are you OK Ty?"

My head shot up, "Who said you could call me that?" my moods were becoming exhausting.

"You don't seem OK Tyler"

"I'm fine, thanks for asking" I really needed to work on not being so blunt, but I didn't want to have to ask for help, "So, why did you move schools?" I didn't intend on being so intrusive, I just don't know what the lines are and when I've crossed them.

"Well I don't think it would make good dinner time conversation" Josh took his hair and twirled it softly with his fingers.

"Oh ok" I sighed, I didn't know what else to talk about but I didn't want to make Josh feel more uncomfortable.

"Aren't you going to force it out of me?"

I laughed softly "I don't intend to come across as a horrible person you know"

"You don't" Josh winked and shot me a cheeky grin, "Well only a little bit horrible!"

"Hey!" I shouted playfully, "But honestly," I immediately regretted using a more serious tone,"If I'm ever in the wrong you'd tell me right?" 

Josh's eyes widened with what I'm guessing was surprise, "You would say hm?" I asked again, trying to tease him further.

"Y-y-yea I would Ty, sorry I mean Tyler, but I'm sure I wouldn't have to!" Josh stuttered awkwardly, he'd lost what ever confidence he had.

"I was only joking, you can call me Ty. And good, I don't want to be a jerk to you, I don't want you to leave another school I guess"

"Thank you, you don't know how much that means right now"

I was the one trying to make Josh nervous, but the sincerity of his tone scared me. He was taking my words to heart and that made me uncomfortable, I know he didn't mean it to feel like that but I now felt like I was actually responsible for his wellbeing. I guess I'd promised to help him out, and I was suddenly aware that I didn't know how to.

"Sooooooo" I purposefully dragged out my o's with the intention that Josh would interrupt me, because frankly I had nothing to say.

Josh's phone beeped and I muttered a prayer under my breath, "That's Helen," he squeaked as his voice continued to break.

"Did she get the job already?" I said, with genuine concern in my voice. Well, I tried to sound concerned but it probably came across as rude again.

"She didn't say, but she's never not got the job" Josh didn't raise his head from his screen.

"Oh, so what did you say?"

"A little intrusive there Ty" I mentally punched myself out of regret until I saw that Josh was smiling wildly. It felt good to see things were now I guess, at ease? "But no, she just said that she's on her way soon, you don't mind her coming right?"

Josh said we came here because he felt bad about making me go out with him and Helen.

"I guess not" I shrugged, jealousy lingered in my tone.

"I can ask her to meet us later, I'm sure she can just browse somewhere, she likes shopping so its not that cruel" Josh ended his sentence with a nervous giggle but my mood swings were back again and I couldn't control them.

"It's OK" I snapped.

"I feel bad now" Josh whimpered as he looked at me with his doe eyes.

"Don't" I retorted, I could feel the poison roll off my tongue.

His phone beeped again, I could feel my fists subconsciously tighten into a fist.

"She said she wont be long" Josh was speaking so quietly he was almost whispering.

We both awkwardly twiddled our thumbs for the next five minutes, when I heard the kitchen door spring open I prayed that it had done so sooner.

"Why so glum?" Kimya teased, her voice was so lively the words literally rolled off of her tongue.

"I'm just hungry" Josh replied kindly, "UGh that smells so good" he groaned as he made room for the pizza on the table. As the waitress placed the pizza on the table she span it around so that the mushrooms were facing me, I'd forgotten the mistake I'd made. We both smiled politely as Kimya once again disappeared.

I tried to stomach the mushrooms, but the rubbery texture made me feel sick. Hiding my discontent obviously didn't work because Josh awkwardly held out a slice of his pizza,

"You can have some of mine if you like" 

"Do you mind?"

"It's the least I can do" Josh smiled as he passed me a slice of peperoni from across the table. I was too hungry to fight about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also sorry quick note AGAIN ( I doubt myself like fight me) do Ty's mood swings work well?? I'm making him angry because it's a slowburn story I guess?? AND is there too much conversation?? YOu know what I'm going to shut up, my notes r longer than my chapters AHH


	11. Chapter XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if some of the format is weird, like odd spaces, I copy my work over from my wattpad account :)  
> Thanks for reading my spicy bOIS  
> I also had massive block writing this I'm so bad??

✾Josh✾

Tyler ate in a way that seemed like he thought that someone was going to come along and take away his meal. Well, I say meal but he only had one slice of pepperoni pizza. I did say that he could eat more but he must have felt bad for 'taking' mine. Seeing as Ty wasn't touching the mushroom side (even after I peeled every mushroom off for him) I ate most of that side too. I didn't have the ability to be ashamed of my eating habits, I liked pizza and I didn't think there was much more to it.

As I stuffed more (stuffed) crust into my already full mouth I noticed Ty's face, for some reason he was staring intently behind me.

"What's wrong Ty?" I asked, the words had to work their way around the food in my mouth so my question sort of came out as a series of mismatched grunts.

"Swallow before you talk" he retorted, his smile seemed happy enough but his eyes still looked riddled with confusion.

After a few seconds of awkward chewing I finally met Tyler's standards of speech, "What are you looking at?"

He outstretched his hand to point at the restaurants entrance, he cocked his head in disbelief as if he were trying to see if his eyes were screwing with him.

"There," he muttered "Is that Brendon and-"

"Helen?" I interrupted, "That's definitely her!" 

I could see that Tyler was not so happy to see Brendon, I don't know why he seemed to hate him so much; I mean I got that he was an ass, but irritating people generally don't make someone this angry. He was so pissed that I could feel the heat radiating from his boiling blood.

"I wonder why she's brought him" I said calmly but I knew there was no point trying to be rational in a situation like this.

"If she knew what was good for her, she'd stay away from him" Ty said in a low grumble.

"Should I be concerned? I don't want my friend to get hurt" my voice wavered a little in fear, Tyler's tone was chilling. It was obvious that he hated Bren for a reason, a reason that wasn't to be made light of. Tyler had made it obvious that he did not socialise with the people at his school, but it was obvious that Bren had done something to hurt him.

"You weren't supposed to hear that," he paused for a second and started to twiddle his thumbs, "Don't worry he wont hurt her or anything"

"Why isn't he good for her?"

I could see the sweat accumulating on Ty's brow, I didn't want to make him uncomfortable but I couldn't let my friend walk into a bad possible relationship.

"He's just , I don't know, he just likes to tease people"

"So, he's a bully then?" Ty gulped, I was crossing a line and I knew it.

"Look at the way he's acting around her" I turned around to see Brendon taking a picture of Helen, she was grinning happily as she posed in a stand In cardboard cut out of a cartoon Italian chef.

"She seems happy enough"

Tyler was avoiding my question, but Helen seemed safe in Bren's company so I didn't see any reason to pry into an awkward topic, things were just starting to feel a little normal between us.

"I know he wont touch her though, he has a moral code when it comes to girls" 

"Oh wow" I scoffed, if he was going to treat girls right then he should also treat all genders right. But I didn't want to talk about him right now, I wanted to change the subject desperately.

"Should I call for the bill?"

"You did devour all the pizza, there's no point waiting around" Ty said shaking his head in effort to mock me.

"I did offer you more its not my fault!" I squeaked as I raised my hand in effort to grab Kimya's attention. "I'll pay seeing as I did eat ALL of the food we ordered"

"You didn't make me order the wrong thing, its not your fault. We can split it" Tyler slid a 5 dollar bill onto the table.

"I'll let you pay for your drink and that's it Ty, I'd feel bad!"

"Fighting like a married couple already are we?" Kimya said as she appeared out of nowhere, "The bills $10" She took the money from the table and waited for me to respond. I fiddled around in my pocket for my wallet, my heart sunk. I must have left it in my other jean's pocket when I was rushing to meet Ty this morning.

"I'm sorry Ty-" I whined but he cut me off,

"I said I'd pay for shouting at you anyway" he took out another bill and nodded politely at Kimya "Keep the change for yourself" he said as he turned to leave. I glanced at the table to see he left a ten and not a five. I knew he could be a nice person.

 

♪Tyler♪

Brendon was eyeing me up from head to toe when he saw me, his glance had always unnerved me. It felt like he was undressing me with his eyes, but not in the good way. In a way which made me feel like my vulnerability was clear for him to notice. But I wanted to stop Brendon from picking on Josh and I had to let Brendon know that he wasn't going to be another target. I wasn't sure how I was going to do it, but I was going to find a way.

"So did you get the job?" I asked Helen, trying to sound concerned.

She smiled and nodded, "All thanks to Brendon here!" Helen poked him playfully in the chest and he chuckled back.

"Hey! Don't be saying that all the girls will think that I give out special favours" he smiled cheekily and winked. Helen's cheeks radiated a pink glow, she wasn't embarrassed, she seemingly enjoyed the awkward conversation that was unfolding.

"I'm glad" I said awkwardly, Brendon shot me a look of disgust as I caused his flirtatious conversation to stop.

"Aw thank you Tyler, that's really nice of you" Helen approached me with open arms, I freaked and looked at Josh quickly for help, but he was too busy eyeing up Bren for some reason. Awkwardly, Helen loosely hugged me but pulled away when she realised that my arms were still by my side.

"Sorry if that was awkward" she whispered in my ear.

I smiled a little as she returned back to Brendon.

"So do you two want to go hang somewhere?" she said, oblivious to how horrible her nice suggestion sounded.

"I was thinking that me and Tyler could have some alone time, is that OK?" Josh said as he reached out for my hand, I silently thanked him for the hell he'd helped me escape.

"Yeah OK Josh, you two getting the bus home then? I think I'm gonna stay here"

Josh nodded before he waved goodbye to his friend.

"Thank you for that" I said quietly, hoping that Brendon didn't hear.

"It's ok, I felt like we would both be third wheeling anyway"

I nodded and continued to walk out of the food court, "Do you want me to let go of your hand now?" Josh said immediately after Bren and Helen were no longer in sight.

"I didn't notice" I said as I wormed my hand out of his grip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry lads this chapter isn't my best I feel its sort of a filler BUT Next chapter will be better I promise, I just didn't have any opportunities to make this chapter fluffy BUT I BUILT IT UP SO NEXT CHAPTER SHALL BE :))))


	12. Chapter XII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit waddup, ok there's a slight mention of homophobia in this chapter, I don't agree with homophobia AT ALL its there for creative reasons because the lord knows I aint straight11111!11!! I'm also sure the people the character is based on also does not share the characters views///

♪Tyler♪

Bus seats are never comfortable; but I don't mean because of the awkward itchy fabrics that have been touched by thousands. Bus seats make me uncomfortable because of the uncertainty of who is going to side beside you. This is the first time I've been on a bus and actually enjoyed the company of the person with me, but something about the experience still is uncomfortable, something inside of me still felt anxious. I felt like everyone on the bus was staring at me and Josh, in fact whenever I'm with him I'm scared that people will stare. I didn't mind as much as I would if people were just staring at me, but it angered me when people gave Josh horrible looks. People didn't have the right to look at him funny just because he didn't look 'normal'; just because he was obviously gay.

Whilst I was deep in thought, I forgot to initiate conversation with Josh. Out of the blue I felt him softly lay his head on my shoulder,

"I'm tired," he whimpered as he nestled his head into my side.

"I guess a lot has happened today" I replied trying to use a kind voice but it probably came out as blunt as ever.

"It's been a long day for the both of us, I'm sorry if I tire you out I know you're not used to company like me"

"Look at me Josh," I sighed, he looked up with sleepy eyes, "What do you mean, like me?”

"I guess I'm exhausting to be around because I'm so hyper? I don't know I just don't want to bring you down like I do with everyone else"

People say stupid shit when they're tired even I know that, but it still saddened me to see Josh this distressed. It saddened me even more to know that there wasn't much I could do to change how Josh felt about himself. 

In effort to comfort him I took out my trembling hand and ran it through his red hair, it was currently the only part of him that was still bright and vibrant.

“I-I-I’m sorry if that was awkward”

I pulled my hand away but Josh gently grabbed me,

“Don’t stop,” he whined, “I like it when people play with my hair”

Josh let go of his hold on me and I started to run my fingers back through his hair, I didn’t want to mess it up because it was obvious that Josh took pride in his appearance. Right now I felt calm, strangely I wasn’t paranoid about people staring at me openly showing my affection toward another boy. But Brendon had to ruin everything as usual.

Out of nowhere I heard his spiteful voice, “You two disgust me, faggots like you shouldn’t be able to do this shit in public!” Josh rose from my shoulder and rubbed his eyes in disbelief.

“Brendon?” he said groggily, “What are you doing here?”

He moved from his perfectly good seat to one that was positioned directly across from us, “Helen blew me off so I had to ride home”

“She wouldn’t do that, she was the one who wanted to hang!”

Brendon didn’t tolerate backchat much and Josh had done just that. 

“Are you saying that I’m lying?” he said, looking Josh dead in the eyes, steam had started to rise from his ears, “Why would I want to be stuck here with you two homos?”

Josh furrowed his brow, he didn’t know how to respond and he didn’t have to. I quickly rang the buses bell as a stop conveniently was just coming into view.

“We don’t have time for this Bren” I said, returning back to my usual cold and sharp self.

“Who said you had a choice?” the venom rolled off of his tongue.

“I do” the bus jolted to a stop and I grabbed Josh’s wrist, “Come on Josh, we don’t need to be in the company of someone as desperate for attention as him”

Josh laughed as he ran down the bus’s aisle alongside me, we both thanked the driver and waved him goodbye before we started to run down the street in the pouring rain.

“My hero!” Josh said underneath his heavy breathing.

“We can probably stop running now” I replied feebly, I bent down to touch my knees and began to pant uncontrollably.

Josh patted me on the back and grinned wildly, “You handled him really well Ty, I’m proud”

“Is this where I blush and we run off into the sunset?” after I caught my breath I nudged Josh in the side, “Come on, I live closer we can go hang out at mine. It’d be funny to see my parent’s reaction when I bring a friend home”

“A friend?”

I nodded, “I guess so, I guess we’re friends now”

Josh nudged me back, “Come on then friend”

“Do you want to race back?” 

“Look at me,” Josh replied. I gulped as I took in Josh’s current appearance, his shirt was drenched from the rain. It was clinging tightly to his body in a way that revealed every detail of his chest and back. His body was riddled with well-defined muscles, I looked down at my own body to be presented with a skinny and lanky frame, I sighed. Snapping out of my self-depreciating mood I actually noticed what Josh wanted me to. He was panting as heavily as I was.

“I’ll take that as a no, but we’ll have to walk fast. You’d get a cold in this rain!”

“Aw, you’re like a worried grandma, come on I’m sure we’ll be fine”

//

✾Josh✾

As Tyler opened his front door I waddled in behind him, making sure that I kept close to him.

“Tyler?” a man shouted from inside the house, “Is that you?”

“Sorry Dad” Tyler unusually squeaked in a small tone.

“We were worried sick!” Tyler’s Dad came from what was seemingly the living room.

“I didn’t have my phone to text you” Ty hung his head low.

“I don’t know why we bought you that bloody thing, you don’t use it! But anyway where have you been?”

“I went to the mall”

“You,” he paused to laugh “At the mall?” 

Tyler nodded awkwardly, “I was with a friend”

Tyler’s dad gasped comically “What did you do to them? You didn’t bribe them did you?”

I hated seeing Tyler being teased by his own family, I know they meant no harm but this was the weakest I had seen Ty. To save him from further embarrassment I welcomed myself into the conversation.

“Hi,” I said ducking from behind Tyler whilst smiling anxiously, “I’m Josh” 

"I'm Chris" he outstretched a hand and I awkwardly shook it, "Well this Is a first!" he laughed.

"Honey?" a woman who was probably Tyler's mother shouted from the living room, "Is that Tyler?"

"Kelly, you wont believe this! Tyler's brought a friend home" I heard a glass smash and then saw a woman desperately dash into the hallway.

"I'm that surprising hm?" I said sarcastically.

"Oh aren't you handsome? I think I'd remember seeing you!"

Tyler scoffed, "Mom! Don't make him feel awkward"

"Oh yes, sorry sweetie, come on lets get you two some dry clothes I mean look at the state of you! Did you walk the way home?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well done for making it thru my trash. OK here's a trash note, I made a band edit account on Instagram, its called yellowbeefinn. Please follow me I'll send u a cyber hug or whatever1!!1 I also did a tag game on there, it says a little about me I guess??


	13. Chapter XIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOPPY RANT WARNING//FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS NOTE
> 
> I woke up at 3am today and checked my phone because ??? But anyway I was greeted with rlly nice comments and I nearly sobbed?? and I'm emotionally numb at best. I love you all, your comments keep me writing and I'm rlly glad that people finally like my work?? Idk since being so SMOL I've wanted to be a writer, but when I became a TEEN I realised that my dreams were just dreams (memes) and that not many people get the chance to be published. I know that I can't be a published author with fan fiction (not yet, I will find a way tho) but getting such positive responses kind of validates that yeah I guess I can kinda write something that isn't 100% shit. This probably sounds cheesy and lame to u but thanks for getting 13 CHAPTERS in, how did you all manage U TRASH CANS ILY <333

♪Tyler♪

“Sorry about my parents, I hope they didn’t freak you out” I said as I grumpily plodded up the stairs.

“Freak me out?” Josh sneered, “I think I was the one doing the freaking out”

I shrugged, “I guess”

“I feel quite special to be honest, the first person to enter Tyler Joseph’s mystery riddled room”

“Don’t expect too much mystery, it’s a dump”

“Do not enter hm?” Josh had unfortunately noticed the lame print out poster that had been on my bedroom door for about 10 years now.

“Yeah, it doesn’t really have a purpose” I said trying to humour Josh but my self-depreciating humour was as funny as the poster itself.

“Maybe it’ll stop your parents from walking in on us!” Josh giggled as he entered the man cave that was my room. The curtains were drawn tight as always so it was too dark for Josh to notice the reddish tones that had been painted onto my cheeks. “Fucking hell dude, has this room ever seen any natural light?”

I shook my head, but then realised Josh probably could not see me. My room was dark because I only slept in here, I spend most of my time lounging around or writing bad lyrics in my basement. I liked Josh, but the basement was where I outputted my emotions through music, I wasn’t ready to show him that side of me, not yet anyway.

Light poured into the room when Josh used all of his strength to open the curtains who did not like being disturbed.

“That’s better!” he sighed, “Wow” Josh looked at my walls with surprise and excitement filling his wide eyes, “I did not peg you for the basketball type!”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked thinking back to Josh’s heavy muscular build and then my own skinny one.

“Basketball is a team sport, I just can’t really imagine you working together with the guys from school”

“Yeah I know,” I awkwardly rubbed the back of my neck, I did not like talking about myself, “I used to play as a kid, I wasn’t as bad with people back then I guess”

I reached into the cupboard that was above my bed and grabbed a singular trophy, “My team won the local league once”

“That’s great Ty!” Josh gasped as he turned the trophy around in his hands, “You know you shouldn’t hold yourself back, you should try out for the school team”

“I don’t know” I stumbled, tripping over every letter.

“I’d support you”

“You’d play?”

“I said I’d support you not humiliate myself, I’ve never picked up a ball in my life”

“I could teach you the basics”

“I’d like that, one day I guess. But for now I would come along to your practices and your games for moral support I guess. That’s if you want me there”

I shrugged, “I don’t know if I’m ready yet”

“Hey,” Josh reached out and rubbed my back, I flinched at first but I didn’t move too far away, “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to OK?”

“OK” I replied bluntly. Josh had started to shiver ever so slightly, I told him he’d catch a cold from the rain. “I’ll find you a warm sweater, you must be freezing”

Josh shook his head, “I’m not that cold” but his chattering teeth told another story.

I rooted through my chest of draws to find a jumper for Josh, in the end I just ended up giving him a plain black one. 

“OK the bathrooms just on the le-“I said before I had fully turned around. Josh was stood there shirtless. I gulped, “Oh ok”

“Thanks Ty” he pulled the top over his head and curled up his hands in the long sleeves, “This is so soft”

I nodded awkwardly.

“Sorry Ty, I forgot to ask if you had a problem with nudity, I didn’t think”

“No, no it’s okay really”

I turned away from Josh before I took off my own drenched shirt.

“Why you gotta face away dude?” Josh sniggered.

“Is it not obvious?” I said a little too seriously.

“No, it’s not” he said softly, I knew he was probably pulling a confused face.

I turned around to look him in the eye, “Look at me,”

“I don’t see anything bad Tyler, honestly”

“And now look at yourself” I sighed.

“What’s the point of this?”

“Your body is perfect dude, I still have the body of a child and you have the body of a friggin Greek god, of course I’m ashamed”

“Jeez Tyler was that it?” I nodded and asked the floor to swallow me whole, I was still shirtless but I didn’t want to stop the conversation abruptly.

“Don’t compare yourself to others, everyone has different body types and that’s totally okay, you look just fine” Josh walked over to my drawers and picked out an old basketball tee. He clumsily asked me to raise my arms and then placed the top over my head. “There we go, the first step on the road to a shining career in sport”

“Josh?” I asked in a quiet voice, “Could you help me train sometime?”

“Only if it’s because you want to, and not because you feel you have to”

“I want to”

After my little episode we were left with nothing else to say. We had resorted to sitting on my bed and listening to some shoddy mixtape that I had made. I enjoyed listening to music on my own but for some reason it was nicer when I had someone to listen to it with. 

“Hey Ty,” Josh said as he nudged my side, “Can I go to the bathroom?”

“Yeah, like I said it’s just to the left”

“Don’t miss me too much,” he winked playfully before he left. His friendliness still made me feel awkward, but I was getting used to it. As Josh opened the door he revealed my mother who must have kneeled there ever since we came upstairs. 

“Mom?” I said in disgust, “What are you doing there?” 

Josh chuckled in disbelief, “I think she was spying on us, don’t worry Mrs. Joseph we didn’t get into any bother”

Shelley was blushing profusely, “I certainly was not spying on you Tyler!”

“So, what were you doing?” I said trying to tease her furtherly.

“I-I-I was,” she stammered “I was just-“

“I’m not mad Mom, if you were”

“Honestly I think it’s adorable that you are all so excited that Tyler has a friend, I guess in a weird way this shows you care” Josh said as he awkwardly shuffled past my mother. He was so polite it killed me.

Now that Josh had left my mom seized the opportunity to smother me with questions.

“He’s called Josh right?” I grumbled in response, “How did you meet such a nice boy after all these years!” she patted my knee.

“Mr. Brew asked me to show him around, he’s the new kid”

“Ah a classic beginning to a blossoming romance!” she chuckled, she was proud of herself.

“It’s not like that!” I snapped as I removed her hands from me, “I don’t even know him that well, you’re taking this too far!”

“Oh Jossssh” she sighed, “You have the body of a Greek god!”

“You took that way out of context that’s not fair!”

“You know we don’t have a problem with you being gay” she said as she rubbed my back, “You’re still my son at the end of the day” I paused in shock.

“I’m not gay...”

“But you had to think about it”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still worried that this fic is taking too long , each chapter covers like 15 minutes??? Do you guys mind :( Also my chapters r getting longer r u welcome


	14. Chapter XIV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that I haven't updated in like a month, I'm back at school now and I have an extra lesson everyday and lots of homework so its hard to update daily like I used to?? I'm not trying to make excuses I'm sorry I MADE AN EXTRA LONG CHAPTER PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I'll try to update at least once a week :))

♪Tyler♪

In my early childhood my mother would often tell me not to dangle my legs over the edge of my bed, she said that the monsters underneath would snap at me and drag me under. I know now that she just said this so that I would not fall down from my old bunk bed, but every part of me wished it was the truth. I wanted them to drag me away from this horribly awkward situation that she had intentionally placed me in. Never in my life had I brought a friend home, never mind a romantic prospect or so she seemed to think. I just wanted Josh to come back and say that he had to suddenly rush home or anywhere else for that matter.

As soon as my mother detected his movement she squealed something about stopping for dinner.

"Sorry Mrs.Joseph, me and Ty had dinner at the mall" he replied politely with a kind and charming smile covering his face. He just had to go and act all perfect around my mother, that just made her swoon more. 

"Well!" she replied excitedly, "We cant have you going home in this rain"

"We could," I grunted, "You have a car, we could drive him"

"But Tyler, your Dad is going-" she paused whilst she conjured up some believable excuse, "Yes that's it your Dad is going to go and buy me some emergency groceries!"

Emergency groceries? She was as awkward as me but I didn't have the effort to fight her, I knew she'd win.

"If Tyler doesn't want me here I can just walk home, my house is close, it wouldn't be that bad"

My mother scoffed, "Of course he wants you here Josh!"

"I think you mean you want him here Mom" I swung my legs softly, hoping the monsters underneath still lived there. 

"Don't be so rude to your guest!" she snapped, "This is why you have no friends Tyler, you cant be a loner all your life!" 

I shot her a look of hurt, she'd never commented on my lack of normal relationships.

"I-I-I, I didn't mean it that way Tyler, you know that" I looked away from her after showing her the hint of disgust on my face.

 

"Come on Josh I'll see you out" I said placing my arm on his lower back and guiding him swiftly from my room. "I'm sorry that you cant stay long-"

Josh cut me off, but his tone was soft and gentle, "It's okay, you don't have to explain. I made a mistake coming here so suddenly. I should have realised what it meant to you"

"You don't have to treat me like a freak, I just wanted to be like normal friends, I just wanted to hang at my place without it being such a big event" I replied somewhat bluntly.

"I'll tell you what, some time soon you can come over to mine. My parents will think nothing of it, and that way we can start this all over ok?"

"Maybe" I shrugged, I was too drained to force emotion into my words.

"Anyway, don't blame your parents okay? They're only trying to be supportive, I swear it"

"I guess so" mumbling I grabbed an umbrella from the cupboards next to the front door, "Hurry home , I don't want you shivering again" my semi affectionate words were not matched with an affectionate tone. Josh waved happily goodbye and started to run toward his house. 

The streets could drown him at this rate. I pictured Josh swimming helplessly in the rising water levels and then pictured myself glued to the welcome mat next to the door. I felt as helpless as he did. I'm not sure what my daydream meant, in fact I didn't want to think about it. It hurt to be reminded that I couldn't always help Josh, but I brushed it off as I locked the door behind me.

//

✾Josh✾

I did not wait for Tyler to meet me before school, I don't think I could handle the embarrassment of walking in late to find him already there again. In my backpack I had placed Ty's jumper from the previous night, it had taken all my willpower to put it in there. As creepy as it might have sounded I didn't want to let it go, it was warm, cosy and most of all it smelt like him. It smelt of clean, crisp laundry powder, which suggested it hadn't been worn very often. The scent itself left a light layer of lavender on the jumper, come to think of it Ty regularly smelt lightly of lavender. The only reason I wanted to return it was to not furtherly anger Ty, I knew yesterday was his idea of chaos and I didn't want to worsen his mood by stealing something of his.

When I walked into the music room it felt odd, the room was now full except from one student - Tyler. Maybe he had waited for me, which made me feel horrible. I positioned myself in the back of the room, it was the only place that had a spare seat next to it. Sneakily, I grabbed the jumper from my bag and brought it to my face, I inhaled softly and found myself in a sea of Tyler. Realising that I probably looked borderline obsessive I folded it and placed it neatly in Ty's seat. I scanned the room , no one had seen me be weird, at least so I thought.

A minute before the bell rang Tyler stumbled into the room, his back was hunched and a hood covered his face.

"Morning!" I cooed when I saw him but he obviously wasn't a morning person.

"This is mine right?" Ty said as he looked at his seat. He obviously wasn't angry about me not waiting for him, he just seemed to be in his usual bad mood.

"Yeah, sorry if its still a little damp"

"It's okay," he sighed, "Do you not want to keep it? I mean what if it rains again, you're only in a shirt"

"I'm sure it'll be okay, but thank you for offering" he shrugged as he sat down beside me. Why did I do that? He was trying to be nice and I ruined it.

"I'm sorry I didn't wait yesterday" Ty said out of the blue, his lips were quivering slightly, he wasn't used to this.

"I'm sorry I didn't wait today" I echoed, trying to make him feel less ashamed.

"I thought we were going to stop the apologising business" he said trying to lighten the mood.

"Sorry," I said sarcastically.

He kicked me from under the table, and I returned the playful gesture. But I have come to understand the good moments in our relationship come as quickly as they go.

Brendon sauntered over from his seat that was thankfully placed at the other end of the room, for some reason he had decided to break the invisible barrier that had been separating our worlds. He loomed over our chairs, he was obviously expecting us to speak first but neither of us wanted to give in to him and his childish ways. 

He coughed harshly, "Are you too stupid to see me here?"

"No" Ty retorted harshly, "I just think you're too stupid to comprehend that we didn't care enough to do anything.

Bren comically raised his hands,"Woah, look who's Mr. Confident now that he's not all by himself"

"What do you want?" I said intending to be as harsh as Ty, but I hadn't quite grasped how to be rude yet.

"Tyler's a big boy now Josh, he can defend himself"

As on cue the teacher slid into her room and sighed heavily, "Everyone to their seats" she groaned in effort to continue her disinterested mood. 

I nudged Tyler, "What was that all about?"

"I don't know, he's just weird that's all"

"You'd tell me if he got worse right?"

"I suppose so"

"Tyler?" Miss.Wright called, "Who are you sat with?"

"This is Josh" he fumbled, "He was in here yesterday miss"

"Ah yes I knew that," she forced a casual expression, everyone knew she was asleep in yesterdays lesson, "I was testing you, anyway I guess you finally have a partner for your project"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay fun fact I'm 16 now, never mind this isn't a fun fact. I made a top fan account on insta its called yellowbeefinn, if you follow me after seeing this pls comment ur from ao3 on one of my posts i'll love u forever and i'll be a good mutual I SWEAR


	15. Chapter XV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIGGEST EVER CHAPTER but still no major events just FLUFFY SHIT lmao sorry

✾Josh✾

The walk home from school seemed very quiet to me. I guess Ty's previous socialisation had been a product of anxiety and a sort of the heat of the moment response to it all. I would've liked to talk more, but I wanted our friendship to be more relaxed from now on, I didn't want to pressure Tyler into doing anything he didn't want to.

"Sooooo," he said whilst his tongue was dancing over the trail of elongated o's.

I smiled a little when I realised Ty was the first to initiate in conversation, he glanced over instinctively and shook his head when he noticed my expression.

"Are you going to get excited every time I talk?" he said moodily, kicking rocks as we walked.

"Do you have a problem with that?" I said cocking an eyebrow.

"No, I guess if you're happy then I'll keep talking"

I laughed softly.

"I shouldn't have said that out loud right?" Ty continued to look down in shame and kick rocks to pacify his urge to ignore his feelings.

"It was cute"

"I'm definitely not cute Josh," he said trying to use an intimidating tone.

"If you say so boss" I nudged him playfully but he just mumbled something under his breath. I checked the road both ways and began to cross, but before my foot could leave the path I felt Tyler grab my now sweaty palm.

"Just making sure you're safe, cant let you get hit on my watch"

"I looked both ways, you didn't even look!" I scoffed.

"That was a weird way of saying thank you" he said coldly, Ty squeezed my hand as we walked across the road at his normal fast pace. The protective, and somewhat naïve, version of Ty made my heart flutter like the wings of a lovebird. He tried to act tough and authoritative and I couldn't quite decide if he was cute because he wasn't very good at it ,or if it was because he was good and it showed he cared. Either way it was obvious that Ty wasn't used to normal friendships, but it was adorable to see him making an effort.

"Thank you, I guess. We made it across a two meter length road and didn't get injured"

"That wasn't genuine" Ty retorted.

"Thank you Ty, I appreciate you looking out for me" I smiled as I tried to worm my hand away from his grip, he politely let me go.

"I suppose I'll take that" the sides of his lips were curling, but only ever so slightly. "Do you want me to walk you to your door?"

"I'll be okay, but thank you"

"So I guess this is us" Tyler rocked back on his heels and placed his hands awkwardly in his back pockets.

"It doesn't have to be" I shrugged.

"The music projects only due next month, we have loads of time to start it"

"I didn't mean that, I meant that maybe we could," I gulped, I forgot how piercing Ty's eyes could be when he wasn't the one in control of the situation. "We could maybe text each other or snap chat, I don't wanna annoy you but it'd be helpful to plan ou-"

"I don't know what snap chat is" Tyler's wavering tone made me feel physically weak, it was a punch in the face. Tyler hadn't had any friends to message, I should have realised.

"Its ok, don't sound so worried. I'll teach you sometime, for now we can just text yeah?"

He nodded briefly and passed me his phone, "Can you make a new contact please?"

When I opened the app I began to sob internally, I didn't mean to pry but I literally couldn't help it. His only contacts were his parents and his siblings, none of them had nicknames, they were all saved under formal names. His amount of contacts was so little that scrolling down was not an option.

"Is there a problem?" Ty said with embarrassment spread in his voice. He'd realised what he had shown me.

"No, I'm just thinking of what I should save my name as" I lied, trying to make him feel less uneasy.

"Josh Dun?" he replied, eyes as wide as the sky above. His lack of understanding set my heart off again.

I handed him the phone back, I'd saved my name as 'Jishwa✨', I thought a love heart was too much at this stage.

"Jishwa?" he asked, trying to sound out the name, "It's nice but its not your name, how will I know its you?"

"Tyler you're making it so hard for me not to cry right now"

"I'm sorry" he whimpered.

"It's okay, but you'll know its me because I took a picture and attached it to my contact. I figured it'd be useful"

"OK one second then"

Even the way he typed seemed so foreign to me, he held the phone in his left hand and used a finger from his right to fumble around the keyboard. Put it this way it took longer than a second for him to reply.

Unknown number: Hello, this is Tyler Joseph's phone number.

I quickly ran my fingers over my phones keypad.

"That's not fair! Hello, this is Josh's phone number, I know you're mocking me"

"Aw no I feel bad now, its cute how you text"

"The influences of my lack of social experience on my texts is a good thing?"

"Mmhm" I nodded, "Don't text and cross the road ok"

"I lack social knowledge, not general common sense"

"Don't get all defensive, I was being nice"

"See you later Josh"

"Text me later Ty"

"OK Jishwa!" I saw Tyler laughing to himself as he turned to walk in the opposite direction. I squealed happily to myself when I realised that I had peeled back another layer of the ominous figure that was Tyler Joseph. I wondered what he'd text me, or if he'd even text me at all. I hoped he would, it was exciting to think about what he'd talk about. Maybe he'd text me goodnight, maybe he'd show me things that fascinated him, maybe he'd plan to meet up more often. I slapped my face metaphorically, I was overthinking it all but I couldn't help it, I'd become borderline obsessed with Ty and it was scaring me because I knew he wasn't really capable of feeling the same.

//

♪Tyler♪

"Mom!" I called out, "Mom my cakes didn't rise!" 

Kelly wandered into the kitchen, trying to pretend that she wasn't already spying on me. "Let me have a look Ty" she sorted through the mess I had left on the countertop. "Aaah" she said, trying to role-play as a detective, "I've found the culprit!" 

She stuck out the bag of flour in her hands, "I don't see the issue with the flour, is it out of date or something?"

Kelly shook her head in disappointment, "I thought my son could at least bake fairy cakes!"

I looked down to the floor, "Well, where did I go wrong then? Teach me"

"You used flour, not self-raising flour. The clues in the name son. You tidy this mess up and I'll make a batch for you"

"No!" I said harshly, "Sorry for snapping, I just want to make these by myself"

"Who are you making them for?"

"No one, it doesn't matter"

The blood ran to my cheeks, "Are these for your boyfriend?" she smiled wickedly as she began to search in the cupboards for the self-raising flour.

"I told you, I don't have a boyfriend"

"I bet you will, after these amazing Joseph recipe cakes"

"Shut up mom, I can do the rest on my own thanks" I snatched the flour from her grumpily and started to remake my cakes.

My phone buzzed a soon after, but I still had flour all over my fingers which made it even harder to use my phone.

'Jishwa✨': I don't wanna annoy you, but I'm bored ❤️.

You're not annoying me.I was busy but I have 20 minutes free time now if you want to stay and talk

After I sent the message I realised how blunt it seemed, I clicked on the emoji button and scrolled through them. They all seemed too forward, I didn't want to use anything remotely heart related but eventually I found a simple smiley face. I sent it separately and waited impatiently for Josh's reply.

'Jishwa✨' 20 minutes? That's very precise, what are you doing? I hope its fun :)

I didn't want to ruin my lame surprise so I paused awkwardly before replying,

Nothing much, I just have to do something later 


	16. Chapter XVI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT NOTE FOR ONCE. I copy my work over from wattpad and I accidentally missed out the last part of the chapter here it is:  
> 'Jishwa✨' Nice to see you experimenting with emojis ✨
> 
> I feel awkward without them. So, what are your plans for the night? ✨
> 
> 'Jishwa✨' Don't steal my sparkle! Tbh nothing really, was just gonna practice some music to get ready for the project
> 
> I'm sorry, what does 'tbh' mean?
> 
> 'Jishwa✨' To be honest
> 
> Sorry that I'm not good at texting
> 
> 'Jishwa✨' You're fine, I'm not as bored as I was so you're doing something right
> 
> I'm glad. So, what do we talk about now?
> 
> 'Jishwa✨' Anything you want to b
> 
> B? What does this mean? Again I am sorry
> 
> 'Jishwa✨' It's just a cute nickname, and stop apologising! ❤️
> 
> //  
> this chapter is kind of a filler sorry?? It's just a lil cute morning

♪Tyler♪

'Jishwa✨' Wake up sleepy head! 

7:20am UNREAD

 

'Jishwa✨' It's 8 o'clock, where are you??

8:00am UNREAD

'Jishwa✨' I'm coming over, I'm not letting you get away with abandoning me again.

8:02am UNREAD

'Jishwa✨' Brendon's waiting for me, I can see him across the road, I'm so scared Ty

8:03am UNREAD

'Jishwa✨' Ok you're definitely not reading these, you're probably asleep, I'm coming over.

 

8:03 UNREAD

I groaned slowly as I rolled over to reach my beeping alarm clock, it's red eyes were staring intently at me. Before I could tap the button to stop the irritating noise I heard a knock at my bedroom door.

"I've slept in Mom!" I said in a heavily sleep driven tone, "Can you drive me to school please?"

"I don't have a car!" a voice called out, it definitely did not belong to my mother. "Are you decent?" Josh called out, "I'm coming in anyway, we're gonna be late"

My arms quickly reached out to grab the ends of my covers, but I was too slow, Josh caught me trying to cover up.

"Ty, come on I've seen you shirtless before"

"But still" I mumbled, trying to get Josh to look away from me. This was the last time that I was wearing just underwear to bed.

"Do you have your bag ready?"

"Mmhm," I nodded as I tried to reach the pants sprawled on the floor. Josh came running over and picked them up for me.

"Looking for these?" he laughed playfully and waved them around in effort to tease me. I helplessly grabbed the air above my head but luck wasn't on my side.

"Come on Josh," I sighed, "We're gonna be late"

"You cant go to school without pants Ty" Josh was sniggering but soon gave me my pants when he realised how disinterested I was with playing games. I looked at him with wide eyes,

"Fine" Josh sighed, "I'll look away"

"Good" I said as I sharply tugged at the waist of my pants.

"I think you should wear this shirt" Josh said whilst playing around inside my wardrobe, "I think its cute"

He was showcasing a black jumper that was decorated with an abundance of roses. My grandma had bought it for me as a Christmas present; unfortunately it had not come with a gift receipt. 

"It's lame, are you trying to embarrass me?"

"No, it's probably hard to tell from my tone but I actually like it. Flowers and black suit you"

"If I find out you're lying you're dead to me"

"It's a risk I'm willing to take, hurry up my dad's waiting in the car, I'll meet you outside yeah?"

I nodded as he closed the door behind him, I heard my mother mutter something to him as he walked downstairs. She was still as smitten as ever.

//

"Ooh isn't Josh's dad very generous Tyler. Giving you a ride to school on such short notice!" my mother beamed as she passed me my tub of cakes. I still felt ridiculous for making them.

"Why don't you just go and ask Josh out for yourself?"

"I would, but I fear I'm too old. But you, you Ty have a great chance"

"Will you just leave it alone" I snatched the tub from her hands and slammed the door behind me.

My eyes widened in surprise, and amusement, as I saw the car parked on my drive. Josh's dad drove a Tesla, I didn't know much about cars but I knew an expensive one when I saw it. It looked so expensive that I feared I would somehow ruin its beauty by just sitting inside.

Josh stepped out of the car when he saw me and ran over to the other side to open the door.

"Didn't peg you as a gentleman" I scoffed as I elegantly scrambled into the car. Josh smiled politely before shutting the door after me. Taking a sharp inhale I realised the car was furnished totally in leather. I clutched tightly to my cake tub, if I dropped any crumbs It'd be the end of me surely.

"What are you clinging on to there Ty?" Josh inquired as he crawled into the seat beside me.

"It's nothing" I retorted coldly.

"Aw come on, let me see"

"It's nothing really" 

Josh took the tub from my grip and set about untying the bow and cloth my mom had wrapped it in. 

"Are these for me?" he said with the excitement of a young child, "Ty you shouldn't have"

The heart icing started to seem a little excessive, "I didn't, it was all my mom. She wanted to apologise for being rude"

I wanted to apologise for my mother being rude. 

"I love them, I don't even want to eat them they're that nice Ty"

"Don't waste it I-, I mean she worked hard"

Shit, I was half asleep still.

Josh paused for a little while and started to look at his phone, I think the penny had dropped.

"20 minutes free time?" he quoted, "I knew that was weird, even for you!"

"Hey, isn't that a little offensive Josh"

"You were baking weren't you?"

"No" I replied in a transparent tone, Josh nudged my side.

"You totally were,aw" he cooed, "I love it"

"Yeah well I was bored, don't think anything of it"

"You even used little hearts" he squealed.

"I'll take them back if you don't shut up"

//


	17. Chapter XVII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS FOR 1K READS OMG SOBBING :)))  
> this chapter is a normal length one yay

♪Tyler♪

I was feeling very self conscious all day. I know to anyone else wearing what I was wouldn't be a serious issue, but for some reason I just hated the fact that people would notice me a little more. When I was with Josh earlier I felt less uneasy, as per usual he was more extravagantly dressed than me so people didn't bat an eye when they saw me. 

Eddy unglued his eyes slowly from his computer screen when he heard his door open, he was probably scared he'd get caught streaming videos again. 

"Hi Tyler" he said in a casual tone.

I gave him a small smile and sauntered over to my usual seat.

"Where's Josh today?" Eddy replied in a subtly concerned tone, he often tried to act as a paternal figure but it never really worked. I liked sir, he always tried to make small talk with me so that I wouldn't feel so alone in school. I used to hate his conversations because I just felt like he was pitying me, but since Josh came to school I realised its ok to receive a little help. These past few days I'd even gone to the effort of replying to his questions with answers that weren't yes or no.

After going to the effort of closing his video he drove his desk chair over to me. "I always thought every chair should have wheels" he said, probably meaning to just say it to himself.

"I wasn't in his last lesson, maybe I'll text him to see if he's coming"

"Ooh, texting hm?"

"Yeah we exchanged numbers last night" I said, trying not to make it seem like a big deal.

"I'm glad you two are getting along, I really am Tyler"

"Are you trying to make me thank you? Because I will if you want me to"

"Thank me for what?" he said with an ever so faint smirk on his lips.

"You know what"

"I feel bad teasing you Tyler, you're just so innocent"

"Leave me alone sir" I replied, I was nervously hoping he understood my sarcasm.

"I'm sorry Tyler, but in all seriousness Josh is already rubbing off on you, I feel like my child is all grown up now"

For a moment I forgot Eddy was a teacher because my first reaction was to playfully nudge him, but I quickly came to my senses and remembered that he was a teacher not a friend.

"Yeah, I guess I don't know I'm just glad you made me talk to him, I wouldn't have had the guts to do it without that starting point"

"Tyler I'm going to cry, stop it"

I laughed a little as he wheeled his car back to his desk. The room suddenly felt as empty as it had done last week. I grabbed my phone from within my pocket and held it tightly before deciding that I didn't want to text Josh. I still wasn't sure about the lines between being needy and being friendly. 

The door creaked open and I received a short wave of the noise from the corridor, I tend to forget how noisy the school can be when I'm hidden away in this room.

 

"How was the rest of your morning Ty?" Josh beamed as he quickly dashed over to the seat next to me.

"You're late Josh" I said bluntly, but my lips were trying to shape themselves into a smile.

"Come on, I was late by like 5 minutes Ty!"

"I'll let it go this time" 

"How are you settling in Josh?" Eddy said interrupting Josh, but I didn't mind much.

"Great, thanks to Ty that is" Josh's lips naturally shaped themselves into a wild smile. He turned his head to smile at me too, but I was too busy shoving a slice of pizza into my mouth.

"Pairing you two up has to be on my list of greatest achievements!" Eddy was about to wheel himself back over, but stopped when I glared at him. 

"So how was it?" Josh repeated after he realised I had avoided his question.

"It wasn't good and it wasn't bad" I shrugged, I was more interested in my food.

"So no one commented on your jumper then?"

"No"

"See I said it suited you"

"Well no one said they liked it either so"

"I like it Tyler" Eddy said as he included himself in the conversation again, "He's even helping you pick out your clothes. I'm actually going to cry, why cant I make friends this quick?"

Josh leaned over, the distance between us was making my hairs stand on edge. "Is he always this personal?" he whispered.

I nodded slowly, "Unfortunately yes"

"Well I like it," I could feel Josh's lips curl into a smile, "I think its nice that you have a teacher looking out for you"

"I guess so"

"What are you two whispering about?" a pale blush invaded my cheeks, I needed to work harder on controlling my visible emotions. "Aw no Tyler, I've embarrassed you!"

"Shut up, please you're killing me" I threw him a fake smile and he just laughed it off.

"Whilst we're on the subject of embarrassing Ty, sir do you want a ca-"

I cut Josh off by leaning over to him, "Don't even go there"

"Try me" he giggled. 

"If you do this I wont speak to you"

"Of course you will, we're friends remember" I shot him my usual glare, "OK I wont, I was only joking anyway. No one's having my cakes anyway"

"Good" I spat.

"Never mind Sir" Josh said between his silent laughter.

Josh's phone beeped shortly after, I knew better than to look down at his screen. After rapidly sending a response he turned to me,

"That was Helen"

"And?" I said, I didn't intend to sound rude, I just didn't see the significance of him telling me about Helen's text.

"Brendon's invited her to his party this weekend, he said she could bring us if she wanted to"

"Does she? I mean does she want to invite me?"

"Don't be silly, of course she does, she loves you remember"

"Hm I don't know if I want you being drunk around Bren, you don't know him like I do"

"That's why I need you there for support"

"Oh come on that's hardly fair, guilt tripping me into coming"

"Please Ty, we'll have a great time, we don't even need to talk to anyone else except from Helen if you don't want to"

"I don't know Josh, I've never been to a party before"

"I wont leave you to fend for yourself"

"I don't know" I mumbled, trying to hide the fact that I really didn't want to attend any social events, especially ones that revolved around Brendon.

"Aw come on Tyler, it'll be a great experience for you, let yourself live a little. And if anyone asks I didn't the hear the mention of underage drinking, just don't go too crazy with it ok?" Eddy was already walking a fine line with me.

"I'm only going to make sure you're gonna be safe"

Josh's natural smile returned, I swore he even squealed a little. "I'll text Helen now"


	18. Chapter XVIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the lack of updates, I've had little to no free time and when I have it I'm just exhausted. I don't want to write because I feel like I have to, because then it wont be written to my usual standard if you get me? I don't know, I'm just really sorry for not regularly updating?? I can only write when I'm in the mood and I'm relaxed so,,, Also, I got a thiscrush my name on there is yellowbeefinn, I'd cry if you left me a message :)

♪Tyler♪

I dove into the depths of my largely undiscovered wardrobe. This party was a huge mistake, for christs sake I couldn't even plan out an outfit and it started in just under an hour. My hair was damp and ruffled and the towel around my waist was my seeming more and more like my only dress option. The last time I went to a 'party' was when my cousin had a baby shower, but something told me Brendon's party wouldn't be anything like it.

Someone tapped the front door rhythmically, it was probably to the tune of some song I didn't recognise. Josh was stood there, with his newly dyed blue hair that matched his sky blue jeans, baby blue converse and cloud coloured t-shirt. Smart casual seemed to be the dress code.

"Why the change of hair?" I said hiding behind the door, I may or may not have been wearing the suit I wore to my cousins' baby shower.

"Don't you like it?" he said cocking his head to the side like a young pup.

"It suits you I guess" shrugging I opened the door further to let him inside. Josh's new hair was really adorable and I loved the way he had matched it to his outfit perfectly, but I wasn't going to admit that.

"So what are you wearing tonight then?"

"About that, I um think I dressed totally wrong so can you excuse me whilst I go change?"

Josh sniggered a little before covering his mouth with his hands, "Are you wearing a suit and tie or something Ty?"

"Do you want me to look out for you tonight?"

"Yeah, of course"

"Well then, keep your mouth shut and close your eyes whilst I go upstairs"

"Ok, just be quick, we need meet Helen there"

I quickly made a run for the stairs, suddenly my suit felt heavy, heavy enough to drag me down to the floor.

"Oh sorry Ty, one last thing"

"What is it now?" I snapped, the suit pulling me even further to the floor.

"I'll have an martini please, shaken not stirred"

I jerked my body around in an annoyed fashion, "You said you wouldn't look!"

"I couldn't resist, its really cute that you thought people wore suits to high school parties!"

"Don't belittle me Josh, don't go there"

He was holding his hands over his mouth again, "I'm sorry, you do look very smart Ty it suits you, but maybe not for tonight yea?"

"Yeah I gathered that, um Josh-"

"Yea, I will help you pick something out"

"Thanks" I mumbled as I clung on tightly to the bannister.

//

✾Josh✾

I knew Tyler would shadow me the whole night, I knew he wouldn't try to hide that either. Weirdly enough that didn't seem to bother me, I'd been drunk many times before and I'd never been reckless. But it just felt nice to have someone looking out for me I guess, just in case something did actually happen.

"What time do parties usually end Josh?" Ty asked timidly.

"Late I guess, but we can be back for what ever time you want. If you wanna leave at anytime just say and we can get a cab back"

"I don't wanna leave early like a loser Josh, I don't wanna embarrass you"

"Its not embarrassing to know your limits Ty, promise me you'll say if you get uncomfortable"

"If you're sober enough to understand me then I will"

"Tyler you act as if I'm going to outdrink everyone at the party"

"You better not do"

"Or what?"

"Or else"

"Oh boy I'm scared" I sniggered as I pushed Ty playfully.

"No but honestly, I don't want you to get hurt or say anything you wouldn't say sober" Tyler shot me his serious face, the one he used when we talked about how he couldn't play basketball due to his nerves. I gulped loudly and nodded, I felt like a child being scolded for something dangerous that I was about to do. I was only going to drink a little, I wasn't the child who tried to climb the bookshelf every time he saw it.

//

Brendon had gone to the extent of hiring a DJ and investing in some strobe lights. To top it all of he'd even bought those little red plastic cups. It felt like a scene that had been ripped right out of some coming of age comedy. Jokes aside, I genuinely shuddered when I realised who's house I was actually stepping into. I think I shuddered even more when Ty's hand tightly gripped mine. I could feel his nerves and I knew they would just worsen with each second that passed, honestly I didn't even know why we came.

"Hello ladies!" Brendon cooed from his marble staircase that curled on both sides, I knew he was rich, the snobbish ones always were full of themselves.

 

I waved politely. Tyler outstretched a holographic gift bag, it looked like one of those prize bags you'd win at the fair.

"Is that for me Tyler?" Brendon mocked as he tried to coolly slide down the bannister, it just made him look even more arrogant. "A bottle of vodka? How did precious little Ty sneak this out?" Brendon outstretched his hand and childishly ran it through Tyler's hair, big mistake I thought to myself. Tyler immediately snatched hold of Brendon's wrist and yanked his arm away. He seemed to be more confident around Brendon when I was around.

"I can take it back as easily as I brought it"

Brendon threw his hands up to mock Ty's rash behaviour. He laughed once again before heading over to his living room, "I'll see you around then"

"Woaw," I gasped at Tyler, "How did you sneak that out? I mean your mom seems to know everything"

"I didn't sneak it out," he said rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, the front of his black polo raised slightly and I caught a glimpse of his stomach, I gulped once again. Ty looked so good in black, dark hark, dark eyes, dark clothes it just all worked well together. "My mum gave it to me, she said its what people do at parties"

"Of course she did" Ty's mum was so sweet, I mean she did give a minor permission to drink, but funnily enough she did have Ty's best interests at heart.

"I'm not gonna drink it you know"

"That's totally fine Ty, you don't have to do anything you don't want to"

"The same to you too" he smiled lightly before pointing out that Helen was looking over at us. The music was already at a deafening volume so talking to her would be hard, but I guess that wasn't the point of Brendon's party. To be honest I didn't see why he allowed me and Tyler to come, it made me paranoid to a certain extent, like he was planning something.


	19. Chapter XIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've actually wrote out the rest of the plot line on a word document, this is the first time in the entirety of my life that I have created a back bone to my work! So yeah, give a take a few fillers I now know where this fic is going and I wont have to be blocked for weeks on end anymore :)) Please comment what you think about this chapter :))) I need the motivation kinda lmao AH

♪Tyler♪

The whole house was filled with a cloud of teenage sweat and the scent of alcohol. No one was sober enough to be sickened by the atmosphere, no one except from me. Josh was holding his 5th,6th,7th cup of alcohol? He'd drank so much that I'd lost count. I felt horrible because I had been powerless to stop him. He hadn't seemed that drunk, well not until now that was. Five minutes ago he was fine, he was dancing like an idiot maybe, but he was still in control, and by control I meant not viciously retching every time he went to speak. But now he certainly was not in control, and he had threw up onto my shirt. 

Josh had started to cry and tried to rub away the stain when he realised he had ruined my shirt, it was getting to the point where we were both equally as embarrassed and I finally decided intervention was needed.

"Josh?" I shouted as softly as possible, I couldn't even hear myself think above the speakers. 

Tears still pattering along his cheek he nodded in response.

"I think it's time to leave don't you?"

Josh nodded once again. I grabbed him by the hand and pulled him away from the crowd.

"Come on, lets find a quiet room so I can call my mom"

I opened the nearest door I could find that was secluded away from the noise, judging by the posters on the wall the room didn't belong to anyone over the age of 20. I placed Josh down on the bed so that he didn't try to ruin any other article of clothing I was possessing.

My fingers fumbled across the unfamiliar key pad, "Mom?" I said bluntly, "Can you come and get us please?"

"What's the matter honey?" her voice trembled a little," I know it must be serious because this is the first time you've called.

"It's not me, it's Josh. He threw up on me and I don't think he's finished"

Kelly laughed softly down the phone, "Bless you both. We've both been there, tell Josh to not be embarrassed ok?"

"I'll text you the address now, can you please hurry? He's crying on the bed"

I ended the call and looked over my shoulder to assess the current situation. Josh was curled up in the bed sheets and was snoring softly. I smiled a little before walking over to tap him on the shoulder,

"Psst," I whispered, "I know you're not really asleep"

Josh grumbled drunkenly and threw his pillow at me, "Hey that's not fair!" I squealed, throwing the pillow back in his direction. "Anyway, Kelly is coming now, we can drop you off at home"

Violently, Josh shook his head "Please, Ty" he purred, eyes as wide as the open sea, "Don't make me go back home" 

"Why?" I said trying to not sound too harsh, Josh had started to sob again.

"My Dad will kill me if he knows I'm drunk"

"You're ok to get drunk though, physically I mean? You don't have a problem with it?"

"My dad's just strict" he snapped before yanking the cover back over himself.

"Josh you cant go to sleep in Brendon's bed, we're leaving soon" 

Josh grumbled something that was too muddled to be thought of as standard English. 

Out of nowhere he brought out his arm and pulled me under the covers alongside him. Josh cuddled me as if I were a teddy to a child. But I cursed, I knew the sick on my shirt was not dry and it had probably stained Brendon's sheets. I wriggled my body in attempt to escape Josh's grip, but his arms had more muscle mass in them then I did in my entire body. Josh wedged his chin into the curve of my shoulder and began to breathe softly, the hairs on the back of my neck jumped up in shock. 

Josh's breathing was hard, I felt his chest rise and fall as it collided with my back. It was good to know that he was still alive and well. Five minutes had passed since I called my mother, she was still no where close, but truthfully I didn't mind that much.

"Ty?" Josh whimpered from behind.

"Yea?"

"I'm sorry that I ruined your night"

"I wasn't here to have a good time anyway"

"Yeah but," he paused a little, I could feel his breathing pattern change as he tried to formulate a response, "I wish I could have helped you have a good night"

"Its not totally ruined," I paused and laughed to myself, "Unlike my shirt"

"I'm really sorry about that, we can go shopping soon and I'll get you a new one OK?"

"Its fine Josh, really I was joking"

Josh had started to cry again, his mood swings were becoming worse than mine. "Its not okay Ty, it was a great shirt"

"Yeah, yeah it was a great shirt" 

His tears had started to dampen the back of my polo, they were now presenting themselves in floods. I quickly swung my body around so that I could see Josh in all of his glory, his eyes were red and his cheeks blotchy. Josh released me from his grip and let me outstretch my hands. I wiped his tears with my thumb, after I'd wiped them away we were left staring at each other with empty eyes. The tension was unbearable,I gulped and faced away. 

Josh was not happy about this. He yanked me back and pulled me even closer, he planted the most ill fitting, sloppy kiss on my lips. Josh's cheeks immediately became plagued with a shade of crimson red.

"I-I-I, I'm so-" he stuttered before throwing up on me once again. I winced before jerking Josh's body into an upright position before he had the chance to choke on his own vomit.

"I'm so looking forward to explaining this to Brendon" I sighed before lugging Josh's arm around my shoulder. "Lets get you home"

A flash of panic became present in Josh's eyes, "Sorry lets get you to my home"

As I opened the bedroom door I was greeted by a pair of wicked eyes and a wide smile. "You two have been up here alone hm?"

"Yeah, about that"

"I hope you didn't mess up my sheets"

"Yeah we-"

"You dirty fucks, why would you do it In my bed?"

I bit my tongue, "Whatever you're thinking, you're wrong. Just mind the smell when you walk in Brendon, to be honest I'm not even that sorry anymore"


	20. Chapter XX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated twice in one night woah I know

✾Josh✾

From what I could gather I was back in Ty's room, I could remember the veil of lavender that was present in his room. Tyler was lying on his beanbag at the other side of the room, luckily he was not in his polo shirt. He'd changed into a faded graphic tee that used to have BoJack Horseman on the front of it, it was cute to think that he liked cartoons, even if they were adult themed ones. The bed felt empty somehow, even though I was fully used to sleeping alone I'd never felt so cold. 

"Tyler," I groaned, sleep choking me as I tried to speak clearly. His head shot right up from his resting position. 

"Are you ok? Are you gonna be sick again?" he swiftly tiptoed over to the bedside, panic swimming in his eyes. I started to heave again and he grabbed the bin from the corner of his room. Tyler rubbed my back to make sure everything was out, I was so frustrated with myself for letting it get this far.

"Thanks," I said as I coolly tried to wipe my mouth. "I didn't actually wanna do that"

"Are you sure? Did you bring me over to ruin another shirt of mine?"

I chuckled softly but it probably came out as low croaks. 

"I want you to sleep with me Ty"

"I'm not letting you get all emotional, you're drunk just sleep it off"

"I-I-its not that Ty"

His ears perked up, "What is it then?"

"I'm too scared to sleep alone"

"I'm only over here Josh, nothings gonna happen"

"Ty, I lied to you" my lips started to tremble softly, I hated not being in control.

"I'm sure you didn't lie Josh, can we talk in the morning when you've got over these mood swings? They're exhausting"

"Please hear me out," I whimpered, a glaze covering my eyes. "I lied to myself and I lied to you when I said I could handle tonight"

"How so Josh?" I could feel my heart beating at a much faster pace. 

"I don't know how to say this, I don't say this to anyone"

Tyler grabbed my sweaty palm, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Just don't say anything you'll regret in the morning"

"My dad he," I paused, taking in the fact that Ty was sat listening to me attentively, "He doesn't let me drink because," at this point in time my speech was sounding more like ghosts of words that had once been.

"Because what Josh?" Ty squeezed my hand even harder in what I presumed was anger.

"I've been hospitalised for heavy drinking before-"

Tyler raised his hands and sunk his face into them, "Why didn't you tell me Josh? Why didn't you say?"

"Are you mad with me?"

"No"

"You sound mad"

"I'm not, I'm more worried than anything, why did you do it? I mean are you stable?"

"I'm okay now, I just didn't want to tell you in case you thought I was weird and treated me differently. I'm not as fragile as I seem"

Tyler pulled the covers back and crawled in bed alongside me, "I'd never think you were weird Josh, who am I to judge?"

"I just don't want to choke in my sleep or something I don't know, I just felt scared"

"I don't know how to handle upset people" Tyler cooed softly as he took my body and cradled it in his arms, I let my head melt into his chest. The scent of lavender was so strong now. "I guess I'm here now, you don't have to worry"

"Ty?" I tilted my head so that I was looking directly up at Tyler.

"Josh?" he said in a gentle tone. 

"I don't think I'm going to remember any of this tomorrow you know"

"Why do you think I'm being so nice?" he laughed wickedly but kindly somehow, Ty turned his back around and I was left feeling alone once again.

"Tyler" I groaned grumpily.

"What now?" he snapped comically, "I feel like I'm babysitting a toddler"

"Can you turn back around? I feel lonely"

"I'm literally 5 centimetres away"

"Yeah I know but," Tyler jerked his body around swiftly so that we were facing each other once again.

"Happy now?"

I nodded excitedly before closing my eyes. Straight after closing them I was out like a light.

♪Tyler♪

Josh's blue hair was reaching out in every direction, like little shoots reaching for the sunlight. It saddened me a little to think that he didn't tell me about his problems. We hadn't been the best of friends for a while but I would have liked to think he would have warned be about something so serious. It made me think, what other major problems could he be hiding? 

Seeing him so innocent and taken by sleep it was weird to think that he could be dreaming about something dark and horrifying. If I could, I would have entered his mind and erased all the bad thoughts that were plaguing him. 

Rays of light had started to seep through my blinds, they contrasted heavily against the dark décor of my room. I poked Josh's chubby cheek but he didn't even budge. Personally, I had no knowledge about hangovers, but judging from my siblings alcohol tolerance I knew Josh would not be in the mood to talk for most of the day.

Leaving him to sleep his problems away I slipped downstairs, it was given that my mom would be in the kitchen, sipping her daily coffee ready to hear the gory details of the night.

"Morning sunshine" she beamed from the bar stool that could rotate. When ever she was bumped up by caffeine she'd sway the chair from left to right like it was routine. 

"Morning" I mumbled, running my hands through my already messy hair.

"How was it then?" she sipped her coffee and put it down on the counter, she was a fool to think that I'd actually tell her how things happened.

"It just was a normal party, there's nothing to tell"

"That sounds very suspicious Tyler"

"I stayed sober all night to look after Josh and that didn't work out"

"I'm sure you tried your best, god Ty you sound like a grandpa I cant believe you didn't drink!"

"Mom!" I gasped, "You're meant to condone underage drinking!

"Everyone does it Ty"

"Everyone except from me mom"

The awkward conversation was somewhat saved when we heard a loud crash from upstairs. Shit, I whispered under my breath, I probably shouldn't have left Josh alone.

"Tyler!" he shouted out of sheer panic, "Tyler?"

I fumbled my way up the stairs, "Calm down Josh I went to get us coffee"

He'd rolled out of bed and was sat rubbing at the red mark on his forehead.

"This is literally babysitting, you owe me"


	21. Chapter XXI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting again ah

✾Josh✾  
I tried to find the remote to my mind but the static fuzz of the screen was too loud to think straight. Light was pouring in at me from every angle but somehow the room still seemed dark. However, I could just make out that Tyler was stood there with two mugs of coffee in his hands and a look of amusement on his face. Fighting the embarrassment, I leaned over to grab the ends of the duvet. Immediately, Tyler placed the mugs on the side table and ran over to support me, he'd spilt coffee all over his carpet.

"I'm fine" I snapped as I forced his hands away from my waist."You don't look it" Tyler murmured as he awkwardly rubbed at the coffee stain on his joggers.

"The carpets stained now I bet" 

"You know what" Tyler retorted in a harsh tone, I jumped internally. "I don't even want to talk to you if you're going to be rude, sober up and then come find me" 

On the way out he slammed the door; my body quivered in the realisation that I'd somehow hurt Tyler. I didn't realise how easy it was to trigger him. I felt bad. I didn't want Ty feeling bad because of me. But then again, what had I done? Sure, I was being a little moody but who isn't when they're majorly hung over? Maybe Tyler didn't have the capacity to understand that. Or maybe I'd done something else last night, I could have done anything, I didn't remember a thing. I didn't even remember getting into Tyler's bed in the first place.

After hearing Tyler abruptly stomp down the staircase I knew I was fully alone; I wrapped myself tightly in his sheets, it almost felt like Tyler himself was holding me close.  I went from imagining Tyler's warmth, to imagining me hitting myself. I needed to stop dreaming about Ty, he couldn't know that I sort of liked him a lot more than he liked me. It would ruin everything, I would ruin everything. I liked our friendship the way it was, I just liked being in Tyler's company, the thought of making him uncomfortable saddened me. I knew he could only just handle me as a friend, so anything more would just drain him.  Tyler was already reasonably drained.

Tyler couldn't have been too upset with me, I was desperately trying to reassure myself that he didn't hate me. He could have sent me home to my Dad, who would have been able to sense last night's drink on me straight away. But no, he didn't send me home, he trapped me in his own room. Tyler wasn't very good at being mean. I got the comfort of his bed, and he got to spend time with his mother, who I know probably has a lot of questions on the topic of me.  
The peace was broken when my phone violently shook on the table. I smiled a little, maybe Tyler had texted me asking if I was okay.

Unknown number: I bet you don't even know what you did last night. You disgust me, you faggot.

I tried to call out for Tyler, but my lips were glued tightly together. I knew something had happened last night, I just did not know the severity of it. I forced my shaking hand to hold the phone,

Me: Who are you?

Unknown number: Hint you tried to have sex with somebody in my bed. You're so fucking disgusting. Who the fuck would even do that? I knew you were homo. I just thought you at least had the decency to not do it in my bed.

Brendon.  I needed to ask Ty about last night. I knew I could not trust Brendon, but I didn't want to embarrass myself further in front of Tyler; I didn't want him to think that I would have sex with anyone if I'd had the right amount of drink.  The fact that I couldn't remember if I'd tried to have sex with him didn't really show me in a positive light. I would also effectively be telling him that the thought of me having sex with him wasn't repulsive, in fact I'd sort of be saying that I did in fact want to date him, or at least just have sex.

Brendon:  ???????   
Brendon: You cant ignore me  
Brendon: You better reply  
Brendon: You think you're better than me huh???  
Brendon: You're the whore who tried to get it on with an easy target  
Brendon: I cant believe you tried to do that to Tyler,  little innocent Tyler, I thought you were friends  
Brendon: You're taking advantage of him, I know it. That's so fucking disgusting  
Brendon: He's not even gay, you shouldn't talk to him, wouldn't want him to become like you would we?  
Brendon: You need to leave him alone  
Brendon: Fucking reply now scum

I tried to tap the keypad but the water on it was preventing me from doing so. I felt so fucking lame, letting someone like Brendon get to me, letting Brendon make me cry like a child. I knew he was probably lying, but the fact that I could have taken advantage of Tyler scared me so much. I'd been a horrible friend, my crawling skin kind of confirmed the fact that I'd done something wrong.

Me: How did you know this??

Brendon: I walked in on the two of you, you were straddling Tyler but he was squirming. You wouldn't let him go.

Me: Nothing else happened right..?

Brendon: I kicked you both out, I don't want any gay shit happening in my room

Me: I think I'm sorry Brendon

Brendon: You THINK you are?

Me: I mean for using your bed, I was drunk

Brendon: So was everyone else, but we weren't trying to get into someone's pants who probably would have been too awkward to make you stop

I gulped, Tyler probably would have felt too awkward to tell me no. In a funny sort of way I was glad that Brendon had caught me. My body continued to tremble, I had to fight the urge to sob loudly, I did not want to face Tyler if I had tried to do anything.

Brendon:  Are you still there?

Me: Yes

Brendon: Josh you need to leave Tyler alone. What if next time I'm not there to stop you.

Me: There wont be a next time

Brendon: I wont ask nicely again, stay the fuck away

It puzzled me, to see how protective Brendon was being, after all Tyler hated everything about him.

Me: Why are you being so protective?

Brendon: Are you trying to suggest I have a thing for Tyler. I'm not fucking gay, what the fuck????  The thought of it repulses me. I just don't want you hurting him, that's my thing. I'm the only one who can hurt Tyler.

Me: ???

Brendon: I dont have to explain anything to you, fucking fag what the fuck.

Me: Whatever Brendon, you're just mad at yourself because you're gay, don't take that out on me

Brendon: You're gonna regret that  
Brendon: You're gonna regret that so fucking much

Brendon didn't reply. Maybe I shouldn't have been so rude...


	22. Chapter XXII

♪Tyler♪

I sipped my new cup of coffee, the heat was blistering but that didn't stop me from drinking. I needed the energy to deal with Josh. I needed the energy to deal with myself. Josh hadn't left me alone for the past 18 hours or so, and I needed time to think. But I didn't have the time to reach clarity of thought when I had a hungover child who was probably still asleep In my  bed. Why did I leave Josh in my room? Why didn't I just send him home? I suppose I wasn't innately an asshole, like Brendon.  Grasping my mug, I tipped it vertically and downed the last bit of coffee. I wiped my mouth and set about leaving the realm of peace and entering the chaotic house.  
As I opened the back door, I lifted up the veil that I had trapped myself in for those brief few minutes. Josh was waiting impatiently by the door it seemed, he'd apparently claimed ownership of the hoodie that I had kindly offered him. I swiped the bundle of clothes from the kitchen counter and sauntered over to him. 

"My mom washed these for you" I grunted lowly and handed him the stack of clothes.  He reluctantly grabbed them. "I'm sorry for snapping back at you but, do you really have to leave so soon?"

Josh shrugged his shoulders, but his body continued to jerk slowly. If I knew any better he was crying softly.

"I didn't mean to upset you Josh, look I've had my morning caffeine now okay I can be my better self, just don't go home yet okay? I don't want your dad seeing you hungover" 

"Can I go back to bed?" Josh's voice broke is various places, it was so broken that I don't think broke was the right verb, broke suggested that it was stable in the first place and then damaged.

I awkwardly twiddled my thumbs, "Are you upset about me?" I cooed, trying not to upset him further with my usual blunt tone. Josh shook his head softly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" 

"I need to, I just, I'm scared"

I placed my hand on Josh's lower back and began to guide him back toward the staircase. 

"You don't have to be scared Josh come on"

I felt Josh jump lightly as he noticed my arm curling against his side, he'd started to radiate a heat of embarrassment. 

"Do you want me to let go? Sorry it's just after last night I thought that it'd be normal to touch you but I guess not"

I heard Josh's Adam's apple hit the floor as he fought the urge to gulp - it suddenly hit me, maybe he regretted everything about last night. He probably didn't even intend to get that close to me, it wasn't like he came onto me or anything, it's just In the brief moments of last night I felt like I finally had the capacity to finally feel something other than numbness. The thought of Josh's arms around me just made me feel warm, I don't know what else to compare it to because it was a totally new feeling for me. I guess I was taking a liking to the idea of affection, but Josh obviously felt very uncomfortable on the subject. 

"No, no" he quivered, "I like when you hold me, I feel, I feel stable sort of. Thank you for looking out for me Ty"

"Like I've said last night was no biggie it's okay"

"It's not that, I just mean. You didn't have to be my friend, I know I make you uncomfortable, and that you barely know me yet I put you through all of this"

I opened the bedroom door and swiftly shut it behind us, to keep the prying eyes of my mother safely in the dark.

"T-t-t-Tyler?" Josh stammered, gobsmacked at my sudden burst of energy. I moved my arm from Josh's waist and pulled him close, it felt odd, me being the weedy one and Josh the strong, but it seemed like Josh needed a hug as much as I did. I felt him nestle his head into the crease of my shoulder and I sighed a little, I'd been craving his warmth ever since he left me alone last night. 

"Is this okay?" I muttered into his ear, as I whispered the hairs on his neck shot up.

"It's nice Ty, its just, are you okay with this? I don't want to force you into anything"

"I like it, I think, I don't know I don't want to overthink it"

Josh pulled away slowly and gave me a polite smile, he plonked himself down on my  bed and patted the empty space next to him.

"Why were you mad at me this morning?" he tilted his head in his usual puppy like nature.

"I guess I was confused about last night you know?"

"How so?" my hands had started to shake as a product of my nerves, Josh took them into his own and started to rub them softly. 

"It's just, did you mean it?"

"I don't know how to say this, I don't want you to think any less of me"

"I would never"

"It's just I cant remember anything I did last night, and I'm just scared that I maybe forced myself upon you? That's why I thought you were mad"

"Nothing like that happened Josh, don't worry"

"If I ever do something like that again, don't be scared to stop me. I wont be offended. What hurts me more is the fact that I could be taking advantage of you and you wouldn't even be able to tell me"

My brain didn't have the time to stop and think. In the heat of the moment I just acted upon the urge that was suffocating me. I turned my body to face Josh's, after inhaling deeply I lightly placed my hands onto Josh's head and brought him a little closer. I kissed his forehead softly and lingered there for what felt like too long, my breathing quickened it was stupid how worked up I was.

"Tyler, I think I might cry. You're so adorable"

"I am not, I just, whatever okay I'm not cute"

Josh pushed my gently, "You're like my small child bless. A forehead kiss? The purest kiss"

"I wish I could take it back"

"Do you mean that?"

"No, not really"


	23. Chapter XXIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN// sorry for the lack of updates, I had to revise for eight exams this week lmao. I finished an exam like an hour early today so I was thinking about fic ideas ;)))) I have like 2 exams next week but after that I should be able to update more regularly :)))

♪Tyler♪

"No one comes here on a Sunday, it'll be okay" Josh said softly as he dragged me through the gate. 

I hadn't been here in years.  It was somehow different from how I had remembered it, in fact I didn't recognise it at all.  The concrete path was not in a solid form, it was soft and I sunk a little as I tried to trudge through it. But Josh seemed stable enough; for some reason the ground did not want to swallow him whole.  I snapped out of my daydream when I realised that it was  just a path, there was nothing special to it.  Nothing besides the memories that I had made here.

"Its embarrassing" I whimpered as I closed the gate behind me; I felt like a prisoner trapped in his cell.

"You said you'd teach me to play" Josh was grinning widely, smugness didn't suit him.

"Have you ever picked up a ball in your life?" I sniggered in attempt to mock him, but I didn't have the ability to offend him anymore, I didn't want to.

"Well yeah of course, I'm not completely inept"

I chucked the basketball lightly so that it would not wander too far, but apparently I had not threw it light enough. Josh's arms flailed and the ball escaped his reach.

"No fair," he folded his arms and furrowed his brow, "I wasn't ready"

"You always need to be ready, in basketball there aren't alerts that the ball is coming your way, you have to be ready for anything. Its fast paced" I jogged lightly to chase down the ball.

"Alright then Mr.Sporty," Josh slapped me as I rose up from the ground, "Show me what you can do"

"I haven't played in years" I quivered, suddenly realising how out of practice I was.

"All talk no walk then are we?" Josh raised his eyebrow and shot me a challenging look.

I focused on the net and nothing else ; I lined up the ball and tried to estimate where it would hit, I knew if it didn't go in I wouldn't hear the end of it for a while.

"Come on, basketball is fast paced" he echoed.

In the heat of the moment I span my body clockwise so that my back was facing the net, I threw the ball and prayed that my attempt to impress and quieten Josh would work. I saw him slowly clap.

"I'm guessing it went in right?"

He nodded quickly, "You have to teach me how to do that"

"I think we'll start with just getting it in facing forwards first, have you ever made a basket?"

"A what?" he shot me a look of utter confusion.

"Have you ever got the ball into the net, you know the thing up there with gaps in?"

"Alright, come on I cant be that bad" Josh eagerly snatched the ball from my hands.  He comically tried to replicate my throwing preparations but he was doing nothing productive, he was practically just shaking the ball. Josh's throw was way too strong and the ball hit the backboard at an immense force, it backfired and shot off into the far distance. 

I clapped slowly.

"Your throw is way too strong"

"I cant help my strength" Josh winked, I could never see him as a masculine figure. He would always be the boy with baby blue hair.  

"You're not macho, you know that right"

"But I have the body of a Greek God remember!" I didn't like the idea of being teased.

"You know what, I'm never saying anything nice to you again" 

Josh pouted, "Aw come on don't be like that, I tell you what we'll have a bet to cheer you up. If I make a so called basket then I get to make you do anything I want"

"What's in this for me?" I shrugged.

"Nothing really, I just wanted to make a bet"

"Well, judging on your previous performance it's a bet"

"By anything I mean anything okay"

"Okay" I gulped, there was no way Josh could get the ball in the net at this current moment in time but a swarm of panic was still surrounding me. 

Josh ran over to the field that was backing the basketball courts, when he returned he was panting softly, I gulped, I should not have been thinking about my friend in this way.  
Miss,miss,miss  I chanted under my breath, if I was any louder Josh would accuse me of being a distraction.  Once again Josh shuck the ball in attempt to line it up with the net, this time his grip seemed stronger and his arms more stable. I winced and closed my eyes after I realised what was going to happen. He'd done it, he'd got it in.

"One word. How?"

"I might have lied about my inability to handle a ball. I kind of practiced the other day with my brother Jordan"

"That means the bet isn't valid, this wasn't a fair bet"

"The world isn't fair Ty" Josh radiated an air of mischief. I shook my head, I knew something seemed a little off.

"So, what are you going to make me do?"

"Ah the power I have" Josh grinned, "Well actually I didn't really think about it"

"So you made this elaborate plan to trick me, but you didn't think about what you're gonna make me do?"

"I'm more intelligent than I sound right now okay"

"mhm" I sighed, Josh nudged me playfully.

"Right that's it, for teasing me I'm gonna make it worse"

"Try me"

"Someone's cocky, I'm definitely gonna make you suffer now"

"Oh boy I'm scared" I threw up my arms in the air, Josh reached over to pull them back down, my arms were stuck to the side of my body and Josh was gripping them tightly. I looked down , I couldn't bring myself to face him. Gulping, I slowly raised my head.

"Do I make you nervous now?" he whispered, Josh was too close. I could feel his warm breath hitting my skin. 

"No" I retorted

He leaned over so that his lips were inching towards my neck, "Are you sure about that?"

I blushed intensely, "W-w-w-what are you doing Josh?"

"Nothing" He pulled away abruptly. His eyes widened in shock when he looked into the distance.

"What's wrong Josh?"

"Its Brendon"

"So? I thought we were better than him, you don't have to be scared about him touching us you know. Two's stronger than one"

"I guess" he said lightly, just loud enough so that I could hear him.

"What's got into you? What happened to you being playful?"

"Can we just leave Ty?"

"Sure yeah okay, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, just can we hurry , I don't want to talk to him"

"Has he hurt you or something Josh?" 

Josh didn't reply. 

"Josh?"

Josh didn't reply. 

I grabbed his wrist but he flinched and wriggled away. "Don't touch me okay"


	24. Chapter XXIV

✾Josh✾

I didn't think Brendon was that much of a problem. I knew he had been horrible to Tyler in the past, but since my arrival he hadn't even looked at him in the wrong way. Tyler was weak when it came Brendon, but around me he was protective. I should not have been scared of Brendon. But I was. I was so scared. Scared to the point where I had to deny Ty's touch.

"Did I do something?" Tyler stammered, his hands frozen at his side.

"No, I just don't want to give Brendon a reason to -" I had to stop myself. Brendon was probably just on a morning walk, people did that right? I was probably worrying Tyler for no real reason.

"Reason to what?" apparently my body was transparent, because Tyler seemed to be looking straight through me.

"Is he walking over? I don't want to look" 

"Do you want me to go and talk to him?"

"I'm not a child. Is he walking over?"

"If you're not a child, turn around"

"Don't tease me right now I'm being serious, is he there?"

I felt a light tap on my shoulder. The ice from Brendon's fingertips was rapidly spreading throughout my body. 

"I'm here" Brendon's lips briefly brushed against the skin on my neck. He planted his chin onto my shoulder, this was Tyler's job - not Brendon's.

"Did you follow us here?" Tyler spat, he could see my obvious discomfort.

"Why on Earth would I do that?" I felt Brendon lift his chin slightly as he forced a laugh to escape his mouth.

"I think you're obsessed" Tyler cocked an eyebrow. He wasn't the nervous boy he had been only minutes ago.

"Mm perhaps, perhaps not" I could feel Brendon's grin expanding, I was afraid, afraid that it would become so big that it would push me over. "Anyway, I was just going on a jog, fate must have brought us together"

"A jog hm?" Tyler inquired. 

"Yea, the thing that's halfway in between running and walking, fresh air helps to cure hangovers" 

"So you're going jogging in jeans and a blazer? You're still in last nights clothes. I can smell the alcohol on you from all the way over here and I can see the darkness all around your eyes, you haven't slept at all"

"Oh yeah? " Brendon unglued himself from my neck and sauntered over to Tyler, he could barely walk in a straight line. Brendon grabbed Tyler from the shirt, but Tyler didn't flinch, he didn't even bat an eyelid.

"If I had the capacity to feel anything other than disgust I'd pity you. A drunken mess, that's all you are" Tyler pushed Brendon away lightly, It amazed me. He hated Brendon so much, yet he went out of his way to make sure he didn't harm him. 

"Who said you could touch me?" he spat, he literally spat on the ground. Disgusting.

"Who said you could touch me?" Tyler echoed, he was being so brave. 

Brendon was on an emotional rollercoaster, it was probably being triggered by his high levels of intoxication.

"I don't like it when you fight back" Brendon's voice sounded croaky and raw, this wasn't the first time that he had cried today. He reached out to grab Ty's shirt again, but this time it wasn't a sign of aggression. He was wrapping the cloth in his fist in effort to pull himself even closer to Tyler. Ty's eyes were wide . 

"I don't know what to do when you fight back. This isn't how I planned it" His sobs were small and fit tightly between his words. Brendon wiped his eyes on Ty's shirt, his tears were leaving permanent stains.

"Brendon I think you better go before you embarrass yourself"

"Why do you care?" Brendon snapped, yet somehow he did not sound angry, if anything he sounded like he was in suffocating pain.  "All I've done is hurt you Tyler!" he let go of Ty and guarded his eyes with his fists. His back was arched and his breathing heavy. I had no idea what was happening.

"You're going to say things you don't want to, the alcohol is speaking Brendon. Go home" Tyler's bluntness was being overshadowed by his kind intent. It was like a spectator sport, I was watching Tyler face his biggest fear yet he seemed so effortlessly calm.

"I don't want to leave"

"Why is that?" Tyler walked over to Brendon and removed his hands from his face, Tyler wiped Brendon's tears and he took his chin into his own hand and forced Brendon to make eye contact. I should not have been jealous. Stop stop stop stop,  I chanted to myself. Tyler was being so kind. I only wanted Tyler to be kind to me. This was not like Tyler. Why was he being so nice? Did he and Brendon have a romantic history? My mind was racing. 

"T-t-t-, Tyler" Brendon whimpered, my fists curled themselves without consent. I should not have been getting jealous. Tyler wasn't mine. Brendon wasn't Tyler's. Brendon was a bully. Tyler liked me.  
"Tyler, I need to tell you, its eating me up. I think I like you. I think I've liked you for a while" 

Stop. 

My heart froze. I needed to get out of this. I needed to go far away. I'd got too close too soon.  I didn't want to watch anything else unfold in front of me, I grabbed my jumper and began to swiftly make my way to the light at the end of the tunnel. 

"Josh?" Tyler shouted. "Josh where are you going?"

"Let him go" Brendon said a little more harshly than he had intended to, "You have me now, you've always had me. I just didn't know how to tell you" 

"What? So you isolated me from the entirety of our year? You bullied me to the point where no one even wanted to look at me just in case you came after them too"

 I turned around to see Tyler push Brendon away violently, the care he seemed to have had was wiped away in seconds. 

"I just wanted you to get home safe, that's all. It's called decency" Brendon was strewn across the basketball court, he'd started to curl up in a ball and rock gently. He was such a child. A broken child that was fraying at the edges.

"Josh slow down" Tyler was panting heavily, I could hear his footsteps intensifying. But I didn't want to talk, everything was happening too fast, I needed to calm down. Calm down on my own.

"Joshua" my heart stung. He'd never called me that. "What have I done?" he whimpered. "I just wanted to make him go away, I didn't mean to hurt you" He paused for breath. "Have I hurt you?"

"No" I whispered softly, if I was any louder he would have heard that I was crying too. I didn't even know why I was upset. Brendon was retching in the distance, his continuous crying must have got to him. I turned around to see Tyler, his eyes swimming with panic. He didn't know whether to calm me down, or stop Brendon from hurting himself...


	25. Chapter XXV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the spicy previous chapter, here's some fluff to soften the blow

♪Tyler♪

I knew it was late but I couldn't sleep knowing that Josh was upset.

To: 'Jishwa✨'  Please meet me tomorrow before school, I want to talk.  
10:21pm unread

I fumbled across the keypad, I still wasn't familiar with the mechanics of a phone. I knew that I should have not left Josh to wander home all alone but I think it was obvious that he needed space -  I was praying that I had made a correct assumption. The thought of Josh ignoring me, it made me feel numb, it made me feel isolated. I felt like I was back to being my old self. I didn't want to go back to that place, that lonely numb place. 

But I had the chance to be with someone else, I apparently now had Brendon. But the very thought of him made my skin crawl. I would never let him treat me like Josh had. The idea of him touching me repulsed me to the point where my skin stung. His hugs would not be hugs. It would feel like he was slowly squeezing the life out of me, well what life he had let me have.  His skin would be rough and coarse, it would graze against me like sandpaper, leaving me wounded. Josh was soft, Josh was gentle, Josh was kind, Josh was what I wanted. But I was afraid that I had lost him.

To: 'Jishwa✨'  I'm so sorry Josh, please reply I want to know what is going on in your head  
10:24pm unread

To: 'Jishwa✨'  Don't shut me out please. Don't do that to me. Let me help.  
10:25pm unread

To: 'Jishwa✨' I didn't even know Brendon liked me okay. I think that I  have a confession, kind of  
10:26pm read

'Jishwa✨'Go on'

I grinned a little, Josh was here with me.

To: 'Jishwa✨'  I knew that'd get your attention.

'Jishwa✨' Don't tease me I'm not in the mood.

To: 'Jishwa✨' I can feel you grinning all the way from over here.

'Jishwa✨' Shut up I can see you beaming too. I know its only been a like half a day but I think I miss you.  

To: 'Jishwa✨'  You'll have to hold on until tomorrow. 8am sharp.

'Jishwa✨' I wanna see you right now, but I know if I come over I wont ever want to leave

To: 'Jishwa✨'  You're so cheesy, go to sleep we can talk about this in the morning.

'Jishwa✨' I cant sleep. It feels empty now without you here.

To: 'Jishwa✨' Josh you're killing me stop being so cheesy. You need rest. This weekend has been exhausting for all of us. You're gonna need energy for tomorrow.

'Jishwa✨' Will you come over?

To: 'Jishwa✨'  I don't know where your house is

'Jishwa✨' But if you knew would you?

To: 'Jishwa✨' No because I want you to sleep

'Jishwa✨' What if I said if you came it'd help me sleep and then you could leave

To: 'Jishwa✨' What's in it for me?

'Jishwa✨' I know you want me to sleep well

To: 'Jishwa✨'  Maybe

'Jishwa✨' You wouldn't even need to sneak out, Kelly adores me of course you can come so you cant lie and say your mom said no, I live at 2012 on the street facing the library okay you cant miss it, we have a pink door

To: 'Jishwa✨' I'll think about it.

I clicked my phone off and placed it onto my dressing side table. When I turned on the lights I revealed a lanky figure gloomily staring back at me from the other side of the mirror.  I ran my hand through my hair and ruffled it a little in attempt to fight my bedhead, but it was a losing battle. My legs were bare. I couldn't go like this. Why was I trying so hard? Josh would be asleep anyway.  I threw on my black plaid bottoms and an old black hoodie that had the logo of some band that I didn't recognise anymore. 

"Mom" I whispered lightly, I didn't want to wake my Dad because he had work early in the morning. Kelly rubbed her eyes and looked up in discomfort.

"Tyler I'd just gotten off to sleep, what is it? What's wrong?"

"Can I go to Josh's house?" I awkwardly rubbed the skin at the back of my neck, "He urm, is having trouble sleeping"

"Are you okay to walk? I can drive you" She snapped out of her sleepy trance and scrambled over to the corner of the room to find her shoes.

"I'm fine. Also, you just want to find out where he lives"

"I do not!" she stammered, "I just want my son to be safe"

"Mom, I'm 17 I think I can manage walking for a few minutes alone"

"Are you going dressed like that?"

 

"Well yeah, no one is gonna see me anyway"  
"Lets hope so" she laughed softly and crawled back under the sheets. "Have a nice night sweetie"

The air was cold. It was biting away at me. I was stood at the door of a grand house, a grand house with a pink door. Josh answered straight away when I tapped lightly, his hair was messy and the blotchiness of his cheeks was fading, but it was still there. My heart stung.

"Afternoon" I grinned, Josh outstretched his hand and gently pulled me inside on his house.

"Come on, its freezing"

"Does your Dad know I'm coming?"

Josh nodded softly, "He doesn't mind don't worry. Come on lets get you a hot drink, you poor baby"

"Don't call me a baby" I snapped, "I'm not a child okay you're the one who needs help not me"

"I'm still getting you a drink, baby" Josh chuckled softly, my already pink cheeks reddened. My complexion was a mixture of the cold and embarrassment. "I cant believe you walked here in pyjamas"

"I'll have you know I actually got dressed for you"

"Oh yeah? What were you in before then? Was you gonna come in your suit again?"

I poked Josh's side, "I wasn't wearing anything"

"Oooh!" he squealed.  
"No!  I didn't mean it like that" My blushing intensified. "I just meant I couldn't walk here in nothing so I just threw this on"

"You took a while, I bet you planned it. I like you in dark colours, they suit you"


	26. Chapter XXVI

♪Tyler♪

"I'm not sleeping over" I whispered gruffly as I quietly shut Josh's bedroom door behind me. I didn't want to look at his room, I wanted Josh to fall asleep and I wanted to leave as soon as possible. Going out on school nights stressed me out, but the thought of Josh being uncomfortable worried me more.

"Why not?" Josh raised an eyebrow, he then turned to face his window. He was slowly raising it upwards in attempt to make little sound.  
"Come here Ty" He waved over his hand and I blindly followed. Josh climbed through his window and secured his footing on the roof.

"Josh get down!" I shouted, but he just laughed. "What are you doing? You're gonna fall!"

"Stop being such a baby and come out" his dropped his hand into the window, I squeezed it tightly and hoisted myself onto the rooftop. 

"Stop calling me baby, its not my fault I have common sense"

"Stop whining and come lie next to me"

"Is this safe?"

"Probably not but"

"If I die because of you I swear-"

"You swear what?" Josh turned his view from the open sky and looked at me. I didn't know how this was scientifically possible but Josh's eyes had absorbed the pattern of the stars above. They twinkled a little every time he talked. 

"I just swear that's all" I was glad it was dark, I didn't want Josh to see my embarrassment, I didn't want him knowing that he had the capacity to make me extremely nervous now.

Josh reached over and interlocked our arms, "Bro!" he giggled, "You're palms are so sweaty, are you okay?"

No, I'm extremely scared to be near you in case you want something that I cant give yet.

"Yeah, must be cold sweats. When are we going back in?"

"Awh come on we only just got out here"

"I need to go home"

"I need to relax come on, just stay a little longer" Josh whimpered, I felt him wiggle closer. "You don't even need to talk to me, just look up"

I shook my head, he was such a romantic type. Stargazing on a roof, pizza dates, teen parties. It was like Josh was dragging me into the plot of a teenage movie. I just hoped this movie had a happy ending.

Josh was right. The stars were calming. But I probably found them relaxing for a different reason. It was nice to know that Josh found happiness in something as simple as the sky, it made me worry less about him. I was glad that he had methods of calming down without me. Somehow it reassured me that everything was going to be okay, in context it seemed stupid, we were just looking at collections of gas, most of the stars we were looking at were probably long gone. But they meant something much more than that. Josh had invited me into his own little pocket of the world, his private retreat.

"How often do you stargaze?" I said, breaking the heavenly silence.

"Nearly every night, I don't know its just something I've always done. Back home I had a balcony so it was safe, but my Dad said I couldn't do it since we moved. He doesn't know about it"

"Josh?"

"mhm" he replied softly, his eyes still focusing intently on the sky.

"Next time you come out here, text me. I don't want you to get hurt up here"

"I wont get hurt"

"Text me"

"Admit it, you like it too"

"Text me" I was smiling so much that it was starting to hurt. Josh playfully nudged me and my body jerked so that it was facing him. I opened my eyes wide to make sure that he could see my reaction.

"This is why I need to safeguard you! That was dangerous Josh" Josh nudged me again. I gripped tight of his arms, I held him so tightly that I was scared for a minute that I'd break him. 

"That's it we're going inside" I heard Josh's breathing intensify, I'd scared him. Good. I didn't want him hurting himself and If I had to shock him into doing that, then I had to shock him.

"You better be following me right now" I said as I pulled my body through the window frame. I heard a light scrambling behind me. "Gently " I whispered as I held Josh's hands and guided him safely into his room. "I'm definitely coming next time"

"What if I just don't text you when I'm up there?"

"I guess I'll just have to come and check then"

"What, every night?"

"Every night" I echoed. "Can you go to sleep now? I need to sleep too you know"

"Sleep here then"

"I don't have my bag or anything" I untucked Josh's duvet from his bed and folded the edges neatly. "Now just get in" 

Josh placed himself into his bed grumpily, I went to move the covers and tuck them underneath but he stopped me.

"Wait"

"What is it now?" I sighed. 

"I need to take my shirt off"

"Well you don't need to, whatever just hurry up" I grunted, I checked my phone display. It was 11:06pm.

"Aren't you going to react anymore"

"No, now just get sleep so I can leave, its dark i'm gonna get mugged"

"Sleep over then, we can get your bag in the morning"

"I'm not sleeping-" Josh yanked me over, I fell graciously into the sheets. "I guess I am sleeping then"

"Too right" I wormed my way into the sheets and left a small gap between me and Josh. 

"Tyler?" Josh cooed, I knew I wasn't going to sleep anytime soon. "Can you play with my hair?"

"Don't push me" I turned over so that my back was facing him.

"Aww" he whimpered, "It'd help me sleep sooner, and then you could sleep sooner"

"Did I mention how much I hate you?"

"Mm yeah but you're gonna do it, I know you are"

I growled lowly before rolling over in the bed, I nestled myself into Josh's side, fixing myself to him like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

"You better pay me extra for this"

"That makes you sound like a prostitute you know"

"I was thinking more of a babysitter but"

"Hey you're the baby here! My baby"

My skin felt hot. "Stop calling me that"

"Don't lie, you like it"

"Stop it, Joshua"  a smirk spreading itself across my lips.

"I feel weird when you call me that"

"Good" I ran my hand through Josh's hair, it was as soft as I had expected it to be. It mirrored his personality. I was drunk from sleepiness but I'm pretty sure Josh let out a little purr.

"How long do I have to do this for?" Josh's body curled over to the side and his head fell onto my chest. Apparently I didn't need to do it for that long after all.


	27. Chapter XXVII

✾Josh✾

My neck was stiff, it ached as I tried to unglue myself from Ty. I must have spent all night leaning on him as my body was still attached to his. Raising my head softly I peered over at Tyler who was still in a deep sleep, his chest was routinely falling and rising and taking my body with him. He was letting out small sighs that were synchronised with the songs of the morning birds outside. Tyler's cheeks looked so soft and chubby, I was fighting the urge to squeeze them, but it was too much.

"Hey!" Tyler squealed as he swatted my hands away, "What was that for?"

"Morning baby!" I teased as I wriggled away from his chest and rested my back on my headboard. I rubbed at my neck in attempt to soothe the pain - Tyler noticed.

"Are you okay?" he cooed as he rubbed the sleep away from his eyes.

"Yeah, my neck hurts from cuddling but it was worth it"

"I hate you so much"

"You didn't tell me to not call you baby this time" a playful grin presented itself onto my face.

"Whatever" Tyler groaned, sleepiness was lingering in his hushed voice. "What time is it?"

"Eight o'clock sharp" I echoed, "Do we have to go to school today?" I traced a unrecognisable shape onto Ty's bare chest, Tyler wasn't happy with my whining.

"Yes, don't be lazy come on" He shot out of bed, "Am I gonna have to walk to my place like this?" he stated as he looked down at his pyjamas bottoms and lack of shirt.

"No, I'll fetch you something to wear okay"

"I don't trust your fashion sense"

"Wha? Is that an insult Joseph?" I teased raising an eyebrow.

"I wont wear it if I don't like it"

"Looks like you're going to school naked then. I mean I personally wouldn't mind-"

"Stop"

"What?"

"You know I feel bad about my body don't tease me, not about that" Tyler shrugged and threw his hoodie on, masking his skin underneath. 

"I could tell you about how much I love your body but we'd be late to school"

"Honestly, Josh shut up and find me some clothes okay"

"I love your dark eyes, your dark hair, I love how they work together. I love your chubby cheeks, and the smile you think you're forcing but I know its real, I know you want to smile-"

"Joshua" I gulped. It felt weird when Tyler called me that.

"Okay, okay!" I threw my hands into the air, "I'll look now"

I sorted through the sea of colour that was my wardrobe to find the singular black item of clothing that I owned. 

"Here, this is plain enough"

"I came in a black hoodie Josh can't I just wear that?"

"This one is different, look" I pointed to the embroidery on the hoodie's front.

"I am not wearing this Josh" he whined in discomfort.

"Why not, its just a black hoodie?"

"You know why" he pointed to the lettering that spelt out my name.

"You still owe me one from that basketball game, wear this and these shorts"

"Jean shorts?"

"Jean shorts"  
\--------------------  
♪Tyler♪

"I think he's busy Josh" I said as I peered into Eddy's room, Brendon was sat alone at a desk.

"How so?" Josh enquired as he peered into the small window on the door. "Oh" he squeaked, "I'm sure we can still go in"

"I mean do you want to go in?" Josh shrugged lightly, I knew he wouldn't have the will power to say no.

"Its okay you know, if you don't want to" I rubbed the small of his back in effort to comfort him.

"No, I don't want it do be a thing anyway its okay I don't care"

"I mean you do but-"

Eddy cut off our conversation, I had previously been leaning on the door. But since Eddy opened it I found myself awkwardly stumbling towards the floor. Josh sniggered alongside him.

"I've been watching you squabbling just come inside" Me and Josh both faked a small smile and made our way to the back of the classroom. "Its not like you two to sit at the back of the room, do I sense a bit of tension?"

I nodded harshly so that Eddy would realise not to go there. "Oh well we cant be having that, come, join us"

"Sir" I snapped.

"Tyler?"

"Don't make us do that please"

"I've let you sit in my room for years on end, just do this one favour for me Tyler"

"Tyler its okay" Josh nudged me and pulled me forwards.

We sat on the desk that was adjacent to Brendon's but he didn't even look up, he was still nestling his head in his arms.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Eddy sighed, he obviously wanted to be here as much as we all did.

"No but I suppose we're going to have to" Josh kicked me from under the table.

"Sssh he's only doing his job" I kicked back.

"Is this like counselling now?" 

I started to rummage in my backpack, Kelly had made us both lunch. She left a little note on the tub. "I'm glad you had a nice night. hope you didn't do anything I wouldn't do xx" I crumpled it up and aimed it at the bin. Impressively Brewerton caught it before it had the chance to reach its final destination.

"What's this then?" from the reddish hue spreading on my face he knew that the note would be something to break the silence and cause conversation to begin. Brendon's heard jerked up when he heard the note.

"What did you two fags do last night then?" he mumbled lowly, but Eddy still heard.

"If you're going to continue to be negative, your just going to have to come to counselling more often Urie"

"What did you two boys do last night then?" he coughed. Brendon's eyes were still being weighed down by a lack of sleep. It worried me. I hated Brendon, but he was still a living breathing human.

"Yeah what did you do?" Eddy scooted his chair over to the front row of desks.

"I just slept at Josh's, that's all"

"That's all?" Eddy squealed, "That's more then I've ever done with anyone"

"Well he couldn't sleep so" water started to present itself in Eddy's eyes.

"Stop. I wish I had a friend like that"

"Friend?" Brendon snapped, "I think that's more than friends"

"Oh you're just jealous" Josh said, leaving his veil of silence, "You're jealous that Ty likes me"

"Don't get too heated" Eddy retorted, trying to fake a stern tone. He was secretly loving it.


	28. Chapter XXVIII

✾Josh✾

"Calm down Josh" Tyler whispered gently, he placed his hand on my inner thigh, "Don't let him get to you" I gulped, I was swallowing my self confidence. Ty was being forward and it made me so uncomfortable, I had the same viscosity as jelly. I didn't know there was a good way to feel uncomfortable, but I was feeling it. It felt so good to be so close to another human.

Eddy quickly wheeled his way to his desk and rummaged through the piles of crumpled documents, they were probably a lot more important than he made them seem. "Ah ha" he muttered to himself, "here it is". 

"What is it sir?" I said trying to diffuse the situation that I had created. 

"A tutoring folder," he wheeled back over the desks and flicked quickly through the pages, "Basically I have to do a mini evaluation on you all to track your progress"

"Well you don't have to" Brendon spat as he lifted his head from the desk, "How often do I have to come here anyway?"

"As long as it takes to change your attitude"

"So forever then?" I sniggered, I felt Ty's grip on my thigh tighten. I gulped.

"Sorry" I whispered in his ear, he smiled pleasantly but didn't dare look me in the eye, I think he was understanding the new power that he had over me.

"Sooooo" Eddy cooed, "Who wants to be my first test subject?"

The room descended into a deathly silence.

"Okayyy" he sighed, "I'll go in alphabetical order, that means you Brendon"

Bren groaned, "My surname begins with a U sir"

"I'm mixing it up, we're using forenames now, okay lets consult the check list of questions then-"

The door sprung open and a small quaint boy walked in, his cheeks were oddly yet beautifully rosy; his eyes were a dark shade of brown, they radiated a sense of warmth and comfort. His hair was tousled and tied up with some sort of red headband that matched his patterned silk scarf. He trembled slightly as he tried to speak,  
"This is the correct room yes?" my heart broke for him.

"Mr. Brewerton's counselling dinner session?" Tyler replied softly. The boy nodded.

"Long time no see!" He waddled over to Ty's desk, Tyler was no longer holding me - I felt lost.

"Ryan Ross" Ty shook his head, "When did you get back?"

"Oh, only yesterday. I know I should have called"

"I'm offended that you call me Mr. Brewerton!" Eddy beamed and actually stood up from his chair for once. He outstretched his hand and awkwardly shook Ryan's. "How was England?"

"Mm its quiet, I liked that about it"

"So why did you come back?" Eddy was still smiling wildly as he guided Ryan into the seat next to Tyler - I needed to stop being so possessive, my hands were curling into fists.

"My Dad got cut loose from the firm so here I am" 

I coughed a little, "Does anyone want to tell me what's going on?" I faked a sweet tone and small, polite grin.

"Tyler's boyfriend is back after 3 years. Look's like you'll have to share him Josh" Brendon smiled to himself and kicked at his bag from under the desk.

"Friend?" I whispered to Tyler, "I thought you didn't have friends"

"Well I didn't, I don't know what to say Josh. Ryan was a loser like me, we weren't friends so to say, we just sat with each other at lunch for a few months before he left,  it was less terrifying then sitting alone"

"Was that all?" I snapped. Fuck. I needed to calm down. Tyler opened his lips to form a response but I pressed my finger against them. "I'm sorry, its none of my business sorry, my emotions are all over the place recently"

"No no, its okay" he whined, he returned his hand back to my thigh, "It's cute that you're jealous"

"I am not" I replied as I grabbed Ty's hand gently from underneath the desk, he began to stroke the side of my hand softly with his thumb.

"How would you feel if I was doing the same thing to Ryan right now then?" I shot my head under the desk to navigate Ty's spare hand, it was glued to his own side - I sighed in relief.

"Don't do that to me" I nudged his shoulder with my head.

"Why is everyone here so fucking gay?" Brendon sighed once again.

"You don't have to lie to yourself here" Eddy cooed.

"Are you accusing me of being homosexual sir?" he spat.

"Accusing makes it seem like a crime. Its not a bad thing to like men okay"

"So do you like men then?" Brendon's lips were curling.

"That's a personal question, but I'm not ashamed and you shouldn't be. Yes I am gay, and if you have a problem with that well I'm going to help solve it"

I clapped slowly which triggered a response from both Ryan and Tyler, Eddy was glowing a radiance of pride. He playfully bowed from his chair. 

"Thanks guys, I wish high school was like this when I was your age. Before you say anything it wasn't that long ago I'm not that old okay"

We all nodded in unity, an air of acceptance was filling the room. It impressed me how calmly Eddy seemed to be handling everything. 

"Okay back to the counselling Brendon you didn't escape me that easily" Eddy was speaking loudly and somehow more confidently than before. "How are you feeling on a scale of 1-10?"

"This is so fucking gay," he coughed "so lame"

"Answer it so I can move on"

"I'd say a 4"

"Neutral bordering on sad? How so?"

"My dad saw me pissed and asleep on a basketball courts at like 11am, he thinks I have an alcohol problem and that I'm self destructive. But hey, at least I'm not a loser like everyone else in the room" Brendon's voice had started to crack, I was experiencing mild de ja vu.

"Do you wanna talk about it, maybe we can bump you up to a 5?"

"This is so fucking lame" he snivelled, he was hitting the desk in anger "The saddest thing is I do want to talk about it, I just don't know how. I don't want to be a jerk you know?"

"Why do you think you're a bully figure then?"

"I guess I like the power, I'm trying to fool myself. Trying to be someone I'm not"

"There's other ways to gain purpose Brendon" Eddy leant over to sympathetically rub Brendon's arm. He flinched.

"Don't touch me fag" he snapped and pressed his fists to his eyes, "I didn't mean to say that. I'm so fucking sorry" he banged the desk. "I'm so sorry"

"Hey,hey,hey" Eddy said in a calm, cool voice. "We're here to help you okay! Isn't that right boys?" 

The remaining three of us nodded nervously. Brendon's bursts of anger were having an effect on Tyler, I could feel it. Every time he raised his voice Ty squeezed my hand a little tighter, it was no longer an attempt at making me uncomfortable. It saddened me to imagine the flashbacks he was experiencing. 

"I just don't want to be so angry all the time you know, you're not even a professional. Fuck. I can afford a private therapist you know, but they don't care. I've seen Tyler slipping in here at dinner, because of me. You've always let him sit in here and I thought, that maybe you'd help me too. I just ,I don't know"

"Brendon, its okay calm down come on" Eddy threw him the stress ball that was conveniently situated on his desk. "The boys probably wont forget your years of bullying and torment okay, but we can work towards a more positive future"

"Ryan? I said popping my head around Tyler who was acting as a barricade, "Sorry for being so salty before, I guess I'm just paranoid about Ty, I don't want him getting hurt"

"I didn't even notice" he smiled a huge fucking grin, it was so big that it literally spread from ear to ear. He was so cute it hurt. I was scared, scared that Tyler would realise that I wasn't the only boy around.


	29. Chapter XXIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1400 words of Brendon lmao sorry if u want only Joshler ah I just wanted to explore Brendon's character more!! If you want more Brendon perspectives please comment

★ Brendon★ 

Ryan hadn't aged a day, his skin still looked as soft as ever and he hadn't grown an inch.  He was a child in adults clothing. His naivety could have made him appear cute but to me he just looked vulnerable, someone who wouldn't fight back. It sickened me when I realised that I still thought like my past self, I hadn't changed at all. The only new thing about me was the fact that I'd admitted I wanted to change. Ryan was scribbling something roughly in his notebook, I could swear on my life that he was trying to catch unseen glances of me, but his glances were definitely not unseen.

"Can you stop looking at me?" I protested as I rubbed my arm, my skin was crawling. Funnily enough I didn't like being the centre of attention, not on such a personal scale anyway.

"S-s-s-sorry" Ryan stammered, his plump lips were quivering. His sensitive display of emotion was biting away at me, I wanted to reply with aggression but I had conquered the urge to be a dick.

"Its okay" I said in the most reassuring tone that I could access.

I went to rub his back in comfort but he flinched away immediately. "Shit" I whispered a little too loudly, "Sorry, I should have realised that I'm still a jerk. I wish I could take back everything I did and said you know"

"I don't hold grudges" the sparkle in his eye made me wonder whether or not he was being sincere. "We can start again if you'd like! Besides, that shit was years ago"  
"I think I'd like that" an unfamiliar shade of red started to take over my cheeks.

"Did I just make the Brendon Urie blush?" he sniggered.

"Shut up, anyway what were you writing? Is it a diary? Show me"

Ryan slammed his book shut and tried to pull it away, I reached over the table and attempted to snatch it from his hands.

"Brendon don't" he pleaded. 

"Come on it cant be that bad!" 

"It is"

"Alright, alright" I shot my arms into the air, "Old me would've taken it but you know what the new me respects privacy"

"And so you should!" he nodded lightly and smiled a little too weakly, he was still afraid. Ryan let go of his tight grip on the notepad - an opportunity had headed my way. I picked it up and from the corner of my eye I saw Ryan curse under his breath.

"What happened to the new you?" he whimpered.

"Well its a process, anyway I didn't give you permission to write about me"

"Its a free country!" he pleaded, Ryan folded his arms like an upset child. Cute.

"That was England Ryan, this is America"

"This is the land of the free" he spat, his voice was still low despite the fact he was answering back to me.

"Whatever, I have a right to know what you're writing about me"

"Journey From Bully To the Victim - an article by Ryan Ross"

"An article?" I squeaked, "You're a writer now?"

"I've always been a writer Brendon, you presented me with an award in middle school remember?"

"Oh" I sighed before my eyes flicked back to the page. 

"Brendon Urie still possesses the key traits of a narcissist but the self love he has is not real, it is fabricated. He is in love with the perfect version of himself that he has crafted - his personality is based upon lies alone,  he is insecurity in its human form."

"You think I'm a narcissist?" I raised an eyebrow and ironically bit down on my lower lip, "I mean what would I like about myself?" I ran a hand through my perfectly styled hair. Comedy was my way of blocking out the fact that everything Ryan had wrote was true.

"It's stupid, just forget you saw that" he leaned over to snatch the paper.

"Hey!" I shouted, "Watch out you might rip it!"

"Good, I hate it"

"Well I don't, I think you're really good with words"

"You just like it because its about you"

"Well your article does imply I'm a narcissist, I'm only playing the role I was given"

"Very funny" he shoved the book into his bag, "Don't worry I wont expose you or anything, I don't think the school magazines has any vacancies anyway" 

"You do realise my Dad owns half of this school. I could get you in, if you really wanted it that is"

I heard him internally squeal. "But what would I have to do in return?"

"I hadn't thought of that yet, nothing too strenuous don't worry" I playfully smirked, but this wasn't a game to Ryan , he was clutching onto his bag so tightly I could hear the fabric screaming for some sort of release. "I like your writing, I'm not going to make you do anything just promise me you wont use my name okay? Make it anonymous, its more mysterious that way anyway"

"You don't have to be ashamed of being gay, its okay"

"Why does everyone assume I'm gay?"

Josh's ears pricked up, "Because you drunk confessed your crush for Tyler" 

I saw Tyler nudge Josh harshly, my blood was boiling. I wanted a relationship like theirs, well not one that included getting hit harshly, but one as passionate and interesting.

"You what?" Ryan perked up, I heard pencil hit paper as he scribbled the unravelling conversation down.

"Yeah, he told Ty he'd had a crush on him for years" 

"Josh seriously, shut up. Maybe Brendon didn't want anyone to know that" Tyler said sternly, his tone sent shivers down my spine so I couldn't imagine how Josh was feeling. 

"Sorry Brendon, I'm a blabber mouth" Josh said, Tyler was obviously forcing him in someway to say this. I checked under the desk, Tyler was squeezing Josh's hand. It made me jealous how possessive he could be.

"Mmm make sure your Daddy keeps you in check next time okay?" I winked as I fought back the urge to not be sick at my own words.

"Eww" the three boys said in sync.

"You're disgusting" Josh spat.

"Don't lie, you like it really" I was cringing at myself, "Anyway I'm taking Ryan somewhere, don't have too much fun"

"Are you?" Ryan said as he lifted his head up from his book.

"Yeah come on, I'll give you a tour of school" I nervously reached out for his hand - I'd never intimately touched another boy before, it felt so weird. His hands were so soft like I'd imagined them to be, they were small and dainty and fit perfectly in my own. They were radiating heat, I'm sure of it. It was transferring over to my own body, somehow I felt connected to him. I was probably overreacting.

We left the room hand in hand. It'd felt so good in Eddy's room but paranoia was now plaguing my mind, everything was happening so fast and I so desperately wanted to reach out for the brakes. 

"Are you sure you want to be seen with me Brendon?" Ryan squeaked quietly, to him I was still the cat and he was still the mouse.

"Why wouldn't I?" I gulped, guilt swimming between my words.

"I just don't think you're ready to change your character so soon. You cant go from calling people fags to holding another boys hands within the space of 10 minutes. Its cool I don't expect you to"

I grabbed his hand and his body jerked in reaction to my sudden burst of enthusiasm.

"Fuck it, none of my friends like me anyway"

As we turned the corner I saw my group of friends leaning against the wall, my grip tightened.

"Do you want to do this Brendon?"

I nodded. We walked by hand in hand. One small step, I thought, one huge fucking leap.

"Brendon?" Dallon questioned, "Who's this?"

"Ryan Ross" I replied bluntly.

"What are you fucking homo or something now?" I panicked. I wasn't stable. I violently let go of Ryan and pushed him to the ground as lightly as I could, but it wasn't lightly enough. He whimpered.

"Of course not, I was winding him up, I thought it'd be funny to mess with his feelings" I chuckled nervously.

"Hahaha you got me there Bren, come on lets go bunk" Dallon took me under his wing and dragged me out of the doors, he placed an unlit cigarette in my mouth.  
 I was repulsed at myself. I didn't want to look back, I couldn't face the hurt in his eyes. But I had to, I had to look. 

"Fuck you" Ryan snapped between his sobs, "Fuck you Brendon Urie"


	30. Chapter XXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY IT FINALLY POSTED LIKE 12 HOURS LATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 sorry for the wait

Ryan

I hated myself for being so weak. I should have realised that Brendon's perfect version of himself was his own idea of perfection - not mine. He didn't care about me, not really. Brendon didn't have the capacity for it. But he did have the power to care about himself, we live in a dog eat dog world and unfortunately Bren knows this. He knows that no one else has got his back.

I did not want to cry. I did not want Brendon to feel like he had won. But he had. Brendon had won. Every tear that fell stung, my cheek was a blank canvas that was now drowning in self pity, self hatred,disgust. My arms shook violently as I tried to pick myself up, but I couldn't even support my own small frame. I should never have come back here. I should never have let myself talk to Brendon Urie.

My body jerked as someone grabbed me tightly by the arm, they dragged me forward and it didn't look like they intended to stop anytime soon.  I turned around, Brendon's skin tone was blotchy and red - he'd obviously run back in a hurry.  His cigarette was now lit and its smoke was creating a fog that was enshrouding us.

"That's a dirty habit" I spat as I grabbed it from between his lips. He snatched the cig back and threw it on the floor, using his shoe he extinguished it.

"Be careful, you don't know how to handle them"

"Apparently you know how to handle me"

"I want to go somewhere quiet to talk,come on"

"No!" I squeaked as I tried to wiggle away from his grip, "You're ashamed to be seen with me and I wont stand for it"

Brendon leaned over and wiped the new set of tears from my cheek, "Don't push me I'm trying my best here"

"Well maybe your best isn't enough, I'm not strong enough to deal with this right now"

Brendon looked around nervously and then realised that the coast was clear, "Come on Ryan" He opened the cleaning cupboard door and gestured for me to walk in first, how romantic.

"You couldn't have picked a better place?"

"Do you wanna talk or not?"

"Fine" I crossed my arms again and pouted like the child I was.

★ Brendon★

Ryan was so cute when he pouted his lips, it hurt. 

"Don't do that" I said sternly, fighting back the urge to kiss them right here, right now. I couldn't look away, my anger, my passion, it was all mixing into the one giant mess that was me.

"Why not?" he teased, his tears were fading.

"Because" I stuttered, Ryan was so cute and I'd finally allowed myself to really look at another boy and I didn't want to look away.

"Anyway," Ryan said as he attempted to brush me off, "Did you come back to say something important?"

"I'm sorry okay Ry, I don't know what came over me" I shook my head, "That's not enough is it?"

"Not really Brendon, I'm sorry. What you did really hurt, but it made me realise you're not ready to open yourself up yet, don't force it, its not going to work"

"Can I fix it?"

"Take me out sometime"

I had to pause to think everything through.

"Hm the fact you had to pause shows you're not ready to be seen with me in public"

"Can we start off slow?"

"Brendon?Do you like me? I mean you don't even know me? You like Tyler its obvious, I don't wanna be second bes-"

I couldn't take it anymore. I took his chin into my palm and I raised him up to his tiptoes, our faces were somewhat parallel. I moved in quickly so that he couldn't question me, Ryan's lips crashed against mine, but it wasn't violent, he didn't fight against it. He mirrored my movement perfectly, he tasted so sweet. I moaned softly, Ryan must have found this humorous as he pulled away with a grin smothering his face.

"Am I the first boy you've kissed?" he sniggered as he wiped his lips.

"Was it okay?" I rubbed my back awkwardly and suddenly realised how small the cupboard was, there was no backing out now.

"Am I the first boy?"

I nodded lightly, it felt weird to be the inexperienced one.

"And yes it was okay, not the best one I've had but"

"Not the best?" I raised my eyebrow, "You mean you've kissed other boys?"

"My friends in England were pretty chill, they weren't homophobic dicks like you"

I pushed him gently, this time it was gently enough.

"Do you believe me that I'm sorry?"

"Mm partly"

"How can I make it up to you?"

"You can try that again" I'm sure I caught Ryan winking, god. Everything was happening so fast but I didn't care, I was fuelling myself from the adrenaline.

"I thought I didn't compare to the English boys?" I leaned over him and placed my hands on the wall behind him in attempt to get even closer, but somehow it wasn't close enough.

"Well they're not here anymore" I could see nervous beads of sweat starting to roll down his forehead, I smirked. I was back in control.

"Oh?" I said raising my pitch, "So I'm second best now"

Ryan leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek lightly, "Come on Bren lets go back to Eddy's room, I hate it in here, I feel so dirty"

"Dirty? You mean because of the mops and shit?"

"No, this feels so scandalous"

"Teen boys make out in a closet oooh" I teased, Ryan blushed.

"You made me!"

"You liked it"

"Whatever, come on. We need to keep an eye on your little crush Ty, I saw him wearing Josh's hoodie, its official, they're dating"

"Pfft why would I care?"

"You care so much Ty don't lie" Ryan placed his hand on my chest and looked up at me with those big fucking eyes of his, they wanted to swallow me whole and I didn't care. I wanted to be lost in them, I wanted them to take me away.

"Whatever , come on" I echoed. As I turned the door handle it fell off into my hand. Shit.

"Umm Ryan?"

"What is it now?"

I showed him the door handle.

"Fuck"

"What do we say when people find us in here????"

"I was thinking more like ARE PEOPLE GOING TO FIND US AT ALL BRENDON"

 


	31. Chapter XXXI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> joshler is back okay don't p a n i c

 

♪Tyler♪ **** ~~~~

"Mm I'm sleepy" Josh whined as he forced his way under my arm, I felt conscious of Eddy but then realised he didn't care.

"Well we shouldn't have gone star gazing then you idiot" I twirled a longer piece of Josh's hair, he sighed lightly.

"I'm not an idiot"

"Of course you're not" I grabbed my bag from under the table, "Come on I wanna go somewhere"

"Brendon much" Josh coughed.

"Hey! I just wanna show you something okay, is that not allowed?"

"I suppose so" Josh rubbed the sleep away from his eyes and let out a petite, delicate yawn.

"You're so cute you know" Did I say that as quietly as I had hoped?

"Tyler that has got to be the gayest thing you've ever said"

"Who says I'm gay?" Josh pointed to the name badge on my hoodie, "Fair enough"

Josh gasped, "Did you just come out to me?"

"You should have realised by now that I'm attracted to men"

"Attracted to me don't you mean?"

The lights crackled a little and began to rapidly flicker, eventually they died out completely. I was glad, Josh wouldn't be able to see the sea of red that was my face. Who was I kidding? I was terrified of the dark. Sure, I liked my dark bedroom but that's because it was my safe zone,school is torturous enough in the light...

"Shit" Eddy stammered, I could vaguely make out that he was feeling around the walls in attempt to find the door, "I'm going to go and find the caretaker okay, don't move boys!"

"Josh?" I said lowly, I didn't want to admit how terrified I was but I needed to feel safe.

"Tyler?" he replied as softly as ever.

"I'm really scared, please don't leave me"

Out of nowhere I felt a blanket of arms cover me, I shuddered a little in response before letting myself melt into Josh.

"I wont leave Ty, come on it wont last that long" he nuzzled against me with his chin, my head was glued to his chest - I didn't like looking in the dark, I was scared that I would see something that wasn't supposed to be there

"Promise you're staying?"

"I promise, mm and I'm the cute one"

"It's a rational fear to have okay"

"What, that monsters are in school right now because the fuse has tripped?"

"Someone could trip and fall okay"

"You do realise people can fall with the lights on"

"Oh Tyler please come to my house I cant sleep without you!" I mimicked, I didn't like feeling belittled.

"Shut up you baked me cookies, you're the lame one" he snapped, I hoped it was playfully.

"You know what, I think I might go and help Sir with the lights, maybe I'm not such a pussy after all" I wanted to move but something was holding me down, perhaps it was fear or maybe it was Josh's tight grip around me.

"Let me go Josh" I whined as I tried to pull away, but Josh was a lot stronger than I was. I smiled as I realised what was really happening

"You're scared too aren't you?" I nudged him.

"I am not scared"

"Prove it big man"

"No, I don't want to"

"Correction. You want to prove me wrong, but you cant"

"Oh yeah? Lets play a game then"

"Your games never go down well Josh"

"You think of one then smart ass!" Josh released me from his grip and breathed out heavily. The blackout scenes in movies usually resulted in the characters huddling together for safety but that didn't seem to be on the cards, the levels of testosterone and competition were as high as ever.

"Okay lets see, we can play truth or dare"

"You're so basic Ty"

"Shut up, its short notice okay, so Joshua truth or dare?"

"You know I feel funny when you call me that, don't Tyler"

"Stop avoiding my question" I prodded him.

"Dare" he muttered something about this being so lame under his breath.

"Okay, I dare you to kiss the first person you see" I suddenly regretted saying this, I realised I didn't want Josh to kiss anyone else but me.

"I'll take you up on that"

I felt Josh hold on to my chair so that he could drag his forward, strange I thought. The door was in the other direction. The room was pitch black due to the lack of windows, but I knew Josh was close, extremely close. I could hear his racing heart, I could feel it beating from the small distance between us. He was breathing heavily, in a rushed pattern. He was scaring me, the unpredictability the dark brought was scaring me.

Josh clumsily placed his hand onto my face, he traced around my skin in attempt to find the thing he was so desperately yearning for. His finger felt so soft against my lip, as our skin came into contact I felt small electrical pulses transfer across us. He was going to do it, I choked on my words, they wouldn't surface, I didn't have the capacity to say no.

His lips were chapped and rough, but that didn't stop him from being delicate and sweet. Josh worked slowly, I raised up my hands and placed them on Josh's warm cheeks. I didn't want it to end, but it had to, it had to end. I felt Josh smile against my skin as he stopped, he radiated an aura of happiness.

"Not bad for a dare hm?" Josh sniggered, I want to reply with sarcasm, with wit, with anything. But I couldn't bring myself to talk.

"Are you not gonna call me a baby for not going out to find someone else?"

I wanted to tease him, I wanted to say that he was weak for not wandering out into the darkness alone, but in truth I was glad he didn't leave, I was glad he saved that kiss for me.

"Tyler?" Josh whimpered, "Did the monsters in the dark kill you?"

"Not funny" I sniggered.

"You're laughing so it must be"

"Josh, was that okay for you?"

"What being forced into kissing you? You could've asked nicely"

"Forced?" I quivered, "You wanted that as much as I did right?"

"Hmm maybe I just didn't want to kiss anyone else, maybe I wanted to kiss you, maybe I was too scared to wander into the dark corridor alone and meet a handsome stranger, maybe I think there's monsters outside... We'll never know"

"It seemed like you meant it to me but then again I have nothing to compare it to"

"Don't dwell on it, of course I meant it, I wouldn't kiss anyone if I didn't mean it. Truth or dare?"

"Seriously?" I gawped "You wanna play a game after that?"

"Shut up drama queen come on its fun"

"Okay then, I pick truth, you're not tricking me into kissing you again"

"Tell me why you love me"


	32. Chapter XXXII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (PS if you don't know what a coccyx is, it's the tailbone, basically just a point at the bottom of your spine that really hurts if you bruise it, okay wink wonk)

 

♪Tyler♪

"I don't love you" I mumbled incoherently.

"What was that?" Josh placed his hand firmly under my chin and forced me to look upwards, "You have to tell the truth, its the whole point of 'truth' Ty"

"Josh don't" I said lowly, I didn't want him to feel the heat radiating from my skin.

"You have to tell me why Tyler Joseph, tell me why you love me"

"Don't be a dick Joshua Dun" I heard him snigger lightly.

"Touché, I'll rephrase it okay, why do you like me Tyler I mean you must like something about me"

"I like the way you're always happy, I don't know, I suppose you've made me a happier person that way"

"You'd still like me If I was sad right?"

"Do you even need to ask that Joshua?"

Josh nudged me playfully in the arm, "Stop calling me that baby"

I gasped, "We are NOT bringing that back"

"What's wrong baby?" he teased.

"That's it Josh, I swear down" I reached over to drag his chair but my arms flailed as I tried to grab onto empty space - Josh had pulled my chair from underneath me. I knew there was a reason why I hated the dark. The echo of my chair smashing onto the floor wormed itself around the room. Josh's laughter was so loud that it overpowered the sound of the chair.

"Tyler are you okay"?" he asked between his short spurts of laughter.

Pain was presenting itself in short tiny bursts, they were travelling in a upwards motion from the bottom of my spine all the way to my mouth - I was letting out low, frequent moans of pain.

"Josh I think I've landed on my coccyx funny, like honestly" I was biting down to prevent myself from crying like a child, but the pain was too much for me to handle.

"Alright alright, I'm sorry for embarrasing you like that, no one saw, you can just get up now okay" I felt him rummage around in attempt to find my hand, I grasped onto him and hoisted myself into an upright position."Come on, sit down we can talk"

"I dont want to" I whined.

"It's obvious that we need to talk at some point" he was mirroring my previous actions , Josh was using his thumb to stroke the side of my hand.

"No, I mean, I don't want to sit down, Josh I really have hurt my coccyx"

"Okay okay I believe you" But he didnt believe me, Josh playfully slammed me down onto the nearest chair and straddled me, he was effecitvely intensifiying both the mental and physical turmoil I was in.

"Josh please" the pain was no longer spreading around in short burts, it was concentrated right at the bottom of my spine.

"Mm shut up you like it" I could feel him grinning widly as he tugged at the strings of my hoodie, "I think I like being this close don't you?" I felt him wriggle around in my lap.

"Josh honestly, please" He leaned over to place his lips inches away from me.

"It's fun come on" I felt his lips caress the skin on my neck, "It's dark you don't have to be ashamed"

I whimpered lightly, "Tyler are you crying?" nervousness was leaking out of Josh's words.

"Did I go too far?" he staggered backwards and removed himself from my lap, "Shit, I'm so fucking sorry, fuck"

"No no" I cried softly, "It's not that. I wasn't lying when I said I'd hurt myself, it hurts so much Josh"

From within the darkness I saw panic flare up in Josh's eyes, "I have to go find Eddy, are you okay to stay here?"

"You said you wouldn't leave me Josh"

If panic could make a flame Josh was caught in a forest fire, "Okay, okay, put your arm over my shoulder" I clung onto Josh as a crutch, if I was being fully honest with myself I didn't need to hold him. My coccyx wasn't preventing my movement, In fact moving around was a lot better than sitting on it, but where's the fun in coming clean.

////

"Okay Tyler" the Doctor said as he peered up from his little clipboard, "You haven't broken anything, you've just lightly bruised yourself. The only thing I can suggest is to take some painkillers and try not to sit down for extended periods"

"How long will the pain last?" Josh sounded like a worried mother, he was sat next to me in the doctor's room, his hand glued to my own.

"Around a few weeks, nothing more than a month , luckily Tyler's bruising is only mild so I'd say around two weeks tops"

"Do you think I could stay off school with the pain?" I said, trying to test my luck.

The doctor laughed uncomfortably, "Haha, not really Tyler I'm sorry, and no I'm not going to forge you a note. Sorry I didn't catch your name" the Doctor turned his gaze over to Josh who was nervously twirling strands of his once straight hair.

"Oh I'm Josh"

"Okay Josh, please make sure this doesn't happen again. It's a good job Tyler here has health insurance, otherwise it would have been very expensive to have the x-ray that was pointless really"

Josh sweated nervously, "You do have insurance right?"

"No, but it cant be that expensive right?"

"Spine x-rays are like $90 dude"

My lips formed a simple o shape, "Looks like I'm breaking into my piggy bank"

"Tyler you are not paying for this, I pulled the chair out, its my fault"

"Its my coccyx that's bruised not yours, anyway you told me that I shouldn't have it, I just wanted it just in case, I worry too much"

"Tyler I am paying and that's final"

"We can go halves"

"This isn't a bill from a dinner date Tyler, come on let me take responsibility its the least I can do"

"I don't wanna fight okay, I promise I'll make it up to you Josh"

"Sleep over again Ty"

"I might as well pack the kitchen sink and come over"

"Let me take care of you Ty"

"I have a bruised bone, I'm not dying"

"Shh" he giggled, "I was making up excuses for you to come over again"

"I'm not some whore you can dial"

"Technically I am paying for you, I'm paying for your medical fees. You're my hoe"

The Doctor coughed awkwardly, "Sorry boys, just butting in to say I'm still here. I just checked your records it seems like your insurance is invalid Mr.Joseph"

"Make the check out to me please, my Dad will handle it from here, thank you for seeing us"

"Its no problem boys, just be careful next time" he waved politely as he ushered out of his room.

"Sorry for straddling you Tyler" Josh burst out in an infectious type of laughter.

"Hey! It isn't funny it hurt"

"Mm I'll just have to try it again when you're not injured"

"There's so many chairs why do you have to pick mine?"

Josh ruffled my hair, "You're so fucking innocent Tyler Joseph"


	33. Chapter XXXIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an// I'm really scared that you're all going to leave because I write too much angst, I just don't want this fic to end right now, I'm not a believer in romance. I don't think you kiss someone and then everything works out fine, I wish it did but eh it doesn't and ??? I wanna make this realistic LMAO well kind of if you get me, I wanna make angst, I want to make you all feel something because the ending will feel so much better??? Please hang on, the angst will fade ah :((

 

✾Josh✾ **** ~~~~

"I feel like you're going to ask me to move in soon" Tyler groaned delicately as he melted into the pillow fort that I had carefully constructed.

"I wish I could ask" I placed myself next to him and cautiously leaned on his shoulder, "Does this hurt?"

He shook his head softly. From the corridor I heard keys jangling around in the lock, the sound stopped for a moment, and then presented itself again in the form of heavy footsteps.

"Is Tyler around again?" my Dad moaned from outside of the room, his voice sounded rough - he'd been drinking again.

"How did you know?"

"There's two pairs of shoes in the basket, you know I do wish you'd get more friends"

"Tyler go to my room please" I said as I rubbed him gently on the back, "I'll meet you up there soon, don't come out, don't listen, just stay there okay?" I tried to give him a reassuring smile but it was cracked, it was fading quickly.

"Josh what's going on?" Panic was surfacing.

"I've got this, just don't come out yeah?"

"I've spent my whole life hiding I think I can last this long" we both forced a light wave of laughter, none of us fully understood the severity of the situation.  I peered around the door frame to see Ty politely force a smile as he sorely limped up the staircase, my Dad glared at him with empty eyes.

"Why do you have to be so rude Dad?" I snapped, his eyes were still empty.

"Joshua you know why I'm mad"

"Don't call me that" I spat, he grabbed me by the collar.

"I moved us away from that lovely private school to this piss poor state owned excuse, I didn't just do it for the fun of it _Joshua"_

I bit down, "It's different here Dad, the people are different. And anyways I have other friends, I'm friends with um Eddy,Brendon and Ryan"

Luckily my dad didn't know that I wasn't really friends with any of those people.

"You know what I mean Josh, don't make me into the bad guy here, I'm far from it!"

"Yeah yeah, you're not homophobic, you just want to isolate me away from all men just in case someone has something to say about it, well guess what Dad! I don't care what people think, I don't see why you're so caught up"

I jerked my body away from his grip and staggered backwards. Dad raised a hand to his head and clawed away at his migraine.

"Don't do that Josh. Don't twist it"

"I'm not twisting anything, if you have a problem with me being gay Dad I'd rather you just tell me, I'm sick of you hiding behind your words"

He shook his head softly before melting into his hands, "This is the shit I get for trying to protect my child? I don't need it Josh, I really don't"

"Sorry to be an inconvenience"

"Josh don't say that, you're not, you know I love you for you I wouldn't change you"

"But it'd be so much easier if I could just stop loving men right?"

"I don't want to see my son go through the horror you experienced again, why is this so cruel? You need to learn that not everyone is as kind as I am" I sniggered, "It's true Josh, people are A LOT worse than I am, do you want to a repeat of previous events?"

"It's different now, I swear"

"I saw your phone yesterday"

"You what?" I gasped, my hands squeezed tightly around my phone that was glued to the inside of my jean pocket.

"That Brendon boy, I know he's not your friend"

"Dad he's fucking gay! He literally came out a few hours after those texts, you're just jumping to conclusions" I felt so bare, like my skin was transparent and my dad was looking straight through me.

"Joshua I raised you not to lie"

"But-"

"We're not going to fight, you're not going to date Tyler any longer"

"We're not together Dad"

"Well then, lets call this letting him down lightly actually it's better this way. Seeing as you aren't official it wont hurt as much, it'll be easier to move on this way"

My heart beats were decreasing so rapidly I was so scared that they'd cease to exist. For the past few weeks I'd been lost in a sea of Tyler;, I hadn't had time to think about a world without him. I didn't know how I'd handle school. Brendon liked Ryan, Ryan liked Brendon -there was no room for me, I didn't fit in without Ty. I needed him as much as he needed me.

"You're too quiet Josh, you're scaring me.What's wrong..?"

I choked on the words that were clinging desperately onto my vocal chords.

"Dad?" I whimpered, keeping the chaos In my mind behind closed doors, "What are you going to do?"

"I'm pulling you out of school, I should have done this years ago. You're going to be home schooled from now on, I've hired a private tutor"

"You're gonna isolate me like a princess in her tower?" I didn't want to be angry, but I was, I was so mad at him.

"Josh it's not like that, don't overcomplicate this. When you turn 18 you're free to do whatever, but as long as you're 17 I'm your guardian and its my duty to do what I feel is best for you"

"So I can go back to school in six months?"

"If they still have a place for you, then yes"

I didn't know if I could hold on for nine months.

"Go and say your goodbyes Josh, the boy upstairs isn't setting foot in this house again, not for a while anyway"

//

I reluctantly peeled open my bedroom door, I didn't want to accept that this was happening. Inside Ty had wrapped himself in my sheets and was covering his ears, I didn't think about how this would affect him too. He shot up when he heard the door faintly creek, he cursed a little when he realised that he'd moved too quickly.

"Josh what the hell is going on?"

I couldn't handle it, the doors opened and the chaos poured right out.

"Josh, please don't cry. It cant be that bad right?" his eyes were as wide as ever.

"Tyler I'm so sorry" Tyler's arms were holding me tight, I could feel my chest crashing into his violently as my body shook from crying.

"SShh, come on" he whispered ever so softly, he planted a kiss onto my hair and lingered there as he waited for me to tell him that everything was going to be okay.

"You're going to have to leave"

"I can just see you tomorrow, its not that bad Josh come on"

"I mean, you have to leave me alone completely"

I felt his body alert itself as he moved from his relaxed position.

"What do you mean Josh?" he stammered.

"My dad is removing me from school Ty, I can decide if I want to come back when I'm 18, but that's half a year away Tyler, I don't know if I can last that long"

He grabbed my body and forced me to look at him, "Don't say shit like that Josh, you're making me panic. You're going to be okay without me right? You do know that I'm only 5 minutes away"

I wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay, but I couldn't find the strength.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry frick I almost cried writing this... GHUUGHGR But I wrote 1.3k words in an hour okay I can write angst its my strongest skill, boi please don't leave me it will get better


	34. Chapter XXXIV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an// sorry for the short chapter, I just wanted to kinda make up a lil for chapter 33

 

✾Josh✾ **** ~~~~

I propped the window open with a somewhat sturdy book;if it was to fall I would be caught in deep water. I'd already promised to not climb on the roof, it would make things a lot worse if Dad found out that I climbed up here to talk to Ty.

Tyler gave my phone two whole seconds to transfer a call alert, "I miss you so much" he hurriedly shouted down the phone. I jumped in shock slightly and felt myself stumble along the roof slates. "Are you on the roof Joshua? I told you I'd have to come over if I found out that you were up there alone"

It felt odd to hear Ty's voice but not feel the warmth of his tone brush against my skin, everything just felt so much more empty now. Ty was trying to be playful but honestly it made things so much worse. It would have been so easy to move on from public school if Tyler hadn't opened up so much, if I hadn't fallen for him and if he hadn't fallen for me. My lips stung in reaction to the ghost of our embrace. I'd never craved something more in the entirety of my life.

"I wish you were here Tyler, you don't understand how mu-"

"I think I do Josh, I feel it too you know"

"Mm I know Ty, I know"

"Just 181 days until you're back at school"

"You're gonna be okay at school right? Make sure you listen to Eddy and his advice, be weary of Brendon but don't block him out and Ryan-"

"I can feel the jealously in your voice"

"I'm jealous of everyone who gets to see you on a daily basis Ty, what If you grow a beard or get a tattoo or grow taller?"

"Calm down" he cooed from the other side of the screen, "I'm not going to change, and I'm not going to forget about you okay Josh I like you too much"

"You like me? What's another l word you can use there"

"I loathe you too much" I could see Tyler's little grin spreading amongst his cheeks, his soft adorable chubby cheeks.

"Tyler I want to try something out"

"Go on"

"Okay close your eyes"

"They are closed"

"Can I trust you?"

"All I can see is black and those tiny frazzled static dots"

"Okay good, take a deep breath"

Tyler breathed in harshly, "Now breathe out, be gentle"

"This is lame Josh"

"Don't distract me otherwise it wont work"

Tyler didn't reply, so I continued.

"Your hand feels smooth against mine as I delicately lace my fingers with yours. You're lying down against the soft sheets that are lightly brushing against the exposed skin on your back. I pluck up the courage to make the first move. My legs placed either side of your chest, I rest upon you and force you backwards so that you can support yourself against the headboard. I can feel you shaking as I let go of your hand. As I move upwards to meet your panicked gaze I leave a small trail of kisses on your chest, your shaking intensifies with every move I make. I tighten my grip on you with my thighs to make sure that you don't move away. You lean over to touch the edges of the shirt that I'd borrowed from y- "

"Josh what are you doing?" Ty replied weakly.

"You're breaking the immersion"

"Good" he squeaked, "This is awkward, I hate it"

"Mm okay it must have worked then, god you're so innocent I love that"

"No, you just love messing with me because it's the only way you experience power"

"Maybe I want to do that shit with you Ty"

"You need to go back inside"

"You're all blushy now aren't you?"

"Get inside, its chilly, you'll catch a cold Joshua William Dun. I'm not here to help you, I'm going to have to teach you how to fend for yourself"

"I'm inside, will you stay on call?"

"1) You haven't moved, I can hear everything, 2) Your dad will hear us and I don't want you getting into any trouble"

"It'll be fun Ty, it'd be so mischievous"

"It wont be fun when he catches you and takes your phone away"

A veil of sadness hung over my head, I left the illusion that I had made for myself. I was alone and I had to face it.

"Sleep well Ty, I'm gonna try and calm down now"

"Sweet dreams, I love you Josh" Tyler's breathing pattern changed, I knew he had paused to smirk.

My heart fluttered a little, I mean if little was equal to almost breaking out of my chest.

"Are you testing me Tyler Joseph?"

"I thought I'd give you something to feel excited about, something nice to dream about"

"Did you mean it Ty? Do you love me?"

"I like you a lot Joshua, I really do. Now get inside or I will bring my ladders to your roof and pull you down"

The little red phone symbol that was situated on my screen felt like a detonation button, my own personal doomsday trigger. As I pressed it I felt my heart scream, I didn't want to sleep knowing that I wouldn't see Ty tomorrow.

 

 

 


	35. Chapter XXXVIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN// sorry for not updating recently, i'm just so scared this fic is going to end I don't know what ill do with myself without writing lmao

✾Josh✾ **** ~~~~

My hair felt odd, for once it was extraordinarily ordinary. It was its natural shade of brown. I wasn't even sure if I could recognise myself, I hated it but it kept my dad happy or as happy as he could have been with his gay son. He could take away my hair, my clothes, my friends but he couldn't take me away, not really. He could chip away at the image I had created for myself, but my image was just a projection for the feelings I had inside and not even he could access those. My body was a vessel filled to the brim with passion and native emotion, something that couldn't be tamed.

I entered the shop, closing the door gently behind me, I located a quiet corner in the back of the store. I ran my fingers over the piles of vinyl as I sauntered over to the safe haven - a look out post. Looking firmly down, I glued my eyes to the stack of records that I had enshrouded myself in, from the look of it I had entered the musicals section. I prayed that the store attendants would not ask me if I needed assistance, but the store was empty - empty of customers not attendants. They were tied to all four corners, waiting patiently for the next customer to walk into their invisible snares. I did not want to be their next victim so I picked up the nearest object I could find to create the illusion that I was okay. Destiny had brought me and the Les Miserables soundtrack together, it briefly acted as my floating aid.

"Javert or Valjean? Who is the bad guy?" I heard a small voice whisper and it brushed briefly past me.

"Sorry what?" I replied clumsily, I had no idea what the attendant had said.

"Les Mis, who do you think is the bad guy? The criminal who is portrayed as the protagonist or the law enforcer obsessed with banishing sin who for some reason is the antagonist?"

"I'm sorry I have no idea what you mean"

"Just browsing then?"

"Just browsing" I nodded. Tyler hadn't recognised me, he'd never seen my natural brown curls or me out of a brightly coloured shirt. It was nice to see that he had the confidence to approach strangers now, even if he was being paid for it. It did make me a little jealous though, to see him flourish in my absence, I wanted to be the person he talked to. Ever since my dad had confiscated my phone for the month I'd taken to using fragments of past exchanges that we had experienced for company. I'd piece together memories and formulate conversations in my head, it was sad really. Pitiful.  But I didn't have time for self pity when opportunity was at my door.

"So" I trailed, trying to real Ty back in. "Do you have any recommendations, preferably not movie soundtracks?"

His eyes were still glued to the floor, he hadn't improved that much over the winter break.

"The Moving Home EP is a good taster if you want to ease yourself into emo-punk, honestly I have bad taste I don't know why I work in a music store"

"Who is the artist?"

"Moose Blood, listen I know it sounds weird but its good trust me"

"Why should I trust you? You just said you have bad taste?"

"Touché" Tyler was still facing the ground but I saw his lips twitch a little before he finally decided to smirk. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were flirting with me"

"You obviously don't get out a lot, I mean I'm not but would you mind if I started to"

"Yes, I mean I have a boyfriend?"

"A boyfriend hm? Does he like your music taste?"

"Very much so I imagine"

"So I'll like them then, this Deer Blood"

"Moose" Ty corrected, "How do you know what my boyfriends taste it?"

"Because hopefully I'm your boyfriend"

Tyler peered up from the ground, "Josh?" he gasped a little, I saw the colour rush back into his pale skin.

"It has been a month and you've forgot my voice already buddy?"

"No no, its just the music is so loud in here"

For some stupid reason I felt a huge urge to cry flood my mind, "Yeah you should turn it down" I said between small sniffles.

"Boss's orders" he shrugged, "When is the small talk going to end? Come here you"

Tyler opened his arms and I subconsciously allowed myself to lose myself in them.

"Is your dad around?" Ty whispered softly into my curls before he left a brief kiss there.

"He nipped to the tool store, I thought I'd pop in here"

"How did you know I was here?"

"Brendon came around to drop some work off at my house last week, he told me then and I've been waiting ever since for an excuse to come to the mall"

"I know that mischievous look, what did you do little Josh? Nothing too bad I hope"

"Oh nothing major, I just hid his toolbox and broke the shed lock - I staged a robbery on a minor scale"

"You did all of that to see me?" I ran my fingers along the edge of Ty's black collar.

"I love men in uniform Ty, especially black polo shirts that have a talking CD on the front"

"Don't mock me Josh" he teased.

"Its cute! So edgy Tyler, a real man of obscure music"

"It pays okay, plus I was bored without you"

"How have you been, without me I mean?"

"Narcissism Josh?" I presented him with wide eyes,"Oh alright then, its sucked but that Ryan oh he's so nice to m-"

"Tyler don't"

He giggled nonchalantly, "I'm still alive aren't I?"

"Anyway believe it or not I didn't just come here to talk, I got you something"

"What for?"

"Its a belated Christmas gift"

"Josh I cant accept that, I didn't get you one in return, I didn't know you'd come"

"If you leave it my dad will find it and see the name tag"

"Don't play me like that"

I shoved the package into his hands, "My dad is gonna be wondering where I am, just take it okay. I love you"

The latter of my response wasn't intentional, it happened to slip out. "I love you too Josh"

"That was my present Tyler, see you soon hopefully"

"Sneak out more often Rapunzel, break some more tools"

"I broke the lock smart arse not the tools"


	36. Chapter XXXVI (guys i cba doing numerals anymore)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is long and is all speech sorry

 

♪Tyler♪ **** ~~~~

'Jishwa✨' **** ~~~~I snuck into my dad's safe to get my phone

To 'Jishwa✨' You're not a complete idiot, there's parts of you that are missing

'Jishwa✨' You're my missing part

To 'Jishwa✨' Shut up Romeo, why did you text me, what was SO important????

'Jishwa✨' You called me your boyfriend, I had to fact check

To 'Jishwa✨' Oh about that

'Jishwa✨ Did you mean it baby? I know you did

To 'Jishwa✨ NO, shut up I just didn't want a stranger flirting with me

'Jishwa✨Why? Because you love me?

To 'Jishwa✨No because I hate social interactions

'Jishwa✨ You don't hate interacting with me

To 'Jishwa✨' Put the phone back in the safe now Josh

'Jishwa✨My dad isn't home for another hour

To'Jishwa✨ I don't care, he probably has a spy cam in there somewhere or a trip wire

'Jishwa✨ He's a business man, not James Bond Ty

To 'Jishwa✨' I just don't want you getting caught, if you go just one more week without disturbance you can have it back for good yeah? You were the stupid one who got us caught in the first place

'Jishwa✨ But I miss your voice

To 'Jishwa✨ It's still going to be here next week

'Jishwa✨ Love you Ty

To 'Jishwa✨ Would it make you happy if I said it back?

'Jishwa✨ What do you think Ty?

To 'Jishwa' I love you Joshua

'Jishwa✨ Do you mean it?

To 'Jishwa✨' Do I mean anything I say?

'Jishwa✨ You cant leave me like that, Ty come on

To 'Jishwa✨' It'll give you something to think about, have fun Josh. Don't get too close with your tutor I heard he's hot

'Jishwa✨ You're just jealous

To 'Jishwa✨' With a name like Mr.Cumbersnach I think everyone is, I heard he's English too. I like English boys

'Jishwa✨And here I am thinking you're straight

To 'Jishwa✨' Have a nice day Josh

I clicked my phone off and held it close to my chest.

"Honey, I'm starting to get concerned with your behaviour" my mom whispered lightly through the barricade separating our individual worlds, "I'm going to open your door now, are you decent?"

"No" I mumbled into my pillow,I was lost in a sea of cotton.

"Tyler!" my mother shrieked as she entered the pit that was my bedroom, "We could sell the dust in here I'm sure some people collect it, I know for a fact you're a keen collector"

"Very funny" I groaned, my eyes screwed up violently as she snapped open the stern curtains.

"You need to leave bed Ty, its not healthy"

"Mom its the weekend, I'm entitled to a lie in"

"Tyler Joseph it is 5pm this is not a lie in, come on" Kelly started to tug at the bottom of my duvet in effort to pull me off of the bed, I gripped on to the sheets with all of my strength. My stomach was growling in reaction to the smell of brunch/tea/whatever meal time it was filling my room. "Ah so you smell dinner then? I knew that would wake you up!"

"Whatever, I'm just hungry can we cut the small talk Mom?"

"You know I'm considering calling Josh's father what's his name? Yes Chris that's it"

"Its got nothing to do with him Mom come on"

"Honey I am not letting you go through this again, I am not seeing my son lock himself away from the world again"

"This isn't Rapunzel Mom, now can I just eat the tacos I can smell"

"Don't avoid me Ty, don't shut me out"

"That's what Josh calls me" I stammered, "Please" I paused, "Don't call me that again"

"Tyler, you cant break down again everything is going to be okay! You have that Brendon friend and Ryan is back"

"Its not the same"

"Well, I invited that Ryan boy over for tacos"

"MOM!" I screamed, involuntarily chucking the pillow from my bed onto the floor. "I don't want him to see me like this" I floated over to the mirror. Staring back at me was a hollow creature with hollow eyes, wrinkled skin and dark shadows.

"Why? Do you like him too? He is quite cute Tyler, I'd say on par with Josh perhaps"

"Don't push me" I scoffed, "Can you tell him to leave please?"

"Don't be so rude come on get changed we're waiting for you"

"I'm coming like this, getting my plate and then coming back upstairs"

"Sure thing honey" she sniggered.

"Why are you laughing?" I stood there with my mouth ajar, "What's so funny Mom?"

"I personally think you're love heart boxers are adorable sweetie"

I grabbed the nearest pair of jeans from the mountain of clothes that was living on my designated laundry chair.

"Ryan, sweetie!" my mom beamed as she ran daintily into the kitchen, "Sorry for the wait, old grumpy here didn't want to move"

"Hi Tyler" Ryan said in a small, sweet tone as he slowly raised his head to reach my gaze.

"Sorry that Kelly here forced you into this"

"She didn't" Ryan gushed, "I love tacos how could I resist?"

"I know for a fact you hate tacos, you skipped taco Tuesday every week"

"Okay you got me" he smile seemed a little too forced and my mother was laughing nervously.

"I'll whip something else up for you Ryan, why didn't you say earlier when I called your father?"

"I didn't want to be a bother Mrs.Joseph"

"Oh nonsense" she cried, "You could never be and please, call me Kelly"

"We're going upstairs, come on Ryan" I grabbed my plate of food with one hand and Ryan's sleeve with the other. "Ryan is too polite to tell you he's uncomfortable"

Kelly folded her arms and huffed and puffed in a somewhat comical fashion, "Its not fair, you keep all of the cute ones to yourself"

"I'm sorry about her" I chuckled softly, my voice wasn't well adjusted so it probably came out as a hoarse croak.

"She's just worried about you, we all are Tyler"

"Who's we?" I tilted my head slightly.

"Well, there's me, Josh definitely-"

"Wait, you haven't been in contact with him right?" my tone sounded a lot less harsh than I had wanted it to.

"No, I mean but if he did kn-"

"He's not going to find out, no one is going to tell him... He thinks I'm okay and I am, I am okay, I'm dealing with this" I spat

"Tyler you're scaring me" my heart stung, little Ryan was shaking profusely.

"Listen Ryan I'm sorry, I didn't mean to take it out on you" I took his dainty trembling hands into my own, "I just need people to stop treating me like a baby"

"I know I know, we're just so worried Ty"

I coughed.

"Well, I'm so worried, I barely know you but I know this isn't the old Ty"

"I just, I need time by myself Ryan, nothing ever happens to me - ever. And so much has happened in such a short time space and honestly I'm exhausted"

"You haven't even touched your taco, you truly must be then"

We both forced a chorus of fake laughter

"I suppose if you're going to stay I might as well be polite"

"That'd be nice Ty"

"ler, Tyler"

"Okay sorry Tyler"

"Anyway enough about me, what about you? Or more to the point you AND Brendon?"

"You always were a cut to the chase kind of guy"

"Mhm" I said, sitting patiently, munching on the taco. I wanted to swallow the thing whole but I had to give myself some type of dignity in front of Ryan.

"There's not much to tell"

"What other than the hot make out session in the janitors closet?" this time the laughter wasn't so forced.

"Wha!" Ryan exclaimed, "How did you know about that?"

"Eddy caught you both and told me"

"I swear to God"

"You're an atheist Ryan"

"Details, details" he chuckled.

"But yeah are you two okay?"

"I think he's still scared to come out to everyone so we're on the down low, he's scared that Dallon is going to disown him"

"Bren should be the one disowning Dallon if he's homophobic"

"I know I know" Ryan shook his head softly, "It must be difficult for him though, being in the spotlight"

"You're okay though right? Being in the dark I mean"

"Mhm I guess, I'm helping him to better himself really, it'd be nice if you came out with us sometime, I promise he doesn't bite"

"I'll think about it"


	37. Chapter 37

 

★ Brendon★ ****~~~~

Ryan giggled lightly  in a child like manner between the short, sharp breaths he was taking.

"Bren stop it!" Ryan playfully shouted as he attempted to wriggle away from me, "I'm not even ticklish this is nervous laughter"

I shook my head, "Tyler is coming soon okay, do you remember the plan?"

Ryan tugged his shirt down so that it was covering his chest, he nodded enthusiastically, a little too enthusiastically "Tyler likes the music shop, he likes music, he writes music so we start a band"

"Start a band!" I echoed, Ryan was still smiling to himself, "Hey, Ryan" I paused to check on his expression, he was staring intently at me with wide eyes and a somewhat open heart, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure Brendon, your tone is scaring me though, you're not proposing right?"

"No, not yet anyway" I winked but it hadn't sounded as playful as I had expected, "I was just wondering, did you or do you have a crush on Tyler?"

A pinkish hue spread itself along Ryan's soft, chubby cheeks. "I don't know what you're talking about Bren-" he was stuttering hopelessly.

"Look Ryan, its okay, you can like whoever honestly" my heart had lost its anchor and with that it had lost its way.

"Brendon, look at me" Ryan pleaded in a soft tone, "I like you silly, I've liked you since forever, I don't know why. You were always an ass but, I don't know, I still liked you then and I still do okay"

"But you're always so excited to see Tyler"

"He's a good friend, you know just because I'm gay it doesn't mean I latch onto every boy I see you know"

"Oh okay" my words were slipping away, for a journalist he wasn't very good at using persuasive language.

"I see how it is" Ryan's voice sounded abnormally strong, strong and sure. He released his grip from the end of the bed and started to travel over in my direction.

"Ryan stop, Tyler's coming soon"

"I'm sure we have just long enough for me to kiss you" Ryan smirked, but it didn't suit him.

"Ryan!" I threw a pillow in his direction and he laughed in response, "Why are you acting so weird today?" he threw the pillow back in my direction.

"I'm just happy okay, but I'm sad now, you wont let me kiss you"

"Shut up" I teased, "I'm the decision maker in here okay George Ryan Ross THE THIRD"

"Hey! Its just Ryan Ross to you, and I don't kiss mean boys you've lost your chance!"

"Oh, have I?" I raised an eyebrow and stared at him menacingly, he crumbled.

"Brendon stop, I give in"

I didn't break the gaze, right up until there was a half hearted knock on my bedroom door.

"Tyler?" Ryan and I chimed in together.

"The doors open" I said, trying to sound as polite as possible. The last time Tyler was in my room things didn't go too well for he and I.

"You didn't have to invite me around guys, I don't wanna crash on you" if Tyler hung his head any lower it'd surely rest at the centre of the earth.

"We weren't doing anything anyway" I lied, gritting my teeth, "Anyway, me and little Ryan here made a plan to get you out of your man pit"

"I so do not have a man pit, and I do leave, I leave for work and for school"

"Ah Tyler you should have said! We didn't realise you had such a vast social life" Ryan nudged me a little but it made teasing Tyler more rewarding.

"I'm leaving my room to sit in another room, my vast social life never ends!" a smug grin was spreading on Tyler's face, he was being annoying but at least he wasn't being gloomy for once.

"Lets go somewhere then, what about the diner down the road? I could really murder some pancakes right now" Ryan squirmed as he released himself from my grip. I must have subconsciously grabbed his hand, my natural sense of dominance was kicking in. Something in my mind must have been intimidated by Tyler's presence.

"Ryan, its 3pm, breakfast was half the day ago" I said against his skin as he brushed past me, he grabbed me by the hands and yanked me from my resting position. "Pancakes it is, come on Tyler, its on us, seeing as we ruthlessly dragged you from your 'work' "

"I feel like you two are my gay uncles or some shit taking me on a day trip out" Tyler scoffed as he put back on his hoodie that he had removed just moments ago, bless, it was hard work being Tyler Joseph.

"I'm not gay" I replied with a smile spreading from ear to ear. Ryan and Tyler roared with laughter.

"Sure" Ryan said as he patted me on the back, "If you're not gay then I'm not allowed to do this" He left a small kiss on my cheek before running down the stairs. I felt bad, me and Ryan were having a good time, a casual hang out. But Tyler had to wait months before he could just chill with Josh, I felt guilty - an emotion I'd never encountered before. I didn't want to deny Ryan and his affections, but I didn't want Tyler to feel like he was alone in this, like he was a third wheel.

"Sorry about him Tyler, he's not always this giddy, I think he's just hungry"

Tyler trailed behind me, "Its okay, its nice to see people happy I guess"

"Bless him I know"

"Brendon can I have a word with you, I know were barely friends but I just don't want Ryan or you getting hurt"

"What is it Tyler?" Ryan was waiting excitedly at the door.

"I just, you and him. Something about it seems wrong, all the secrecy, I don't want either one of you getting hurt by it. Do you not feel bad lying about it?"

Tyler cared about Ryan and Ryan cared about Tyler. I knew that neither one really cared for me, I was just a piece of a larger puzzle for them.

"I'm happy, is Ryan not? Has he said anything about it?" I looked over to see the happy boy again, it hurt to think I could be the one who ruined it.

"I asked him when he came to check on me, he seemed fine. I mean I don't want to stop it, I just saw then how nice you two have it, I just don't want anything to ruin it you know?"

"Thank you Tyler, for being concerned, I just need you to understand that I'd never intentionally hurt him, I mean look at him, who would?"

"I know that Brendon, I'm just worried that something unintentional is going to happen"

"I'm working on telling Dallon you know"

"Good, good, just be careful yeah?"

"Of course I will"


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this feels like a filler, but HAPPY NEW YEAR YAY

 

★ Brendon★ ****~~~~

"Pancakes,pancakes,pancakes!" Ryan sang as he ran along the pavement, I wished I was wearing a hoodie like Tyler, I needed something to conceal my identity.

"Ryan be quiet, people can hear you!" I shouted under my breath, he turned around with a look of delight in his eyes. I was glad that I didn't possess the power to ruin his good moods, if anyone deserved to be happy it was Ryan.

"Are you ashamed of me Brendon Boyd Urie?"

"Don't call me that" I tried to maintain a serious, stern face but I couldn't help it anymore, not whilst little Ryan was looking at me with those wide brown eyes. "And of course not, I just don't want the whole state knowing we're having pancakes, what if they all want them too? They'll be none left for us"

"You're a bad liar Urie, I know that I was drawing too much attention to us, I forgot about the whole low key thing" the bounce in his step was still present but it had faded from the liveliness of his tone.

Tyler sensed the apparent chill between us all, "So Ryan, what's the main difference between America and England then?"

Ryan broke from his temporary veil of gloom, "In England you get transported back to the Victorian Era, you have to drink tea from tiny china cups and the butlers are very polite"

"Very funny" I chimed, "I hope you didn't elope with any of the servants, maybe it was the kitchen boy?"

"Oh no, not the kitchen boy, it was Jeeves the butler. I've always been a stickler for older men"

"Gross!" Tyler squeaked, "Forget I ever asked about it"

Ryan sniggered, "Too bad Brendon here is younger than me, otherwise I would debate leaving Jeeves for him" he poked me in the chest.

"Hey, you're only like a few months older than me squirt!"

"Never ever say squirt again, I cant believe I left my room for this"

"Tyler you're the youngest one here okay, you're the squirt" Tyler pushed me playfully and I stumbled into the diner door, the ring of the bell boomed around the quaint eatery. A small chubby lady clad in a checked apron and apple green dress popped her head up from behind the counter, she was acting like a meerkat with her response to the noise.

"Welcome boys, to Sally's Diner!" I took a wild guess and presumed she was the world renowned Sally. The three of us nodded politely before breaking out into a small chorus of laughter, I pulled myself from the ground and pretended to dust myself off.

"Just the three of you today?" her smile was wide and welcoming, she exuded goodwill.

"Yes please ma'am" Ryan replied.

"I didn't realise we were in a western cowboy movie Ry" I sniggered, causing him to blush profusely.

"You've embarrassed the poor boy lad, and for that you're going to get no seconds!"

I shook my head, going along with the conversation that was unravelling in front of me, "I do apologize, please I need that bit of bacon on the side to get me through the day" I placed my hands together in effort to pray, Sally laughed.

"Oh alright then, I'll consider it, let me get someone to get you boys seated, you see I cant leave the till in case I don't know, I cant leave in the slight chance that robbers are going to come in and steal from the cash register.As you can tell I am lying forgive me" Sally laughed once again.

"I just don't want to get up from my chair, I'm awfully stiff today" She faked a smile. "Honey!" she turned her head to face the back of the diner, Sally went on to shriek with the full power of her voice. A few pots and pans clambered to the floor and from the back came a young boy in a checked apron and apple green polo shirt and apple green pants. The finishing touch to his outfit was the pair of roller skates on his feet. Of course Ryan had brought us to a roller diner.

"Can you find these three young men the best seats in the house!" I looked around, the diner was empty except from a table of old men playing cards together. The young boy must have cursed under his breath because Sally scowled at him before he skated over to us.

"Dallon?" I said as he came closer into my field of vision, "Dallon Weekes?"

"Brendon what the fuck are you doing here?!"

"No cursing Dallon, you're on your final strike!" Sally obviously wasn't very good at enforcing punishment.

"I can say the same for you, apple boy!" I teased but Dallon obviously wasn't into it, I'd forgotten about the company I was keeping. What would Dallon think?

"I wont tell anyone about you hanging out with the homos if you don't mention the whole skating diner skit, deal?"

"Dallon, there's something I need to tell you" I sat myself down next to Ryan and squeezed his hand tightly.

"Here are your menus" Dallon looked over to see if Sally was hearing his polite services, he then whipped back to focus on me, "What is it Brendon?"

"You don't have a problem with me hanging out with Tyler and Ryan right?"

"Dude, you're like a young adult I couldn't care less"

I gasped a little too loudly, "What, you really mean that?"

"I see no issue with it, I only said that shit the other week because I was with everyone else, I'm sorry Brendon"

"Are you just being nice because you don't want me to tell everyone about the whole roller skating deal? I'd rather you be truthful"

"I'm okay with it, truly Brendon, just let me go okay, Sally is giving me the evils I can feel it"

"Brendon did you just come out to your best friend, who is a decent skater by the way, and somehow actually can manage to pull that outfit off? The pants are so tight oh my, Tyler  you're both going to have to hold me he just brushed back his hair with his hand, I saw his arms, they're veiny and muscly oh he's so buf-"

"Ryan I hate you so much" he chuckled, "And no I didn't, he just thinks I'm tolerant of homosexuals, I didn't directly say anything"

"You implied it"


	39. Chapter 39

★ Brendon★ 

Ryan squirmed around in effort to tell me to move, but I was adamant that I was going to stay, I needed to talk to Dallon. I needed to sort things out, I was Brendon Boyd Urie and I did not half heartedly approach life and its obstacles. 

"Are you sure you wont come with us Brendon?" Ryan pleaded before wolfing down the last of _my_ pancake that he had stolen. "You know we still have much to discuss" Ryan non discreetly sent a wink in my direction, "You know the BAND"

I sent a punch to his side as a little gift, "Ryan please, we can discuss it another day yeah? I have something I need to do here, something I need to say"

"What like, the big something?" Ryan seemed concerned like he knew a storm was coming, but I didn't think it was, in fact I knew I could keep the storm at bay.

"It isn't a big deal Ry, he practically knows already, and don't worry I'm not going to name drop you unless I'm sure that everything is going to work out"

"Good luck Boyd, oh God I do love that name" Ryan giggled softly, I didn't know how but Ryan was getting sweeter and sweeter by the second.

"I don't need luck I need you, now go on scram, I cant stand not being able to kiss you"

"You're so fucking gay, how did you stay in the closest for this long?"

"Shut up" I spat, holding my foot out so that he would trip, but Ryan had grown accustomed to my foul play.

"I know you too well" Ryan waved daintily at Sally who was looking at him with nothing but admiration. Ryan was a shiny button of a boy, the good citizen that every parent dreamed of.

"Good luck Brendon, you have more balls than I'll ever have for doing this, I'm proud" Tyler gave me an unusually delicate look.

"This is the first time someone's been proud of me then" I said, it was partly the truth.

"It wont be the last" Tyler ruffled my hair and I squealed as a result.

I sat patiently and waited for Dallon to clock off from work. I watched as the gentle baby blue tones of the sky began to sink into a darker, more harsh palette . From the cotton candy clouds a few stars had started to show themselves and shine down on the small diner, my heart was synchronised with their frequent flashes. It felt like a scene ripped right from a children's tale, I suppose I was just overanalysing everything in the abundance of time that I had.

Dallon came over to my table around twenty times in the six hours that I was sat in the booth alone, he'd skate over with a somewhat fresh pot of coffee to offer me. I had tried to deny it for the first two hours, but after that I needed something to keep we alert (awake). Raising my head from the table, I checked the clock for the final time, 9:06pm.

"I think I hate your 8 hour shifts more than you do" I groaned, sleep swallowing me whole.

"Why did you stay? If you wanted to talk you could've just left and came back at nine" he was wiping the table down with a cloth, I'd never pegged him as a domestic type.

"Shit" I mumbled, "I didn't think of that" Dallon threw his head back and let out a chuckle.

"If I didn't know any better Bren, I'd say you were high"

"I quit smoking it months ago"

"Its apparent you don't need it to be weird and relaxed anymore, now" he paused as he clambered into the seat across from me. He rested his fists under his chin and looked at me with an intent focus, this was the first time in my short life that I had realised how intimidating Dallon could be. If someone had the ability to scare me whilst in roller boots and a bright green uniform then they had some kind of hold over me. I'd never noticed the strength of his jaw and how sharp and definitive all of his features were. To be honest, I don't think I'd ever taken the time to notice anyone, it felt nice to leave my world of arrogance, I was starting to notice a whole array of new things.

"What did you wait so long to say?" Dallon removed me from my analysing state.

"I don't know how you're going to take it dillweed, but I have a few months of high school left so if everything goes horribly wrong than there's only a short amount of time I have to endure it so"

"You haven't called me dillweed since middle school" Dallon wanted to softly chuckle but the moment for laughing had passed,"and you're talking about leaving me? Why do you think I'd leave you Brendon?"

"Dallon, if I tell you this will you promise to tell no one. I want to be the one to tell people okay, and you're the first person I'm talking to, well out of our group"

"Brendon, I get it. You're gay. And I'm sorry for acting the way I did when I saw you and Ryan together, I guess I didn't want the others suspecting anything about me, that was wrong of me. I shouldn't have used you as a shield"

"How did you know?" I shouted under my breath, I was filled with panic, "Is it that obvious?"

"Not to those boneheads that we call friends, did you notice anything odd about me?" I'd completely blanked out the part where Dallon was hinting something at me.

"No, why are you gay? Is my gaydar broke?"

"Just because I'm not sexually into girls it doesn't mean I'm gay Bren, that isn't the only sexuality"

"Sorry Dallon, go on, we might as well have a heart to heart whilst we're at it. I feel like I'm at a mothers meeting"

"Shut up, I'm trying to be serious here" the laughter came back into his tone, "You're the first friend I'm talking to about this too okay"

"I'm all ears, metaphorically"

"That joke wasn't funny five years ago, and it still isn't"

"Go on, I wont interrupt"

"I've never looked at a girl like that you know? Nothing in me has ever wanted to be with a girl sexually. So I thought, I must be gay. I must be into guys. But then I started to look into that and realised-"

"You've been sexually active with guys? Wow Dallon"

Dallon blushed, his stern features seemed softer now. "One guy, but I wont tell you his name, it was equally as embarrassing for us both"

"I wont judge you for it you know, I mean as long as you use protection and shit"

"Same to you, but you're missing the point. What I'm trying to say is, I don't want to have sex with anyone Bren and I never knew that was thing until a few months ago, I found some chatroom and I talked it out with some people like me"

"I'm glad you've found people like you Dil, that's nice. I hope everything's a little less suffocating for you now"

"A weight has gone from my shoulders yea, but yeah Brendon I'm asexual. Just, don't tell the others yea? Like you said, I wanna be the one to tell them. I doubt they'll understand but"

"Well I understand" I grabbed his hand from over the table, "Is this okay?"

Dallon nodded, "I wont out you if you don't out me?"

I spat on my hand and Dallon mirrored my actions, "Deal" we shook hands.

"You know, that Ryan is quite cute I think I might-"

"He's mine Dillweed, don't even think about it"

"Come on, I'll walk you home, surprisingly no one wants to approach you when you're dressed like this"

"Oh really?" I sniggered. I couldn't remember why I didn't confide in Dallon sooner, he always was different from the rest, more open minded. I hated myself for not saying something sooner.


End file.
